I'm done helping out a certain single mother

[briguy 0]

Maybe two weeks ago I dropped by a coworkers cube for something work related. She was in the cube with her son (an unusual occurrence). I was introduced to her son, made some small talk and asked her my work related question.

I got my answer and noticed that her 12 year old son was drawing drawing a battle scene with tanks and planes. It wasn't great artwork, but I could tell what was going on. I asked him about the picture and he started going on and on about WWII, naming the different types of tanks in his picture and what unit they were in.

It struck a chord with me because I have a real interest in military history, particularly WWII. I spent another few minutes chatting about the picture and his interests, then went back to work.

Thinking about my interaction that night at home, I decided to help foster the kid's interest through some means.

The next day at work I mentioned to my coworker (her son was not there) if she had seen HBO's Band of Brothers. She said no, but she had heard of it. I offered to loan her the set with the caveat that there was a lot of swearing, some gore and a bit of female nudity. She said she'd watch them first and then decide. No problem with me, I brought in the DVD set and loaned them to her.

Fast forward two weeks to today. I came into work this morning to find my DVD set on my office chair with a VERY nasty note on it.

Apparently, it's my fault that she let her kid watch a guy get his legs blown off even after I warned her about the gore.

I guess her son is also dropping the eff-bomb more frequently too.

I haven't confronted the coworker about the note yet. I'm not sure what, if anything, I should say. I think I'll let the whole matter alone....

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[freefalle 0]

tell her to kiss your ass, you tried to do something nice for her and her kid, you warned her about the movie, she should have watched it first. Ungrateful heffer.

[AlexCrowley 0]

yeah...just don't bother.

What kind of parent wouldnt review 600 minutes of material herself so her child could watch it, especially if it was recommended by a coworker she assumes has a fully functional brain.

"some gore and violence" vs "exploding bodies" == slightly different in the parental callibration center.

Letting my 9 year old watch a pg-13, thats a 'some gore and violence' style question. Letting her watch Zombie Flesh eaters isnt the same question, even though she likes zombies and monsters.

TV's got them images, TV's got them all, nothing's shocking.

[windcatcher 0]

Well, in the first place why would you even recommend a movie with gore and nudity in it to a 12 yr.old CHILD?

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[tcnelson 1]

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What kind of parent wouldnt review 600 minutes of material herself so her child could watch it

probably the kind that was warned to do so so that she could interact in her child's life by saying yea or nay...just that little thing known as parenting.

"Don't talk to me like that assface...I don't work for you yet." - Fletch
NBFT, Deseoso Rodriguez RB#1329

[briguy 0]

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Well, in the first place why would you even recommend a movie with gore and nudity in it to a 12 yr.old CHILD?

It's an HBO miniseries, people get shot in it. It's not my place to judge what her child should or shouldn't watch, I recommended it for the historical and entertainment value. The whole thing isn't one gigantic slaughter......

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[AlexCrowley 0]

Absolutely correct.

Nice avatar by the way.

As a parent I keep all people recommending stuff for my daughter in the 'ignorant asshole' catagory so I never take their recommendations as being vaguely sane.

Perhaps the mother actually thought briguy was able to make good judgement.

I dont think the mother was in the right at all. I think Briguys attitude after the fact is out of kilter with reality.

TV's got them images, TV's got them all, nothing's shocking.

[tcnelson 1]

because in this context, it's a learning tool. once again, the mother could have looked at it, decided it was "too much" and parented accordingly but, she didn't.

"Don't talk to me like that assface...I don't work for you yet." - Fletch
NBFT, Deseoso Rodriguez RB#1329

[tcnelson 1]

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Nice avatar by the way.

thanks.

i guess with our avatars together, one could ask, "so, you want to die the quick way or the slow way?"

"Don't talk to me like that assface...I don't work for you yet." - Fletch
NBFT, Deseoso Rodriguez RB#1329

[windcatcher 0]

I'm sorry, but I think both were in the wrong. I understand he was trying to help her out, and she should* have looked at the material, but on the other hand I don't think anybody should recommend such material for any child. Just my two cents

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[briguy 0]

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I dont think the mother was in the right at all. I think Briguys attitude after the fact is out of kilter with reality.

My attitude is.... how is this my fault? How am I the bad guy here? It's not like I was babysitting the kid and tossed the DVDs in.

At any point during the 600+ minute miniseries, she could have turned off the tv. Instead, it's easier to blame me.

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[jmpnkramer 0]

I would not let it bother you.

You had good intentions.

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Well, in the first place why would you even recommend a movie with gore and nudity in it to a 12 yr.old CHILD?

As for this ridiculous comment from someone who obviously has not seen the series well; I would ignore that as well.

It was an excellent series!



Laters,

K-MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



.

The REAL KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMER!

"HESITATION CAUSES DEATH!!!"
"Be Slow to Fall into Friendship; but when Thou Art in, Continue Firm & Constant." - SOCRATES

[AlexCrowley 0]

It's not a question of fault, which is really what I commented on.

mistakes were made, on the mothers part and on yours. Both of you seem to be .............. enough to not see anyone elses point of view.

As a parent I can see why she's upset, but I think she was wrong. If you had given me age inappropriate material for my child I would probably catch it simply because it's something I'm generally aware of. However, coming from a collegue at work with whom I interacted and perhaps even respected I may simply take your warning as part of your recommending the DVDs as something that my child would enjoy watching. (PG-13 vs R rated materials mentioned above).

Sure, you didnt think about why, but had I been her position 1) my child wouldnt have seen it and 2) I would have thanked you for your kind offer and then talked to you about your amazing lack of judgement with regards to suitable material kids to watch.

Unless you truly believe it's not your problem, in which case in a couple of years that kids going to be really into sex and i'm sure you could lend him some of your porn collection.

