skyesspot 0 #1 February 8, 2006 As seen in a dog's diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite! 2 PM - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite! 3 PM - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! 4 PM - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite! 6 PM - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite! 7 PM - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite! 8 PM - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 PM - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite! 11 PM - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite! As seen in a cat's diary: Day 183 of my captivity ... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction that I get from clawing their furniture. Tomorrow I will eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must remember to try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, that did not work according to plan... There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." I must learn what this is and how I may use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit...Life is too short. Don't sweat the small stuff. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scoop 0 #2 February 8, 2006 Haha. funny. With that log, cats remind me of the little boy in family guy. Gimme an excitable dog any day! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites NWFlyer 2 #3 February 8, 2006 Seen this one a bunch of times but it always makes me giggle."There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites simplyputsi 0 #4 February 8, 2006 If I was drinking something It would have been all over monitor and keyboard. Cuz I like both cats and dogs that was just funny as hell to me.Skymama's #2 stalker - Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites alw 0 #5 February 8, 2006 Just goes to prove the adage, to a dog you're family, to a cat you're staff. --------------------------------------------- Every day is a bonus - every night is an adventure. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Girlfalldown 0 #6 February 8, 2006 That is so freakin funny! I'm forwarding this to Bob. We have two kitties that act just like this. -------------- (Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites speedy 0 #7 February 8, 2006 Repost Dave Fallschirmsport Marl Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Shell666 0 #8 February 8, 2006 Here's a story a friend of mine sent me many moons ago about his roommate's cat and dog ... Back in 1967 I roomed with two other guys, Gary and Morris, in a Winnipeg apartment. The best things that could be said about the place was that it was: 1. inexpensive, and 2. it had the worlds greatest bathtub and hot water supply. The tub was one of those gigantic claw-footed cast iron jobbies that was about three feet deep - a depth of water that would cover even MY ample tummy - though come to think about it at that time I was about 175 lbs and was not preceeded through life by that part of my anatomy. You could fill this tub to the brim with hot, hot water and Mr. Bubble, put your mask and snorkle on, and soak away a bad day. Another 'feature' of the apartment were my room mates pets - Chow Mein, a fat and fluffy Persian cat with a high temperment - and Snork, an exhuberant but horribly stupid eleven month old German Shepherd. Whenever anyone would use the bathroom Snork would come busting through the door (cheap apartment - no maintenance, no locks) to see what was happening, have a drink from the toilet bowl, try to sniff your crotch, throw up in the corner, etc., etc. - and Chow would saunter in behind him and prowl around looking bored. If you were taking a bath at the time Snork would then inevitibly try to get under the tub where all the stray Cheezies and popcorn use to fall and Chow would climb up onto a narrow ledge above the taps and lie there, idly swatting at the drips coming out the spiggot (no maintenance, remember). It was a homey scene and one never felt lonely in that part of the house. Female visitors, though, could never quite reconcile themselves to this brouhaha in the bathroom and would go home whenever their bladders got full. It took me a couple of years to figure out why my love life was so pathetic - which, I suppose, makes a statement about how stupid guys can be. ANYway... One Saturday evening, after a hard day of playing football in the park, I was lying quietly in the tub soaking away my aches at about mid-mask depth with beer in one hand and a book in the other (Did you know you don't have to lift your head out of the water if you pour just the right ammount of beer down a snorkle? It takes a couple of cases of practice to get it right.) Snork was bumping around under the tub by my feet eating Cheezies and Dust Bunnies, and Chow Mein was dozing on her ledge with her head and one paw dangling over the edge after an hour or so of intense drop swatting. My eyelids were sagging as well by this point and it took a couple of seconds to register the fact that the stupid cat had fallen completely asleep and was slipping off the ledge. By the time I managed to sit up all that was visible of Chow above the water line was part of a vertically rigid tail with all the hair sticking straight out. I knew she was active though 'cause she had all of her claws sunk into my ankles, then my calves, then my thighs. While I know SHE thought she was running as fast as she could towards the air - as far as I was concerned she was slowly and painfully puncturing her way up my soggy carcass. I finally managed to get a firm hold of her when she got to my upper body but, while I could get her badly distorted, I couldn't get her unstuck from my chest and shoulders. As we were sitting there, nose to snorkle, the soapy water drained from her eyes - and with clearing vision her eyes registered a single thought - "KILL THIS BASTARD!! " Fangs bared and spitting, she wrenched one pawfull of claws loose from my body and started beating me around the face with it (thank God for SCUBA masks). As I arched backward in the tub trying to get away from the cat, from the corner of my eye I saw Snorks head pop up over the far end to see what all the fuss was about. As I strained still further back away from the cat my private parts broached the surface of the water and I saw his ears go straight up and HIS eyes register a single thought - "WOW, A GIGANTIC CHEESIE!!" - and he went for it. And deep water didn't slow HIM down at all. Things get a little blurry at this point but I do remember that there was any number of cats and dogs and rubber ducks, what could charitably be described as Tsunami conditions, some skidding around on a cold tile floor after flopping out of the tub, being introduced to Garys date, and finally getting Chow off me while constantly stumbling over Snork who was mournfully scrabbling around the floor looking for his lost MegaCheezie. It took about a week for Chow Mein to forgive me and over a month for her to swat drops again. As far as I know, Snork is STILL looking for his Cheezie. It took me most of that night to clean up the bathroom and two days to paint the ceiling of the apartment below ours. Well, that's about it. No matter how hard I try I can't find a moral to this story and it just sort of tapers off at this point. 'Shell'Shell Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites RhondaLea 4 #9 February 8, 2006 QuoteRepost Spoilsport. If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Girlfalldown 0 #10 February 8, 2006 We need one of those repost posts that works like the blonde joke. -------------- (Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites gordy 0 #11 February 9, 2006 Is that not a repost that is actually a repost .....but good on to the original poster, as it made me smile! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. 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NWFlyer 2 #3 February 8, 2006 Seen this one a bunch of times but it always makes me giggle."There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
