Does this make me a bad person?

[squink 0]

My Grandpa passed away on Tuesday from heart failure at 82 years old. It was a long time coming, as his heart has been slowly deteriorating for over 5 years, but it's still a shock.

Yes, I'm very sad about it. But I'm more sad for my mom losing her dad, than I am about losing my Grandpa. I cried for a little while, but then it just stopped. I cried more when I had to put my dog to sleep. I feel bad that I don't feel, I guess, more sad than I am. I loved my Grandpa very much. But my mom's relationship with her dad is/was like my relationship with my Dad, and I can't even fathom what it would feel like to lose my Dad. And for that reason, I'm devastated for my mom, and I'm hurting for her.

I don't know why, but I feel like I should be more sad about actually losing him than I am.

...the door was open

SKYDIVERGIRLS.COM

[BillyVance 35]

No... you knew his time was coming, and he's had a full life, 82 years. If his life was cut short unexpectedly, at say 40 or 50 years, the grief would undoubtedly be worse.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[champu 1]

I doubt it's uncommon to feel guilt over one's own impassivity, but you can't force yourself to react emotionally to something. I don't think I'd ever consider it a shortcoming.

Besides, your ability to accept things over which you have no control, if anything, makes you a greater asset to your mother at this point in time.

[ccowden 0]

I have fought the same kind of feelings you are talking about and went through times when I thought I should feel more sad about losing someone than I was. I started to feel bad about it and even felt as if there might be something wrong with me because of it. But, for me, it didn't last too long, and I came to realize that there are so many different ways we deal with loss and grief. Feelings come and go and the way you feel one day, may not be the way you feel the next. But even if it is the same, there are no set rules on how you are supposed to feel.

Bottom line, you are certainly not a bad person. There is no right and wrong with emotions and feelings of loss. Sure there are alot of similarities from person to person, but everyone is different and every circumstance is different, so no matter how you feel or deal with this, it is unique to you and no one should judge that.

However you feel, it is ok.

[skydivermom 0]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandpa.

I lost my dad several years ago...and I was way more emotional than my sister. We all grieve in our own way, and do it differently under different circumstances.

Once again...I'm sorry and God Bless you and your family.

Mrs. WaltAppel

All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28

[Nightingale 0]

No, it doesn't make you a bad person. It shows that you're not only capable of sympathy, but you're capable of empathy, and you're probably being very supportive of your mom because of it. You'll grieve for your grandpa in your own time, but you're recognizing that your mom needs more support than you do right now, and that's ok.

[squink 0]

Thanks.



To everyone.



I needed to hear what you said.

...the door was open

SKYDIVERGIRLS.COM

[Trae 1]

in reply to " don't know why, but I feel like I should be more sad about actually losing him than I am. "
...........................

It is possible to actually feel good when some-one dies and not in a bad/warped way. if you believe in the indestructibility of spirit then you may see that it was time for him to move on.
His ship is sailing for a distant horizon we can't see . Often people only feel sad because of their own loss not that of the deceased. He may have given you everything he had to give hence your lack of extreme sadness.

Feel good about your true feelings ..they show a caring person underneath .

[squink 0]

Thank-you

...the door was open

SKYDIVERGIRLS.COM

[kschilk 0]

First, I offer my sincerest condolences….to you and your family.
Secondly…I think you mistake a mature acceptance of death and responsible control of emotions, for lack of grief. You loved your Grandpa but I think….you realize that your Mom, has a much longer and deeper history with him. You strike me as completely unselfish, after reading your post. I think you subconsciously calculated your Mom’s loss, to be much greater than your own. Consequently, your grief is more reserved…out of respect and with the realization that you must be strong, for her.
A pet is so very precious, that’s a special relationship. Most people are truly closer to their pets, than to their families….even if they don’t like to admit it. Your grief was relative to your emotional ties….closeness, time together and memories. Your pet is living with you, constantly….doing almost everything with you. That’s a tall order, for any human to fill. Come to think of it….my Grandpa died, when I was young and my dog….has always been able to cheer me up, when I’m down….just like my Grandpa, used to.
You’re doin’ a lot better, than you think.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Quote

No, it doesn't make you a bad person. It shows that you're not only capable of sympathy, but you're capable of empathy, and you're probably being very supportive of your mom because of it. You'll grieve for your grandpa in your own time, but you're recognizing that your mom needs more support than you do right now, and that's ok.

I couldn't have said it better.

I have felt the same way before. It was strange, but a few weeks after all was said and done was when I started grieving for my loss...out of the blue. Just started crying while driving into town. I felt better after though.

-I only mention my own experience to hopefully prepare you for this odd emotion that may hit you in a few weeks or months...it was quite a shock to me.

Take care.

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.