TV's got them images, TV's got them all, nothing's shocking.

[wmw999 2,584]

The short version

BOB is probably not appropriate for 12-year-olds, unless they've been exposed to a lot (we used to have friends who took their 13-year-old to watch "Carlitos' Way" ).
A stronger warning from you would have been in order.
A nice note from her thanking you but indicating it turned out to be inappropriate would have been in order.

That was yesterday, and you still have to work together.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[AlexCrowley 0]

So thats where my higher brain functions went!!

TV's got them images, TV's got them all, nothing's shocking.

[briguy 0]

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That was yesterday, and you still have to work together.

This is the part I'm trying to focus on. Hopefully she won't be in my face about it.

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[Scoop 0]

Remind her that real people lost there lives and limbs so that she could be so grossly offended by such material and live in the manner that she does today and to get a life.

I wonder what she expected from a war series

Its OK that it happened in real life to thousands of people but its too traumatic to let a 12 year old be aware of it

[RhondaLea 4]

Quote

Quote

I dont think the mother was in the right at all. I think Briguys attitude after the fact is out of kilter with reality.

My attitude is.... how is this my fault?

I don't understand all the replies in this thread.

You mentioned the tapes, you mentioned the pitfalls, you gave her the choice, she said yes.

It wasn't your fault, and she had no business writing you a nasty note, when she didn't live up to her responsibilities.

Furthermore, ratings aside, 12-year olds can handle people getting the legs blown off. I never kept my daughter from watching anything, but we did talk about it either during or after. She loved horror movies, and I couldn't stand them, but I would take her anyway, even though it meant a lot of lost sleep for me (nightmares).

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[GTAVercetti 0]

Thanks for reading my mind.

That was super.

Why yes, my license number is a palindrome. Thank you for noticing.

[leapdog 0]

Firstly, from now on, as if you didn't learn this. Keep business as business. coworkers aren't real friends actually just aquantences(sp?).

Secondly, read my signature line. With that being said since you started this whether or not you think she is right, she is upset and she thinks it's your fault. Since you work together apologize and state that your intentions were for the best. Then leave it alone.

Never get personal at work.

Gunnery Sergeant of Marines
"I would like it if I were challenged mentally at my job and not feel like I'm mentally challenged." - Co-worker

[tigra 0]

Its a historic and realistic beautifully filmed and acted mini-series. The discs themselves are also loaded with a ton of factual historical data- easily accessible extras. You wouldn't recommend a 12 year learn more about a history he's already fascinated with? You wouldn't want a 12 yeard old who is already exposed to far worse violence on a day to day basis to see something that shows war as the ugly violent thing that it is? Its not like he loaned the kid a violent R rated video without his mother's consent.

[SkyDaemon 0]

Careful with any kids that aren't yours. They can be complete mine fields as the values and theories of parenting vary radically from parent to parent, as does the definition of 'acceptable'.

What was the phrase... "The road to hell is paved with good intentions"?

While your willingness to try to get involved and help show the kid a DVD about a subject he was interested in, was certainly trying to be helpful and kind, it's also playing with fire to give kids anything that contains mass violence, coarse language, nudity... in fact it's often dangerous to give said things to adults.

It reminds me of the kid who pointed out the window the car at the porn store and asked "what does 'adult' mean?" and I could only respond with 'childish'. Most people I know have a hard time digesting war movies and the concepts involved. It is part of what draws them to it and leaves them thinking heavily about the issues involved. Some people become more mature and reasonable in their consideration of such things over time, while others simply become desensitized to it.

Given that I'm sure the cover of the movie said something to the effect of 'war movie' on it and she said she 'had heard of it', it's a sad state of affairs that she took what she knew to be sensitive material and just dropped it on the kid without watching it first or turning it off at the first scene she thought was inappropriate.

Try to understand where she's coming from. She has some goals in raising her kid and apparently she feels this DVD did more harm than good. She's frustrated, partially at you, and probably to some extent at herself and her kid for a variety of reasons.

You may consider approaching her and telling her that you see her side of that, and that your intentions were good although the results seem to have blown up in everyone's faces. Letting her know you see her side of it and explaining how you think things could go better next time would probably solve things between you, make for a stronger rapport, and also mean you don't have a coworker who's pissed at you. ;-)

Just my $0.02, take it for what it's worth.

Best of luck,
-=Raistlin

find / -name jumpers -print; cat jumpers $USER > manifest; cd /dev/airplane; more altitude; make jump; cd /pub; more beer;

[cocheese 0]

at 12 i had a hairy chest and moustache and thought i knew everything. Felt like an adult. Twelve year olds know right from wrong. Thirty five year old single moms are the ones who often need a clue.

[skinnyshrek 0]

Thirty five year old single moms are the ones who often need a clue..


And your just the man to give them that clue aren't ya?

http://www.skydivethefarm.com

do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM?

[Snowwhite 0]

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Absolutely correct.

Nice avatar by the way.

As a parent I keep all people recommending stuff for my daughter in the 'ignorant asshole' catagory so I never take their recommendations as being vaguely sane.

Perhaps the mother actually thought briguy was able to make good judgement.

I dont think the mother was in the right at all. I think Briguys attitude after the fact is out of kilter with reality.

\

Having raised a number of kids myself, I think that I would have taken the original posters suggestion that I review it myself first as the first sign of his good judgement.
If I didn't have the time to review it, or was concerned about the content, I would have either thanked him politely, and turned it down, or watched it WITH my kid(s).
I usually did the latter. Hey, my kids, adopted kids, foster kids and foreign exchange kids all grew up great.
I would NOT have blamed my bad parenting on a well meaning co-worker.

skydiveTaylorville.org
freefallbeth@yahoo.com