ACMESkydiver 0 #1 January 16, 2006 Had to be just this moment. While I was typing on the laptop (I give myself 10 minutes to catch up on e-mails and news) my little boy, who has Autism as does his twin brother as some of you know, walked up to me stark naked with a hand full of poops. Somewhere, the little darling took off all of his clothes and squatted and then clued in to the fact that it was 'messy' and mama cleans messes.... Gross, yes, I could hardly believe what he was doing...but at the same time, I'm OVERJOYED!!! We have been trying to pottie train the darlings for years, but it's tough when they don't understand language, can't speak, don't understand social functions, and can't express a need to go... So gross, yes, but I'm happy! Now what's your worst baby/kid story?~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cocheese 0 #2 January 16, 2006 When i was kid my mom would say "Wish in one hand and shit in the other. See which one fills up first."I wish you never get handed a bunch of shit again. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #3 January 16, 2006 Jaye, I'm happy for the silver lining and all, but that's really really gross. Bless his little heart... you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taylor610 0 #4 January 16, 2006 I was holding one of my kids, head on my shoulder, and they were feeling bad. Didn't know what was wrong, but just holding her so she wouldn't fuss to much. She picked up her head slightly and started the projectile puking that went down the back of my shirt, in my hair, pretty much all over. Just what do you do... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RhondaLea 4 #5 January 16, 2006 Just so you know, what you just described is very common. I suspect if most people here polled their own parents, they would have a story. http://www.babycenter.com/...ehavior/1250160.html If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livendive 8 #6 January 16, 2006 "It wasn't mustard..." Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
noblesmelissa 0 #7 January 16, 2006 QuoteI was holding one of my kids, head on my shoulder, and they were feeling bad. Didn't know what was wrong, but just holding her so she wouldn't fuss to much. She picked up her head slightly and started the projectile puking that went down the back of my shirt, in my hair, pretty much all over. Just what do you do... Yep, that's happened to me...kid had the flu and after he threw up I put him in the bath to clean him up. Then while in the tub he started leaking again "at both ends..." That was fun to clean up... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taylor610 0 #8 January 16, 2006 The funny thing is, as soon as it starts, you always try to "point" them in some other direction, which only means the mess will cover a much larger area. You try to run for the bathroom or a sink with them and you always get there 1 breath after they quit blowin' groceries... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hexadecimal 0 #9 January 16, 2006 This thread made me gag a little. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #10 January 16, 2006 Most of it revolves around poopies. I posted this one that had youlaughing pretty hard Jaye. http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=1345148#1345148 It was posted on a Monday. "My son had his first ever laughing fit yesterday. He shit all over me Saturday. I love him." Yes, I remember it well. I was changing his pee pee diaper and that's when he decided to let loose. It was on the bed, and his mommy was there, too. As I was reaching over to grab his legs to put the diaper on, I was immediately encountered by the site and sound of a high-pressure stream of mustard-like substance moving rapidly in my direction. Oh, yeah, should have added that I also encountered the "feel." You'd think that something that small has a pretty small resevoir. Nope. This was soupy poopy in all its glory. Literally an uninterrupted 2 foot long stream! A grenade had just detonated. I had it on my hands (the right hand was covered, while the the left hand was only half covered in what I affectionately termed "crapnel.") Crapnel also soaked my pants and my shirt. Fortunately, I took the full, ahem, load. Due in part to my selfless sacrifice, but mainly to Conor's aim and accuracy, the wall was spared. He'd even missed the bed. I took the whole thing, and was thankfully absorbed in whole by my cotton clothing. I must admit that it had an interesting texture. Runny, slippery and yet clingy. It formed an instant bond with the skin, adhering and slipping like Teflon on a frying pan. Due to evaporative qualities, a feeling of chill setin on all crapnel affectd areas. I did what any prudent person would do - I asked my wife (sitting a mere 3 fee away) for some assistance. My wife did what any reasonably prudent and normal woman would do at that point - laugh uncontrollably. I just wanted her to hand me some cloth diapers so I could at least make it to the bathroom without leaving finger/palm/hand prints, and they were withing reach for her. Didn't matter. She was rolling. Little Conor was of no help, save for an accomplished look of satisfaction on his face, as if to say, "Yeah, dad. Wait till you see the shit I pull as a teenager." My wife did manage some voluntary movement in the next few seconds. She moved outta the way as I leaned over for a cloth diaper to wipe myself off. At the time, I was gettign pretty cross at her for her lack of help, assistance and understanding. The last 14 months has, at the very least, lowered that to some level of irritation. The question I ask myself after 14 months of thoughtful reflection is, "Why was I not grossed out?" It didn't gross me out. It bothered me, but I wasn't disgusted by it (He would later pull the same stunt again, only with a glancing blow to my hip - but that time it was stinky). I just handled it like, "Oh, well, I've been shit on often in a figurative sense and might as well make it literal." After a brief shower and a change of clothes, I got my happy baby boy back. He DID laugh for the first time the next day. It was wonderful. I love him, even though his poopies are bigger and stink more. In the meantime, I'd been peed on, spit up on, thrown up on, sneezed on, etc. It just goes with the territory. Most people would think it odd that I'l pull him aside, give his butt a smell and check inside the diaper to see if there's poopies. Or the fact that I can look at him and see whether he's gone pee pee because of the particular appearance of the diaper through the clothes. My shirts and suits all had white rings on the arm and shoulder from his milk-mouth. Babies are a series of disgusting things that just dont' bother me. Well, they bother me from someone else's kid. