Request for pay rise

[davidlayne 5]

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends and public holidays off
In fact holidays and weekends is where I toil the most
I work in a damp environment
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in extremely high temperatures

Dear Penis

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall a sleep after brief work periods
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations
You do not take initiative, You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You will retire well before you are 65
You are unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task
As if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the work place carrying two suspicous-looking bags.

I don't care how many skydives you've got,
until you stepped into complete darkness at
800' wearing 95 lbs of equipment and 42 lbs
of parachute, son you are still a leg!