How Do Your Perceptions Of People Affect Your Relationships?

[windcatcher 0]

I wanna go all psychological and stuff on you guys. So come on, share.

This is kind of a broad topic, but I am really am interested in it. How do you think your perceptions of people affect your relationships with them? Are you ever aware of biases you may have towards yourself in relating to others?

For example, I think it's possible that one person from someone's past can dictate how that person perceives similar people. For instance, if a kid named Matt hit you when you were young, you may have some unconscious negative feelings towards all guys named Matt, or guys who looked like the Matt that hit you when you were young.

How do you think your relationships are affected by either false perceptions of people or false perceptions you may have of yourself?

and I don't want any lectures!

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[PLFXpert 0]

I don't like girls named Stacy.

Every guy I ever dated was previously "in love" with a girl named Stacy---including the present boy-toy.

My step mom is named Stacy and she is evil (well, was evil, we've grown past this stage now, but there's the still the name issue).

I knew a guy in school named Stacy, and he was an asshole.

<---stays away from "Stacy"s

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[windcatcher 0]

thanks for your post, very entertaining!

edited to add: I don't much care for the name Stacy either

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[ccowden 0]

I think girls who go by "windcatcher" are sexy. But that is just because I perceive them as such.

[tso-d_chris 0]

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I wanna go all psychological and stuff on you guys. So come on, share.

This is kind of a broad topic, but I am really am interested in it. How do you think your perceptions of people affect your relationships with them? Are you ever aware of biases you may have towards yourself in relating to others?

For example, I think it's possible that one person from someone's past can dictate how that person perceives similar people. For instance, if a kid named Matt hit you when you were young, you may have some unconscious negative feelings towards all guys named Matt, or guys who looked like the Matt that hit you when you were young.

How do you think your relationships are affected by either false perceptions of people or false perceptions you may have of yourself?

and I don't want any lectures!

I think it's inevitable that our past experiences with people influences our future interactions with people we consciously or unconsciously find similar.

For Great Deals on Gear

[windcatcher 0]

Thanks Chris, I think
I am just a huge dork.

And to the OTHER Chris, I completely agree

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[NWFlyer 2]

IMO, part of growing up is learning how to see people as they are, not how you perceive them to be. Learning to, as you get to know someone, see past the preconceived notions. Past the stereotypes, past the "bucket" that you put them into when you first met them.

We all do that ... we categorize people in order to organize our world at a macro level a little bit. But if you really want to build meaningful relationships, you get past that on the micro level.

I'm going through hell with a friend right now because he creates mental images of people that don't ever change (or they change so slowly as to be meaningless). He meets a woman, and will fall in "love" with her immediately. What he's falling for is his idealized version of her. He becomes disillusioned as he finds out who she really is, because, no matter who she is, good or bad, she is not who he made her out to be.

Same goes with his friends. The role that they have played in his life at one point is the one they need to play at all times. He has a perception of who I am (in his world) and because I am no longer that person, he is angry at me. Who I am today is not better/worse relative to who I am in his mind, just "different."

I try to get past perceptions in my friendships, at least if I expect them to be long-lasting. The friendships that I've had for a long period of time have changed and grown as the people in them have changed and grown. Some of them lasted, some of them faded. I find it fascinating to look back at the person that I first perceived, the person I first got to be friends with, and the person they are today. All the same person, but unless my perception of them was able to shift, our friendship wouldn't have grown.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[Girlfalldown 0]

RL's gonna love this! When I was a kid, my older brother had a friend who dated this super sexy girl named Rhonda. Whenever I overheard them talking about her they'd go "Rhhhhonda Rhhhonda Rhhonda" sort of like they were reving the engine on a super fast motorcycle. For a while whenever I heard that name I'd think of some hot and sexy young girl with long flowing hair and a rock hard body that's ready for action.

(I guess that's not a negative thing)

--------------

(Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.)

[PLFXpert 0]

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I don't much care for the name Stacy either

I know--it just sounds evil, too, doesn't it? I once came across a video in my hunny's collection (he does video) titled "Staci's skydive". It was her tandem video. She looked evil and was SO not happy after her jump. How can you not be ecstatic after your first (and her last) ever jump??? Pure evil.

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[RhondaLea 4]

Every "Rhonda" I've ever known has been very strange.

