Differences and Perception

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

Highjack, highjack, highjack....neener, neener, neener!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[RhondaLea 4]

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Have you ever wondered if every time we use the word "Highjack" that it sends a red fag to the FBI. Oh i bet FBI is one of those red flag words too. Shit, we're all being stalked by some homeland security postwhore wannabe. He/she might even be a skydiver that isn't allowed to post on the job, just dying to put his/her 2 cents in.

Don't you go trying to hijack my thread with all this talk about some new brand of cigarette, Jeff. (Or is this a spinoff from SC about gay commies? Must be if you're talking about the FBI.)

I really do want to hear what people think about this subject...if we could get back to the subject...

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

The difference between men and woman is that woman have breasts and that, my friend is my perception.

Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[cocheese 0]

I don't know what you're talking about, but back to the topic fine. Ummm ahhhh
I have nothing to say about the topic. Sorry.
Wasn't it you that triggered the highjack ?

[McDuck 0]

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I really do want to hear what people think about this subject...if we could get back to the subject...

rl

I'm not sure if we're looking for a series of "here's what *I* look for" responses, or if we're looking for refutations/affirmations of entrenched stereotypes regarding what each sex looks for in a partner.

It seems apparent that, based on television, movies, magazines, the entire advertising realm, et cetera, that certain body shapes and appearances are what draw the most glances. Where that deviates from what each person might be looking for in a prospective mate is arguably what separates "drawing glances" from generating deeper interest. Or have I deviated too far off the original path?

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[cocheese 0]

oh i get it now. I mispelled flag and wrote fag and fag is slang for cig in England ? But i'm not going to Speaker's Corner. No way. That place is evil. Why would anyone want to go there ? Are they practicing to be a lawyer or just a pain in the ass ?

[RhondaLea 4]

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I don't know what you're talking about, but back to the topic fine. Ummm ahhhh
I have nothing to say about the topic. Sorry.

Wasn't it you that triggered the highjack ?

I've been known to do that, but I wasn't the one who started talking about red fags.

Back on topic, I don't care what a guy looks like (what he smells like to me--i.e., pheremones--is something I have less control over, but it hasn't been too much of a problem), but I do care that he's smart and clever and not complacent about his relationships (read "is emotionally involved in vs. wants people around him only to serve his needs"). If I detect control-freak or verbally/emotionally abusive tendencies or if complacency sets in early on, I run, but sometimes those are hard traits to ferret out at the beginning when a guy is on his best behavior.

And really, I don't want a guy to be on his best behavior. I want to know what I'll be dealing with six months from now, before I waste six months.

The couple of times I've picked a guy because he was pretty (without regard for whatever else he was), it was a disaster. I'd rather know someone's heart and head, because I know I'll love how he looks just because I love him.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[cocheese 0]

So , how am I doing so far ?

[RhondaLea 4]

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So , how am I doing so far ?

The one line most uttered by my ex-husband in the time we were together: "How am I doin'?"

After about six months, my answer was: "Focus outward."

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[RhondaLea 4]

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I really do want to hear what people think about this subject...if we could get back to the subject...

rl

I'm not sure if we're looking for a series of "here's what *I* look for" responses, or if we're looking for refutations/affirmations of entrenched stereotypes regarding what each sex looks for in a partner.

Well, this started with my criticism of all the "hot chick" threads. I told the culprits that it's no wonder they're not getting laid when they make real women too insecure to make a move...or something that meant that.

So, for me, that's the issue.

I don't know what it is for everyone else.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[cocheese 0]

So it's no surprise he had to ask. Last time i asked that question.... 10 years ago, she said "I want you to move back next door."
So my new theory is: If you have to ask, it's probably not going too well. Otherwise, one would know.
Just sucks that one party isn't clear enough to convey that feeling. And women complain about men not expressing themselves enough. Oh well. Just because men can't read women's minds doesn't mean we are dumb. Confusion is not the same as being dumb.

[RhondaLea 4]

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So it's no surprise he had to ask. Last time i asked that question.... 10 years ago, she said "I want you to move back next door."

So my new theory is: If you have to ask, it's probably not going too well. Otherwise, one would know.

Just sucks that one party isn't clear enough to convey that feeling. And women complain about men not expressing themselves enough. Oh well. Just because men can't read women's minds doesn't mean we are dumb. Confusion is not the same as being dumb.

Jeff, you've really run away with this, but I'll respond anyway. He wasn't asking about the relationship. He didn't give a shit about the relationship or about me. He just wanted to know that he was making a good impression all the way around. That's all that ever mattered to him--the impression he was making.

I was talking about this particular little tic some people have--total self-involvement is another way of describing it--upthread. I give my friends plenty of positive reinforcement, but some people are black holes, bottomless pits and it's all about them.

That's why I kept telling him to "focus outward," because he never stopped looking at himself long enough to know that he wasn't the only person in the world.

And this is on one of the topics we've touched on here, because this is one of the biggest things I look at when it comes to figuring out who someone really is. People who are totally self-involved online will not be less self-involved in person. It's one of the biggest clues you're ever going to pick up about another's personality.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[McDuck 0]

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Well, this started with my criticism of all the "hot chick" threads. I told the culprits that it's no wonder they're not getting laid when they make real women too insecure to make a move...or something that meant that.

So, for me, that's the issue.

I don't know what it is for everyone else.

rl

I'm most certainly not trying to be argumentative, and I don't presume to speak for many (or even some) men here, but aside from being cheeky and/or attempting to draw attention to themselves (as you alluded to in another portion of this same thread), I don't believe the intent in those types of posts is to show what men are definitively searching for in a suitable mate. I know that intent and perceived outcome are two different animals, and perhaps that's where the difficulty lies, but few men here are looking to alienate women in general by making sweeping statements of visual-based preference.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[RhondaLea 4]

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I know that intent and perceived outcome are two different animals, and perhaps that's where the difficulty lies, but few men here are looking to alienate women in general by making sweeping statements of visual-based preference.

And now we're back to what started this...because they don't want to alienate women in general, and yet what they post repeatedly are pictures of perfect women...which brings us back to my cranky comment in that other thread.

Don't misunderstand, I understand that men are far more visual than women--it's purely biological. And I understand that men will always look, given the opportunity.

But what I'm saying is that it sends a message. Given that we see men bemoaning their single status almost as often as they post perfect bodies...I'm saying that it's counterproductive to make the latter posts and scare off the real women.

There are a lot of ways of sending a message, and regardless of what sweeping statements men don't want to make, the actions speak as statements.

Still cranky,

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[cocheese 0]

Oh i understand now. I forgot that there are people like that out there. Or is it perception deception ?
So how are you today ? You smell wonderful.

[RhondaLea 4]

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Oh i understand now. I forgot that there are people like that out there. Or is it perception deception ?

So how are you today ? You smell wonderful.

Straight to the Women's Forum with ya, and if that doesn't work, then it's off to SC.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[cocheese 0]

I don't do those forums. Have fun. Save the world sweetie.