To 20 ways Microsoft would change the auto industry

[GTAVercetti 0]

Might be a repost, but I couldn't find it:

20. The radio would be computerized, but you'd need to install 64 Meg of RAM, a new sound card, a game card, a new video driver, a CD drive, and type C:\radio\talk\rush*.* to get it to play.

19. The entire engine wouldn't be in the bay at once, and the car would have to keep stopping and starting to load in the relevant parts.

18. The speedometer would read 70 even though you are only doing 50.

17. You would have to have a full service every 500 miles.

16. Your car would refuse to start with a message "Abort, Retry, Fail?"

15. For some reason the engine controller would need a 1G hard disc and would take 5 minutes to boot up.

14. The steering wheel would be replaced with a mouse and you'd need to memorize the keyboard short-cut for "Brake".

13. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year- instead of before it.

12. They wouldn't build their own engines but form a cartel with their engine supplier. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.

11. The air bag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. New seats would require everyone to have the same butt size.

9. We would all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.

8. The U.S. government would be forced to rebuild all of the roads for Microsoft cars; they will drive on the old roads, but they run very slowly.

7. The oil, alternator, gas and engine warning lights would be replaced by a single 'General Car Fault' warning light.

6. Sun MotorSystems would make a car that was solar-powered, twice as reliable and five times as fast, but would run on only 5% of the roads.

5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.

4. You could have only one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a Car95 or CarNT -- but then you would have to buy ten more seats and a new engine.

3. Occasionally, your car would die for NO apparent reason and you would have to restart it. Strangely, you would just accept this as normal.

3a. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this, too.

2. Every time the lines of the road were repainted, you would have to buy a new car.

1. People would get excited about the new features of the latest Microsoft cars, forgetting that these same features had been available from other car makers for years.

Why yes, my license number is a palindrome. Thank you for noticing.

[Vertifly 0]

[GTAVercetti 0]

That is a complicated set of smilies you have there.

Why yes, my license number is a palindrome. Thank you for noticing.

[happythoughts 0]

21.

"...tech support. How may I help you ?"

"My car isn't working right."

"Ok, just roll the Windows up and down."
"Did that fix it ?"

[Elisha 1]

That....was awesome.

[ExAFO 0]

Just be glad MS doesn't make aircraft or parachutes.

Illinois needs a CCW Law. NOW.

[GTAVercetti 0]

I think 19 is my favorite.

Why yes, my license number is a palindrome. Thank you for noticing.

[mr2mk1g 10]

A couple off the top of my head:

22. You could buy a trailer to tow but it wouldn’t come with the correct kind of fitment to go on your tow bar. You’d have to buy an adaptor and gender changer in order to actually tow your trailer.

23. You’d be able to buy peripheral items such as fog lights or roof racks which are supposed to fix right on with a set of screws. The only problem would be that the screwdrivers that came with the car won’t fit the screw heads, nor would the screwdrivers that came with the peripherals. So you’d have to spend a whole couple of hours getting different “drivers” from dealerships before you found the right one for the screws to attach your peripherals.

24. Sometimes your car would get hit by another car and damaged beyond repair, destroying everything you kept in your car. When you take your car to the garage to have it looked at the mechanic would just tell you that you should have backed up without knowing anything about how the accident actually happened!

25. Other vehicles on the road would not be susceptible to these bad drivers who just managed to trash your car. These vehicles are called “Armoured Personnel/Produce/Luggage Expeditioners” or “APPLES” for short.

26. You’d also come to your car some days and find there was a person sat in the passenger seat writing down all the places you drove to and passing that info onto someone you didn’t know. They would also keep hitting a button to pop up an advert on your windscreen when you were trying to drive. Strangely the APPLE vehicles would never seem to have this problem either.

27. Your car would come supplied with an annoying yappy dog in the back seat who would keep on trying to tell you how to drive by barking things like “you look like your trying to drive to Dave’s house, would you like any assistance?”

[GTAVercetti 0]

I didn't write these. Found em, so I cannot claim any creativity here whatsoever.

Why yes, my license number is a palindrome. Thank you for noticing.