simplyputsi 0 #4 February 8, 2006 If I was drinking something It would have been all over monitor and keyboard. Cuz I like both cats and dogs that was just funny as hell to me.Skymama's #2 stalker - Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
alw 0 #5 February 8, 2006 Just goes to prove the adage, to a dog you're family, to a cat you're staff. --------------------------------------------- Every day is a bonus - every night is an adventure. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Girlfalldown 0 #6 February 8, 2006 That is so freakin funny! I'm forwarding this to Bob. We have two kitties that act just like this. -------------- (Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
speedy 0 #7 February 8, 2006 Repost Dave Fallschirmsport Marl Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shell666 0 #8 February 8, 2006 Here's a story a friend of mine sent me many moons ago about his roommate's cat and dog ... Back in 1967 I roomed with two other guys, Gary and Morris, in a Winnipeg apartment. The best things that could be said about the place was that it was: 1. inexpensive, and 2. it had the worlds greatest bathtub and hot water supply. The tub was one of those gigantic claw-footed cast iron jobbies that was about three feet deep - a depth of water that would cover even MY ample tummy - though come to think about it at that time I was about 175 lbs and was not preceeded through life by that part of my anatomy. You could fill this tub to the brim with hot, hot water and Mr. Bubble, put your mask and snorkle on, and soak away a bad day. Another 'feature' of the apartment were my room mates pets - Chow Mein, a fat and fluffy Persian cat with a high temperment - and Snork, an exhuberant but horribly stupid eleven month old German Shepherd. Whenever anyone would use the bathroom Snork would come busting through the door (cheap apartment - no maintenance, no locks) to see what was happening, have a drink from the toilet bowl, try to sniff your crotch, throw up in the corner, etc., etc. - and Chow would saunter in behind him and prowl around looking bored. If you were taking a bath at the time Snork would then inevitibly try to get under the tub where all the stray Cheezies and popcorn use to fall and Chow would climb up onto a narrow ledge above the taps and lie there, idly swatting at the drips coming out the spiggot (no maintenance, remember). It was a homey scene and one never felt lonely in that part of the house. Female visitors, though, could never quite reconcile themselves to this brouhaha in the bathroom and would go home whenever their bladders got full. It took me a couple of years to figure out why my love life was so pathetic - which, I suppose, makes a statement about how stupid guys can be. ANYway... One Saturday evening, after a hard day of playing football in the park, I was lying quietly in the tub soaking away my aches at about mid-mask depth with beer in one hand and a book in the other (Did you know you don't have to lift your head out of the water if you pour just the right ammount of beer down a snorkle? It takes a couple of cases of practice to get it right.) Snork was bumping around under the tub by my feet eating Cheezies and Dust Bunnies, and Chow Mein was dozing on her ledge with her head and one paw dangling over the edge after an hour or so of intense drop swatting. My eyelids were sagging as well by this point and it took a couple of seconds to register the fact that the stupid cat had fallen completely asleep and was slipping off the ledge. By the time I managed to sit up all that was visible of Chow above the water line was part of a vertically rigid tail with all the hair sticking straight out. I knew she was active though 'cause she had all of her claws sunk into my ankles, then my calves, then my thighs. While I know SHE thought she was running as fast as she could towards the air - as far as I was concerned she was slowly and painfully puncturing her way up my soggy carcass. I finally managed to get a firm hold of her when she got to my upper body but, while I could get her badly distorted, I couldn't get her unstuck from my chest and shoulders. As we were sitting there, nose to snorkle, the soapy water drained from her eyes - and with clearing vision her eyes registered a single thought - "KILL THIS BASTARD!! " Fangs bared and spitting, she wrenched one pawfull of claws loose from my body and started beating me around the face with it (thank God for SCUBA masks). As I arched backward in the tub trying to get away from the cat, from the corner of my eye I saw Snorks head pop up over the far end to see what all the fuss was about. As I strained still further back away from the cat my private parts broached the surface of the water and I saw his ears go straight up and HIS eyes register a single thought - "WOW, A GIGANTIC CHEESIE!!" - and he went for it. And deep water didn't slow HIM down at all. Things get a little blurry at this point but I do remember that there was any number of cats and dogs and rubber ducks, what could charitably be described as Tsunami conditions, some skidding around on a cold tile floor after flopping out of the tub, being introduced to Garys date, and finally getting Chow off me while constantly stumbling over Snork who was mournfully scrabbling around the floor looking for his lost MegaCheezie. It took about a week for Chow Mein to forgive me and over a month for her to swat drops again. As far as I know, Snork is STILL looking for his Cheezie. It took me most of that night to clean up the bathroom and two days to paint the ceiling of the apartment below ours. Well, that's about it. No matter how hard I try I can't find a moral to this story and it just sort of tapers off at this point. 'Shell'Shell Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RhondaLea 4 #9 February 8, 2006 QuoteRepost Spoilsport. If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Girlfalldown 0 #10 February 8, 2006 We need one of those repost posts that works like the blonde joke. -------------- (Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gordy 0 #11 February 9, 2006 Is that not a repost that is actually a repost .....but good on to the original poster, as it made me smile! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
