McDuck 0 #1 January 5, 2006 Disclaimer: Being that this may overlap other events Walt has related in other stories, I must apologize in advance. His advancing years and skill at deliberate mis-remembering should be taken into account, as well as the fact that I, having had no interpersonal relations with him outside of this site the past few months, know the truth of this man's life. Please forgive his foggy recollections. ------------ Growing up in a brothel can be a trying experience for any young man, but possibly even more so for one as introverted and shy as Walt was in his early years. I can only speculate how horrifying it was (for him) to be surrounded by scantily clad female anatomy through all of his formative years, as he has told me time and time again that there are "gaps" in his memory of those years. However, his apparent aversion to the glorious miracle that is the female body may be attributed to one instance in particular that I can recall. I was one day shy of celebrating my 45th birthday when I happened upon what looked to be a carnival funhouse, replete with day-glo paint, rickety front staircase and an inconstant shudder that shook a stream of Arizona dust from the walls and roof at irregular intervals. The sign out front read, "The Sweatshop - workin' it since 1942", and the limited wicker furniture out front was occupied by jaded looking women of varying shapes and sizes trying not to glare at me too balefully as I grinned at them in passing. I don't know if it was revulsion or hope that gleamed in those many discerning eyes, but either way, I was hooked. The car growled to an irritable stop in the dirt off the left side of the shack, and as it did, a tawny haired whelp peeked his head eagerly out of the second-story window. The popsicle stains on his face were rapidly being glazed over with the sugar from an enormous and multi-colored lollipop. I choked back my rising gorge and ventured a wave. In the course of waving back, the little crumb-snatcher managed to drop the lollipop down to the porch cover, where it looked as if it were in good company with the animal cracker boxes, half-mauled chicken wings, melba toast and many little husks of what I assumed must be discarded apple cores. A thin wail began to issue forth from the kid's mouth that promised to summon coyotes and rupture eardrums for miles around if not remedied soon. Luckily, the residents had it covered. Now, normally I'm not inclined to be overly concerned when the obnoxious and loud ones get their Karmic care packages, but as I watched, the little guy's face was pressed rather rapidly and none too gently into the exposed, and overly large, breasts of another of the residents. The wail was immediately replaced with a sound like a plastic motorboat engine churning in thick butter, and the tyke was flailing his little arms about in what appeared to be a dire attempt at repositioning the bare flesh boxing both of his ears. His little feet were drumming a light pattern on the windowsill, indicating to me that I had precious little time to spare. I dashed across a yard littered with abandoned furniture and what appeared to my innocent eyes to be "exercise equipment", and up onto the porch. At this point, several of the world-weary ladies animated rather rapidly and began trying to impede my progress by removing articles of clothing from their bodies and hurling them rather more enthusiastically than I imaged them capable of at my feet. Silly gals. Clothing was no match for my bunny-hop. I dodged past a few hands, legs and other exposed anatomy into the belly of this den of iniquity, finding that tension over my potential impending doom was making my pants feel terribly constricting. I knew it was only a matter of time before I succumbed to the horrors of that place and found myself unable to leave again. Making my way through the entryway, I found that there was little to no light inside, other than what filtered through the dingy, grime and dust covered windows, but that I could navigate by the grunting sounds I heard coming from above me to the right. I dashed up a barely-lit staircase with men's clothing strewn all over the rails, evidence of the fate that awaited me if I tarried too long, and made for the on-going motorboat sound in the direction I recalled the little guy's window having been. My eyes were about to receive the shock of their entire existence up to that point. As I entered the room, I rapidly noticed that there was little of the usual childhood playthings, the room being dominated by a large bed with grimy bedclothes, an old armoire with lewd carvings running the standing length of it and apples in various states of disrepair strewn across every available surface. I was horrified. The boy seemed to have nearly passed out, as the motorboat sound was replaced with a sibilant, wet smacking sound and his feet were swaying slower than I had seen them perform from the ground outside. A bright-eyed, if nigh-Amazonian, woman grinned at me viciously, lowering the near-smothered boy to the floor, where his wail was renewed with the re-introduction of oxygen. Had I detected a fading grin as he hit the floor? His face was a greasy smear, so it was difficult to tell. My guess was the smothering had made him go giddy. I faced the woman, unblinking, and swore an oath of celibacy at that very moment. Her endowments were ample, and the evidence of the boy's entrapment was apparent all over her front. I felt that same fear and constriction I had upon evading the vixens out front. Time