Gift-giving Awkwardness

[NWFlyer 2]

So I got together with a few friends on Friday night to exchange gifts. Included in the group was a married couple. I gave gifts to each of the two in the married copule, and received a gift from them as a couple.

This morning, I got a message from the woman in the couple thanking me for her gift and telling me how much she liked it. Then she said "In fact, I was really embarrassed that you spent so much on us compared to how much we spent on you... I hope you don't think poorly of us for it; we didn't mean anything by it. It's the thought that counts, right?"

I, of course, emailed back and said "Of course not! It's definitely the thought that counts, and I'm glad you liked your gift."

But it got me to thinking ... how much do you think about "gift parity?" I did make a conscious effort to spend *roughly* the same amount on each person, but even that didn't get too exact.

What if the shoe's on the other foot and you can clearly see that someone spent way less on you than they did on someone else. Do you care?

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[Lindercles 0]

Gift giving, for all it's good intentions, often ends up being more awkward than productive.

For my $.02, I don't really give a crap about money. I'll get you what I think is an interesting and thoughful gift, and so long as you do the same for me, I'm happy. Money is secondary.

But what does give me pause in a situation like this is the whole couple thing. Do you buy a couple one gift for the couple, or one for each person? If you're part of a couple, do you give two gifts to each person, since their are two of you?

The mind reels.

[AlexCrowley 0]

I track xmas present deficits annually and create my gifts list based on a predictive model generated from the data.

TV's got them images, TV's got them all, nothing's shocking.

[NWFlyer 2]

Quote

I track xmas present deficits annually and create my gifts list based on a predictive model generated from the data.

You'd get along great with my mother, then. She confessed to me in my later teen years that when my brother and I were children, in order to promote harmony in the family, she tracked Christmas gift spending for the two of us to the penny. Not only to the penny, but to the exact same number of gifts so that neither of us could say "He/She got more than me!" (Because, truth be told, my brother and I *would* have fought about something like that as kids). She said "That's why you'd sometimes get something like Elmer's Glue wrapped up." I love my mother. She really amuses me sometimes, though.

[Icon134 0]

For my birthday this year I got three things... two of them I asked for (they were from my mother)... the third was from my friend christine it was a mug w/a little labrador sitting in it.. but it was better then the other things because she didn't have to do it and it was a thoughtful gift...

So, yeah... its the thought that counts... That said, I don't generally do well coming up with gifts on my own.

Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife...

[AlexCrowley 0]

thats pretty funny.
I was kidding though.

I dont give people presents. Not because I dont believe in christmas, but because I hate them.

Except my dog. Im getting him a baby mobile - just to mess with his mind. He'll wonder where the sounds coming from!

TV's got them images, TV's got them all, nothing's shocking.

[Lindercles 0]

Quote

I dont give people presents. Not because I dont believe in christmas, but because I hate them.

the presents, or the people?

[NWFlyer 2]

I definitely agree with you that the thoughtful gift (even if it ends up being "not quite right") is better than the generic "I got you something because I'm supposed to get you something" gift. If I don't have a great idea, I will ask. And I always give gift receipts.

[NWFlyer 2]

I knew you were. I wasn't. Like I said, I love my mom but she amuses me. But hell, if I'd had to raise my brother and me (we took "sibling rivalry" to a whole new level) I probably would have done the same thing.

[AlexCrowley 0]

hmm both, now that you mention it.

TV's got them images, TV's got them all, nothing's shocking.

[GiaKrembs 0]

Gifts are nice, but I would be happy with a hug!

I like nice things, but I don't like people to spend money on me regardless of the amount. Especially if I know they cannot afford it.

g

Raddest ho this side of Jersey #1 - rest in peace brother
Beth lost her cherry and I missed it
.... you want access to it, but you don't want to break it.

[riddler 0]

Personally, I've opted to forego the obligatory gifts at Christmas, birthdays, etc. It creates a lot of stress for everyone and all sorts of social ramifications (am I spending too much/little, I don't know what they want, et al). I also have asked my friends and family to please not give me anything - I have too much stuff as it is, and it's hard to get rid of. We all save money and time (and most importantly all the STRESS) associated with gift giving. For holidays, we get together and do something we all like - eat! I buy things for people when I see something and think that someone I love would like it. They get random gifts during the year, and they usually appreciate them.

Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD

[NWFlyer 2]

We talked about doing that but ended up giving gifts anyway. Maybe next year. I've done that with other friends, and my family has ratcheted the gift-giving down to a bare minimum.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[BillyVance 35]

Quote

Quote

I track xmas present deficits annually and create my gifts list based on a predictive model generated from the data.

You'd get along great with my mother, then. She confessed to me in my later teen years that when my brother and I were children, in order to promote harmony in the family, she tracked Christmas gift spending for the two of us to the penny. Not only to the penny, but to the exact same number of gifts so that neither of us could say "He/She got more than me!" (Because, truth be told, my brother and I *would* have fought about something like that as kids). She said "That's why you'd sometimes get something like Elmer's Glue wrapped up." I love my mother. She really amuses me sometimes, though.

My wife and her brother were like that as kids, maybe worse... My brother and I never had that problem, so I don't seem to worry as much about gift worths as my wife does... It does drive her nuts sometimes...

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[LisaM 0]

I don't really care how much people spend on me.... what I care about is the thought that goes into it. My husband's family gets us J U N K every year... year after year after year. It's becoming a running joke between my husband and I... but no thougth goes into these gifts. And THAT I cannot stand.

~ Lisa
~ Do you Rigminder?

[tigra 0]

Well, for starters, I generally enjoy both giving and receiving gifts!

To some extent, I don't want to embarrass someone with an extravagent gift if I know they cannot or will not reciprocate, nor do I want to continually "raise the bar" year after year. (and there are years, like this one, when extravagent gifts are out of the question anyway!) But honestly, this is only an issue with the people on the "fringe" on my gift list, not my close friends and family- and by "fringe" I guess I mean co workers and my SO's friends and family, because they are different every year. But if my best friend or my sister gives me a $50.00 piece of jewelry and all I can give her this year is a $15.00 bottle of wine, or vice versa, we'll both be OK with that.

I do feel a little bit awkward if someone I wasn't expecting to exchange gifts with suddenly gives me something, especially if its something really nice, and I don't have much, if anything for that person! And I guess if I went out of my way to put together a really, special gift for someone, and all I got in return was a $10.00 gift card to use at WalMart, I might just be a little put out.

I think most kids pay attention to how much they get vs. how much their brothers and sisters get. When they are really young, they look at the number of packages, but at some point they also start taking into consideration what things cost, too.

[swedishcelt 0]

Quote

Gifts are nice, but I would be happy with a hug!

I like nice things, but I don't like people to spend money on me regardless of the amount. Especially if I know they cannot afford it.

g

Yes. I think time spent getting together for holidays is what makes me happiest and what I remember the most. Memories revolve around people for me.