Good Things Can Come From Bad...

[jceman 1]

On Wednesday the 18th, I wrote that Lynn's mother had passed away unexpectedly, and that we were off to the cold country.

Well we got back about 1830 yesterday; Lynn is doing well and we thank you for your thoughts here and in PMs etc. If you read the obit linked above, it gives more info on my beloved mother-in-law, but I thought I'd let you in on some interesting highlights of our trip

Let me preface it with stating that there has been a lot of animosity in the family, most of it engendered by Lynn's older brother Ron. He didn't speak to us or his little brother for years mostly due to some nasty personal issues he has exacerbated by his drinking. When my father-in-law died in '98, he put a bit of it aside temporarily but it soon was back to the same old Ron.

Ron has now been sober for a bit over five years and is one heck of a good grandpa, but resentment lingers, especially on the part of little brother Dennis (known as Snipe). It was not as bad for Lynn as not only does she have thicker skin, but we don't live there.

The first indication that things may be different came the first time we got together on last Friday. Ron being the oldest of course is the executor of Marie's will and the first thing he told all was that he didn’t want anyone’s feelings to get hurt as we did what had to be done. Ron? Worried about other's feelings?

He treated Lynn like gold from the time we arrived and that never changed during our stay. He treated Snipe well also -- Snipe is more than a little cautious, but he seemed to be a bit more believing as time went on.

Marie knew all of this of course and had made the comment to Mary Beth (one of the local grandkid's wife) that she could see it "At my funeral, there will be my kids, all on opposite corners of my casket!". She had of course, tried to get Ron to treat his siblings better, but... Ron had spent a career as a cop in Berlin and was very well known, as was his "personality".

Well long story short on this subject, he treated all with respect and we did the same with him. The three siblings had to spend a lot of time together, usually with spouses present (the tribal counsel if you will), and there was never a voice raised, nary a cross word spoken. The comment was made that maybe in death, Marie was able to accomplish the one thing she had been unable to in life.

All of that is background that I feel you need to fully understand the memories I'm about to share -- thank you for bearing with me this far (Hankies/tissues may be required for further reading).

The first thing that will always stick in my mind is from the wake. It seemed to me and my sons to be a rather long schedule, but turned out to be good as many people came by and we were greeting and talking almost the entire four hours. The last part of the evening was, of course, the recitation of the rosary. That's where things got weird on me. As immediate family, we were seated in the first row, and overflow crowd was to our left. Things started out OK but as we got to the third mystery I started to feel like I was in a Steven King movie or something: between hearing the "Hail Mary" from behind and from the left, which gave a faint echo effect, and from being tired form the emotion of the whole situation as well as the day itself, I was in a near-sleep state and was experiencing that tunnel effect that comes sometime just before sleep. It all added together and somehow all I could hear instead of "Hail Mary, Pray for us sinners ..." was "He must go to the corn!"

Freaked me out!

At the funeral on Monday Ron and his wife sat in the first pew along with Snipe and his wife Jean. We sat behind along with Snipes oldest son and our niece Rachel and her husband. Father Max gave a very nice homily about Marie and as the mass was ending, he brought the crucifix from Marie's casket and as is custom, spoke of it being its purpose as a memorial for the deceased then said he didn't know who to give it to as that had not been discussed. Ron reached out, accepted it from Father Max and without hesitation turned and handed it to his sister! To say all were surprised is an understatement. I talked with some people who were in the back of the church and they had wondered what happened, because those of us in the front weren't aware of making any sound, but apparently we did as one gasp was heard in the rear.

When the cortege left the church, people behind the family wondered what the heck was gong on when we turned left instead of the needed right to head to the cemetery. Their questions were answered though as we turned into the parking lot at Wal-Mart where Marie had worked with and touched so many people and they saw all the employees, from the manager on down, line up to pay their respects. We then proceeded in the correct direction and as we passed the taxi company that had provided Marie with so many rides to and from work, there were all the cabs waiting by the side of the main street with the drivers standing by with bowed heads.

There was another detour -- we drove past the house I grew up in and turned down Marie's street and then along the riverside park alongside, where Marie fed all the ducks, geese, and squirrels for one last farewell.

Everyone agreed it was quite a tribute, and the funeral director's wife said she thought it had been nice of everyone but she said "If the ducks at the park had lined up, I would have totally lost it!"

It was cold, so the service at the grave was short and ended with all seven grandchildren and the six oldest grandchildren present each placing a single rose on Marie’s' casket.

We spent a large part of that evening at Ron's place and had a great time reminiscing and telling tales. Our sons had to fly out the next morning, so all had to spend extra time with them. We spent the majority of Tuesday afternoon writing thank yous; the tribal council gathered one last time at Marie's kitchen table to get the job done. It took about three hours to get caught up.

We stopped by Rachel's house on our way out of town as he was sitting for her kids Thursday morning. As me said our farewells I heard something I had never heard before. Ron told Lynn "I love you."

I felt Marie smile.

[monkycndo 0]

Sniff, sniff.

*reaches for tissue*

I was waiting to hear that the ducks turned as well.

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[Michele 1]

Indeed, Jack, Marie is smiling. She is smiling in the Light of God, and happily telling all those around her "look, love lasts forever. That's all that really matters, you know? Love..."

Well done, Jack. You and Lynn have been in my thoughts and prayers, and will continue to be so. Love is what matters most, and it lasts forever.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~