was running short. she must have been employing some sort of mystical charm or potion, because as the tightness in my clothes increased, my desire to leave faltered as well. It was a good thing that the boy moved and drew my attention to the task at hand, or I would have been doomed for certain. He had reached for one of the less-mangled apples lying about. That was enough to snap my attention back to the matter at hand. Feinting in towards the woman, as if I intended to tackle her to the ground, I dodged away at the last second, before her menacingly soft and glowing arms could encircle me and seal my fate. the boy was within my reach now, between me and the door, so I darted my arms around him, jostling his recently procured treat from his hands. He screamed in what sounded like agony, "APPLE APPLE!" so I snatched one up on my way out the door and crammed it in his mouth and shot down the stairs at breakneck speed. Poor kid, they must have only been feeding him candy and apples. My heart went out to this sad urchin, forced to live in such squalor and endure what must have been regular punishment for his misdeeds: the smothering. I did my best to dodge the harpies out front and avoid their pulchritudinous weapons of distraction. I thought I had experienced the last of my constriction-panic, but it reared up again as we shook off naked body after naked body. The fear was mounting, and I knew it had the capacity to render me a helpless pile of goo. Making one last mad-dash, I got the kid and myself into the car, revved the engine and showered those in pursuit with the dust of my hasty retreat. I felt mad with triumph, and hooted my victory shout to the world as we sped away to an uncertain future. The kid seemed to be in shock, turning around in his seat, tears streaming down his eyes as he watched the nightmare of his past fade into the distance. I rummaged around in the back seat while I drove, finally retrieving an old Donald Duck comic book for the kid. Handing it to him, I asked him what his name was. My answer was a blank stare. I had to have something to call him. "Kid" wouldn't do for anything other than a cheesy Costner movie. Eyeing the comic book and watching the little guy nibble listlessly on the apple I had tossed in his lap when we jumped in the car, it came to me. "I'll call you 'Walt Apple', okay?" He grinned. That was all we needed. I dropped him off at the local police station, and they seemed to recognize him. I told him the kid's name, and where I had found him. The locals grinned knowingly as they assured me he would be given into adequate care. I ignored the sniggers from the back of the room, and nodded to the scantily clad lady sprawled on the bench next to the window as I left. I knew my Karma cup had been filled to over-flowing that day, but little did I know that further adventures awaited us in the years to come.Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RhondaLea 4 #3 January 5, 2006 Quote Walt This is gonna be great. If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #4 January 5, 2006 Ahhh Yes...the 'formative' years as Walt calls them! He speaks of those times now and then, though be it with an 'uncomfortable' tone in his voice...and invariably fidgeting in his seat as if to 'cover' something.... As it turns out, that was no women he was incarcerated with, but instead a transvestite that went by the name of 'Bug'... As Walt tells it...he and his pal Bug got on well together. Bug had been 'around the block' as it were, and opened Walt's eyes...(an some other things) to whole new world of experience and adventure. Even today, Walt can't seem to get enough of trying 'new' things...living life on the ragged edge so to speak! I once asked Walt, what it was that 'got into him' at such an early age...that would make him so sensitive and creative in his later years... In his ever present self depreciating manner, he simply replied..."Just a little bug I guess." Well whatever it was...the results are phenomenal! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DoTheDrew 0 #5 January 5, 2006 I'm not sure how this happened... but I was both turned on/guilt ridden at the same time... I'll never be able to look at walt's avatar the same way, with out thinking about that poor, candy stained, awkward little boy. we're here for you walt. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydivermom 0 #6 January 5, 2006 Walt is a guaranteed cure for writer's block!Mrs. WaltAppel All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
McDuck 0 #7 January 6, 2006 Future installments are contingent upon my limited ability to string together more than one or two semi-coherent, if inane, thoughts and ideas...uh, I mean, contingent on my rapidly fading recollections of my (mis)adventures with Walt. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RhondaLea 4 #8 January 6, 2006 QuoteFuture installments are contingent upon my limited ability to string together more than one or two semi-coherent, if inane, thoughts and ideas...uh, I mean, contingent on my rapidly fading recollections of my (mis)adventures with Walt. I have great faith in your ability to do this, Kevin. rlIf you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yamtx73 0 #9 January 6, 2006 QuoteQuoteFuture installments are contingent upon my limited ability to string together more than one or two semi-coherent, if inane, thoughts and ideas...uh, I mean, contingent on my rapidly fading recollections of my (mis)adventures with Walt. I have great faith in your ability to do this, Kevin. rl So do I.. Looking forward to future installments of 'My Life with Walt'The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumper03 0 #10 January 6, 2006 oh my. It would not have been a mcduck saga if you had not used the word 'goo' Scars remind us that the past is real Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #11 January 6, 2006 -Where the f*ck are the raccoons? ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumper03 0 #12 January 6, 2006 Quote-Where the f*ck are the raccoons? or the squirrel with huge 'nads and an automatic stapler?Scars remind us that the past is real Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