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pincheck 0 #11 January 16, 2006 never had a Mr hankie in the bath i used to dread changing the nappy when they where unwell you always had the chance of a mass breakout down the legs and up the stomach having to peel the baby grow while on the changing mat Billy-Sonic Haggis Flickr-Fun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy9o8 2 #12 January 16, 2006 Yeah, they both deal with hi-velocity liquid poop. Kid #1 - You know, in the first 1 or 2 weeks after birth, baby poop is not only liquid, but it's under some pretty high gas pressure. Wife was changing the kid's diaper when she (the kid) let one rip and kicked her legs up. It squirted my wife, the shit-stream starting from her (wife's) navel and working its way up her torso and onto her face. To this day, for some reason, I find that funnier than my wife does. Kid #2 - We were in a rather nice, user-friendly baby-changing room of Macy's department store. Kid was about 2 weeks old; let one rip - that's right, slightly-curdled, light-brown liquid exploded outward at high pressure, but this time didn't hit one of us (we'd learned our lesson with Kid #1), but it went all over this print of a painting that was on the wall next to the changing table. We did our best to wipe it all clean, but the print was fabric, and the poop left a nice brown stain that wouldn't come out. For years, when we went to that store I'd amuse myself by seeing if the stained picture was still on the wall (it was). I think they left the poop-stained print on that wall for about 12 years before finally re-decorating. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hexadecimal 0 #13 January 16, 2006 Good thing I never wanted to have children... because if I did, this thread would have been enough to change my mind Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TrophyHusband 0 #14 January 16, 2006 its always funny when your spouse gets shit on, but not so funny when its you that gets shit on. i have the same type of stories that have already been posted. it seems that not a day goes by that nothing gross happens. its a constant barrage of shit, puke, and snot. "Your scrotum is quite nice" - Skymama www.kjandmegan.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #15 January 16, 2006 [gag!]I refuse to read this thread [/gag!]. Someone please let me know if anyone breaks the rules. She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livendive 8 #16 January 16, 2006 Quote[gag!]I refuse to read this thread [/gag!]. Someone please let me know if anyone breaks the rules. I would go over lawrocket's post with a fine-toothed comb if I was you. Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #17 January 16, 2006 Quote[gag!]I refuse to read this thread [/gag!]. Someone please let me know if anyone breaks the rules. ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
caress 0 #18 January 16, 2006 Okay Remember you asked for it! I was dressed in white for my first day at my new job in a dental lab. My oldest was just a baby. I was changing him before I took off for work and he propelled shit-bright green shit all over me and I had to call my new boss and explain that I needed to come in late because I needed to talke a shower again and re dress myself. Yup and I kept that job for a long time. Over 5 years. -Caress I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #19 January 17, 2006 -Ah yes...the infamous projectile pooping of '04. Classic. ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
racer42 0 #20 January 17, 2006 When I saw my oldest daughter for the first time. She was about 8 minutes old, with a pointy conehead, blue and covered in green poop. I had no idea what to do with that. Now she's 17 and I still have no idea. But she's mine and I love her dearly.L.A.S.T. #24 Co-Founder Biscuit Brothers Freefly Team Electric Toaster #3 Co-Founder Team Non Sequitor Co-Founder Team Happy Sock Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #21 January 17, 2006 Quote For years, when we went to that store I'd amuse myself by seeing if the stained picture was still on the wall (it was). I think they left the poop-stained print on that wall for about 12 years before finally re-decorating. Fuck man... this thread has me rolling with laughter, but at the same time, I'm dreading my turn with a new baby as a first-time dad. Only 2 and a half months to go... I can hardly wait.... I think... "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
misskriss 0 #22 January 17, 2006 My most recent adventure in gross out child rearing was while taking a bath with the new baby which we usually do nightly. The water is warm and he just loves it. It's peaceful and calming for both of us. While I was holding the sweet cherub and singing lullabies to him he got that telltale look on his face and before I could move --out it came. The explosive mustard colored baby poo. If you've ever breastfed your baby you know what it looks like. Filled with seedy curdles and oh so yellow. It was swimming all around us. I stood up and after we got out he did it again... all over mommy and all over baby. The sweet joys of parenthood. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #23 January 17, 2006 Not a parent, so I have no stories of my own, but one that my parents always used to share about my brother goes something like this... We used to have a cat named Spooky. Stick with me, this becomes relevant. At some point *after* he was potty-trained, my brother took a dump in his pants, as sometimes happens. Mom asked my brother "Did you make a poop in your pants?" My brother looks up at my mother with that perfect little kid straight face and says "Spooky did it." Probably quite gross for my mother. "There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #24 January 17, 2006 QuoteWhile I was holding the sweet cherub and singing lullabies to him he got that telltale look on his face I used to love taking a bath with my baby, too. -We needed a bigger bath tub after about 3 months! ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #25 January 17, 2006 Quote"Spooky did it." That's hilarious! ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
