Differences and Perception

[McDuck 0]

To split off from Jason's Let's not forget about thread, and to allow a greater range of responses (since Jason's was truly meant to be lighthearted), let's hear from people regarding what the men and women who post here really look for with regard to someone they can spend more than a few sweaty hours with.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

A sense of humor....a MUST HAVE!



Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[RhondaLea 4]

You're my hero, Kevin. I knew I could count on you.

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[McDuck 0]

Okay, but what else? I think one of the points that was emerging in the other thread, or at least trying to emerge, was that typically there's more to attraction than a person's looks. Others may argue that even if a person has a great sense of humor, can hold their own in conversations regarding philosophy, politics, popular culture, et cetera, that their looks can be the single point of failure in moving on.

Is attraction truly that superficial at the core?

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[McDuck 0]

Quote

You're my hero, Kevin. I knew I could count on you.

One does what one can.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

Well lets face it....I am sure there are those of us that know each other from being on line here at DZ.com and we have certain persceptions of each other that if we met in real life it wouldn't matter if they were a "dog" or not. We have grown to "like" each other or maybe even more just by what was said here in the forum.

So then...a "strong" mind would be a draw for me.

Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[RhondaLea 4]

Quote

Is attraction truly that superficial at the core?

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. ~ Woodrow Wyatt

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[McDuck 0]

Ah! But as Bobbi pointed out, there are people who meet here on this board (and many others) who seek each other out in person AFTER they've had the chance to chat or otherwise interact without the benefit of interacting in person. Is the digital age breaking down preconceived notions of attraction?

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

"Is the digital age breaking down preconceived notions of attraction?"

I guess so..before "all of this", you were stuck with who you worked with, who you hung out with, etc. Now you can find a "love match" clear across the world if you wanted to.

Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[McDuck 0]

And not that it completely discounts any other theories, past or present, on attraction, but it certainly casts doubt on the whole idea that men or women use only one sense in their selection of appropriate companions.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[lawrocket 3]

The first thing I check is to make sure it's my wife. If it isn't her, then the looking stops.

However, back when I was single, the one that broke ground was, "Does she have a nice smile, does she have nice eyes, and does she carry herself respectfully?" The smile and the eyes are two things that tell much about what's going on inside the lady. If her mouth is frozen into a perma-frown, a la Rosie O'Donnell, or her eyes are sent into permanent squint, a la Rosie O'Donnell, then that's instant turn-off. It's sad because, despite the weight problems, Rosie O'Donnell could be quite lovely.

Attached are a couple of pictures to demonstrate what I'm talking about. A picture of Rosie O'Donnell where's she's smiling still shows that she is incapable of actually turning the corners of her lips up - probably due to the scowl that normally inhabits it. And her eyes reveal she is trying really hard to smile.

Then there's a rather candid shot of Delta Burke showing almost a twinkle in the eyes and a hearty grin.

Eyes and smile? Gotta have it. Everything else - physically - is negotiable.

---

I guess now I'll go from what turns me off to what can seal the deal. The single sexiest quality in a woman is a strong spine. Some spineless milquetoast woman who takes shit from people is not what I would want at all. I don't care if she is a Victoria's Secret model, if she's a mental weakling then all deals are off.

She's also gotta be smart. What got me really turned on to my wife was that she was smart and ballsy and took shit from nobody. But, she did it with a smile and grace. No woman before or since turned me on like her, and I happen to think she's the most gorgeous woman in the world, despite what she sees as needing room for improvement.

It's because the ultimate turn-on is what's inside.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[lawrocket 3]

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Is the digital age breaking down preconceived notions of attraction?

Absolutely. I'm not the best looking guy. But, what keeps a relationship going is the ability to communicate. Sure, you might have picked someone up and had a romping one-night stand, but later you find out that you couldn't maintain a relationship with that person.

Getting to know someone online can be something that gets to know a person inside out. Much like a person's outside appearance can make an inside appearance better, the same holds true from the inside out. So I don't have a good physique? It's more acceptable when it's not the physique that got your foot in the door.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

And isn't that why most people get divorced? They can't/won't communicate? The internet, when meeting someone, really does make those persons communciate everything, even their "feelings". Which if you think about it is really hard for most people to express.


Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[lawrocket 3]

Yes. You do have to communicate those feelings and thoughts in words. It can be tough to do that in person, but the internet also gives some degree of anonymity, which makes it easier for a person to do make that step.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[NlghtJumper 0]

The internet is truely turning into one of the most popular places to meet people. It also helps strengthen relationships. Take for instance one of my ex's. When we first met, we didnt really have any interest in each other, and first impressions really got in the way. One night we happened to find each other online and started talking. We ended up talking for four hours without even realizing the time slip by. It started a long string of nights where we would stay up late just talking to each other. We became best friends who knew the most about each other than any single person we were friends with. It eventually grew into a very loving relationship. We broke up because her parents forbid us from being together anymore after a couple un-fortunate incidents. But to this day, her and I from time to time find each other online and let time just fly as we talk.