McDuck 0 #13 January 6, 2006 QuoteQuote-Where the f*ck are the raccoons? or the squirrel with huge 'nads and an automatic stapler? Future installments. I explain how the loss of his velcro gloves caused him to evolve his love for animals into something a bit more platonic. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NlghtJumper 0 #14 January 6, 2006 FINALLY! WALT STORIES!!! I just wonder if he has seen this yet... A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
McDuck 0 #15 January 6, 2006 He's actually contacting counsel in this matter, as we drew up legal documents eons ago limiting the release of these lesser known Walt Adventures. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #16 January 6, 2006 QuoteFINALLY! WALT STORIES!!! I just wonder if he has seen this yet... Yes, and in case you're wondering, I think it's funny as shit!!! I'm really loving the creativity of it all. Also, I have started writing the psyco ex-girlfriend episodes and will begin with the retard episodes soon. I'm not sure which I'll post first. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bbarnhouse 0 #17 January 6, 2006 QuoteI'm not sure which I'll post first. May we have the the psyco ex-girlfriend episodes first please? THAT should be entertaining Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NlghtJumper 0 #18 January 6, 2006 MORE WALT STORIES!!! Now thats what I'm talking about! Cant wait! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yamtx73 0 #19 January 7, 2006 Back in the early 80's I took a road trip to W. Va. on my Yamaha. I had spent most of the day enjoying the twisting back roads, when I stopped to gas up I heard of this new bridge on US19 over the New River Gorge. Figuring it was worth a look I started out for it. Not much later I see this scruffy looking guy hitch hiking, wearing an odd back pack and carrying a helmet. Since he already had a helmet I stopped to see where he was going. Turned out he was heading up 19 as well so I told him to hop on and I'd give him a ride. We cruised up the highway and see this bridge up ahead, I slowed down some, amazed at the size of it and wondering about the winds crossing it. The guy on the back leaned forward and yelled for me to go for it. I cracked the throttle open a bit more and we start out onto the bridge. About half way across he starts yelling for me to stop, figuring he dropped something I pulled off to the side and he jumps off the back of the bike. Turning to wait for him to get whatever he dropped and come back I see him jump onto the hand rail and hurl himself off the bridge! I was stunned, thinking I just watched this stranger commit suicide. Leaning over the edge (morbid curiosity) I see him falling when suddenly I see a parachute opening over him. Looking over my shoulder I see the state troopers coming up the road and figure it's time for me to get the hell out of Dodge. Last thing I heard this strange little guy say always stuck in my head, figured it was something skydivers and the like yelled when they jumped. As I kicked the bike back to life I head coming from the gorge below me.... Walttttttapellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll <--edited to note: this is purely fiction for your entertainment only until Walt starts posting more of his stories -->The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RhondaLea 4 #20 January 7, 2006 Quote<--edited to note: this is purely fiction for your entertainment only until Walt starts posting more of his stories --> I dunno. It sounds like thinly-disguised truth to me. rlIf you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yamtx73 0 #21 January 7, 2006 QuoteQuote<--edited to note: this is purely fiction for your entertainment only until Walt starts posting more of his stories --> I dunno. It sounds like thinly-disguised truth to me. rl Sorry RL, but it's going to have to remain 'fiction' to protect the innocent, not that Walt is exactly innocent.... The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #22 January 7, 2006 You forgot the pic! Walt p.s. You guys are killin' me--this is some funny stuff! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yamtx73 0 #23 January 7, 2006 QuoteYou forgot the pic! Walt p.s. You guys are killin' me--this is some funny stuff! OMG!! That was you! The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #24 January 7, 2006 QuoteQuoteYou forgot the pic! Walt p.s. You guys are killin' me--this is some funny stuff! OMG!! That was you! Well, uh, maybe.... And maybe I was with this group before we met. If that was me, of course... Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RhondaLea 4 #25 January 7, 2006 QuoteAnd maybe I was with this group before we met. If that was me, of course... What a great picture. I talked to the second guy from the left the other day. rlIf you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
