NWFlyer 2 #1 January 10, 2006 January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!! March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down. September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!! December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!! What a year!!"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #2 January 10, 2006 A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark glasses. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes. She doesn't believe him, but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb. test line. It's a good all around combination; it's on sale this week for only $20.00." She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. "Oh, that sounds like a MasterCard," he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who farted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please." The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?" He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50 *********************************** A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You're are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be in Information Technology," said the balloonist." "I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip." The woman below responded, "You must be in management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are and you don't know where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it is my fault." *********************************** ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #3 January 11, 2006 ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chaoskitty 0 #4 January 11, 2006 Hmmm let see.. I'm a blonde, and an IT Manager. This thread confuses me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #5 January 11, 2006 QuoteHmmm let see.. I'm a blonde, and an IT Manager. This thread confuses me. Blonde computer To reboot, do you hold it by the edges and shake? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