For me to be interested in someone, they have to be mentally, and emotionally strong as well as independent. I dont really care about looks all that much, but if she cant hold an at least slightly intellectual conversation with me without getting lost, then I cant be around her for too long. I have found very few women who can actually live up to my high expectations. But the internet definately makes it easier to meet people and know who they really are, without preconseved notions of who they seem to be based off their appearance. For me, its always about whats on the inside, rather than the out side...

A man will do anything for the right woman,
and when that woman destroys him,
that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

[airtwardo 7]

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Getting to know someone online can be something that gets to know a person inside out.

***

That may be true, but the 'persona' you've gotten to know on line can be, and often times is a superficial
general overview of what's really going on...who that person REALLY is.

We all tend to accentuate our positive traits and down play the criminal record!

Yes, you may get an idea about the make up of someone you've come to know on line...but like a one night stand...You won't know someone leaves potato chip crumbs on your side of the bed, until you've been with 'em for a while.

...And by the way Rocket-
We have similar taste in women! I was attracted to my wife by her~ Brains, Balls and Big Boobs....in that order!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

Yeah, but if you communicate with them long enough they will "slip up" eventually.

Especially in this forum, you can "see" how they play with others. Sometimes the sand box isn't big enough for all of us and the dark side reveals its ugly shadow.


Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[thegreekone 0]

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. ~ Woodrow Wyatt

[Frenchy68 0]

Quote

Quote

Is attraction truly that superficial at the core?

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. ~ Woodrow Wyatt

Woodrow was punished for making stupid statements by having way to many "w"s in his name.
Men lust through the eyes, women pump their ego through the ears. Love has nothing to do with it. Or it's not love!

WTF! I gotta stop writing serious posts...

"For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return."

[McDuck 0]

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Yeah, but if you communicate with them long enough they will "slip up" eventually.

Especially in this forum, you can "see" how they play with others. Sometimes the sand box isn't big enough for all of us and the dark side reveals its ugly shadow.


Bobbi

Everyone "slips up", makes mistakes, says things out of turn or speaks from building frustration from time to time. I suppose the difficult part of dealing with that is knowing whether or not you have the ability to take it all in stride, or whether dealing with behavior patterns beyond the happy-happy joy-joy scale is outside of your comfort zone. Because, let's face it, few people go into a relationship eager to test their skill at handling the negative aspect of interpersonal interactions. Perhaps that deliberate short-sightedness is part of what gives the impression that appearances are more key in selection than heart and mind.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

Kevin,

No you misunderstood me. By me saying "slipping up" I mean..one day you say your eyes are blue, two weeks from now they are greeen. Mom lives in Kansas, but now you say she lives in Kentucky.
Those types of slip ups.

Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[McDuck 0]

I see what you mean: catching someone fabricating anything from basic facts about themselves to intrinsic information about who, what and where they are. I like to believe you are correct, but I'm sure there are at least a few people, unsavory types, who are adept at concealing the truth.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[RhondaLea 4]

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I see what you mean: catching someone fabricating anything from basic facts about themselves to intrinsic information about who, what and where they are. I like to believe you are correct, but I'm sure there are at least a few people, unsavory types, who are adept at concealing the truth.

I don't think the factual stuff is really the issue. Well, okay, it's an issue, but it's not the big issue.

What I look for is evidence that someone is a control freak or sees others as two-dimensional. In earlier years on the net (I've been around since '89), I wasn't very good at discerning character from a person's posts, but in the years since (especially after a few bad experiences), I've gotten better at it. (Not all the time, although that's more because I don't want to see it, not because it isn't there.)

Everyone makes mistakes, and some of my favorite people are those who have made them and made up for them. But making a mistake is not the same as being the sort of person who is totally self-centered and uncaring towards others, but extremely needy nonetheless. Often you will find this person to be one who oozes sympathy and compassion at every opportunity, but there's no substance behind it.

Isn't it funny how these threads go. I hijacked the other thread, and the discussion then went in the direction I took it. You started this thread to continue that discussion, and now look where we are.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[McDuck 0]

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Isn't it funny how these threads go. I hijacked the other thread, and the discussion then went in the direction I took it. You started this thread to continue that discussion, and now look where we are.

rl

I was wondering if you were thinking the same thing. Luckily, this is the kind of thread that actually invites hijacking to a certain degree.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[cocheese 0]

Have you ever wondered if every time we use the word "Highjack" that it sends a red fag to the FBI. Oh i bet FBI is one of those red flag words too. Shit, we're all being stalked by some homeland security postwhore wannabe. He/she might even be a skydiver that isn't allowed to post on the job, just dying to put his/her 2 cents in.