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[windcatcher 0]

I agree with you too Krisanne. Something that bugs me is that people often times won't get to know us, because they might perceive us in the wrong way. There are some girls who I thought would be snobby, and ended up being really friendly; some guys who I thought were full of themselves, and ended up being really sweet.
I think it's a natural tendency for humans to perceive others incorrectly, and even the way they perceive themselves can affect the way they see others.
I shudder to think of any ways people falsely think of me as. I would be devastated if any one ever thought I acted better than them,ick!

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[PLFXpert 0]

If it's any consolation, I get "you're totally not like I'd thought you'd be" all the time. I think this is a good thing, but then what the hell were they thinking of me before?

I tend not to give a shit---my boyfriend "gets" me, and as long as he does, that's all that matters

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[NWFlyer 2]

I don't mean my response to be some pollyannaish "can't we all just get along" post... we're all going to like some people more and less, regardless of perceptions. But if someone is in our life, we owe it to them to judge them on who they are, not who we have created them to be in our head.

[TALONSKY 0]

While my only basis for my opinion is just my life experiance, I have never met a Heather that is not a mental case ( I have dated two and known 4 ohters)and while I have only met one nice Lisa I have met a large number of Lisa's that are total nut jobs ( I have known atleast 7 Lisa) to.
Kirk

[PLFXpert 0]

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But if someone is in our life, we owe it to them to judge them on who they are, not who we have created them to be in our head.

Shhhhh! My boyfriend has created me in his head to be an angel. Don't ruin it for me! He is blind to my obvious flaws

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[PLFXpert 0]

Loving that I was able to help us all bring out our "name" issues

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[AlexCrowley 0]

Hmmm.

I hate everyone. So you could say it effects my relationships with them.

Names?

Why not star signs?

how about 'spanish lesbian midgets with a predeliction for guinness and hong kong action movies always make me feel a little threatened.'

TV's got them images, TV's got them all, nothing's shocking.

[NWFlyer 2]

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But if someone is in our life, we owe it to them to judge them on who they are, not who we have created them to be in our head.

Shhhhh! My boyfriend has created me in his head to be an angel. Don't ruin it for me! He is blind to my obvious flaws

Your secret's safe with me. I keep revealing all of my obvious flaws and my boyfriend keeps sticking around. Maybe he has the same problem as yours.

[lisamariewillbe 1]

insert *wide eyed blinky emoticon*

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[NWFlyer 2]

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insert *wide eyed blinky emoticon*

As you've mentioned to us many a time, your name is NOT Lisa.

[PLFXpert 0]

Maybe so, maybe so.

Does yours even find these flaws charming???

Yesterday, he caught me in one of my "quirks". In fact, he was waiting for it---and I heard him coming down the hall and shouted "You stop right there!" and meant it! But, he did not stop right there, he came in laughing hysterically at me and then grabbed me and told me how much he loved me.

Looks like my love-drugging works.

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[lisamariewillbe 1]

oops I forgot, your so sweet made my day...

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[skybytch 273]

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while I have only met one nice Lisa I have met a large number of Lisa's that are total nut jobs ( I have known atleast 7 Lisa)

All women named Lisa are nut jobs.

[Michele 1]

Great topic.

When I was younger, I did broadly catagorize and box people. I would relate to them from the egoistic position, as in the way I believed them to be.

Through the years, I had tons of experiences that proved me wrong; the person who I thought would be thus-and-such, wasn't, or the person that I thought was this-and-that, was actually completely different.

It took some time, and a long, hard look at me and my preconceptions, and I have moved past that mostly. The stereotyping we do on a personal level is similar to that done on a macro level, but as Krisanne said, there comes a time to re-evaluate and put aside those preconceptions, and just allow a person to be.

Allowing a person to just be, with no expectation of X or Y, allows a person to show up exactly as they are. And that information needs to be examined, addressed, and a determination made if one will allow that person exactly as they are in one's life, and if so, how far. There are people who, once their true colors have been shown, are not on my "friends" list. And there are people who, once their true colors have been shown, are very, very close to me when I wouldn't have allowed them there years ago.

There is judgment; of course there is. Nothing wrong with that at all, as long as it's based in honesty, understanding what one wants and needs in their life, accepting people as they are, and allowing them to be who they are. The choice to then continue in the relationship (however casual, male or female, friendship or deeper intimacy) becomes a real choice, and not one made from preconceived ideas of how a person should behave, or what a particular behavior means.

I like making real choices...

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[livendive 8]

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Every "Rhonda" I've ever known has been very strange.

Same ... except that you dramatically understated it for me.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)