Honesty

[GiaKrembs 0]

Everyone professes that honesty is key to any relationship, whether it's a friend/lover/mom... etc.

Question: If you knew something that could potentially hurt someone (that is close to you) would you tell them??? Would you be honest????

If you don't tell, does that make you a liar???

Would you want your friends/loved ones to be honest with you knowing that it may hurt you???

g

Raddest ho this side of Jersey #1 - rest in peace brother
Beth lost her cherry and I missed it
.... you want access to it, but you don't want to break it.

[Andy_Copland 0]

This souds like one of them situations with no solid answer, one of those ones where you have to make a good judgment call.

1338

People aint made of nothin' but water and shit.

Until morale improves, the beatings will continue.

[RevJim 0]

I'm a liar. I intentionally withhold information that could hurt, but that's me. I'm supposed to be compassionate, not hurtfull. I also really don't want to know anything negative either...

It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

[livendive 8]

Totally depends on the information and the relationship. I don't think that not volunteering information is always "dishonest", but it's also not the same as withholding information. Some things should be volunteered, other things are more of a "don't tell unless asked" nature.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[GiaKrembs 0]

This was merely a hypothetical situation... I'm not currently mulling anything over.

I noticed in Rosa's thread that just about everyone checked the "I've lied to a friend" item... That left me wondering why you would lie. Is it for the safety of others - do we have the best intentions, or is it selfish???

Just curious.

g

Raddest ho this side of Jersey #1 - rest in peace brother
Beth lost her cherry and I missed it
.... you want access to it, but you don't want to break it.

[PLFXpert 0]

I don't know...for me there exist different levels of lies.

I've fibbed a lot in my time. Not nearly as much anymore, was more an adolescent thing. Fibs for me = exaggerations/stretches of a truth. But not really when stating facts about myself or things important, more so to make a story a little more interesteing or about an event or someone else

I've definitely lied, but can't remember the last time I did
God blessed or cursed me (depending on how you look at it) with a REALLY good conscience. I physically/emotionally can NOT handle feeling guilty about anything, like if I've done someone wrong. But, I also dont' feel guilty about some things people might....I mean, I never drop a coin in that annoying bell-ringers bucket

My hunny recently told me a big lie. I was furious. I understand why he thought it was a good way to go. But, inevitably it WASN'T and had I known I could have prevented a huge mistake on his part.

Other than that, I don't think we have any secrets/lies from each other. But, that's not to say I don't think there's a time & place for that, but RARELY.

In general, it's always best to be honest.

If you operate in your's and your friends/familys/loved ones' best interest, then I don't see why it would be worth lying about anything, as they would certainly understand the reasons...even if they were hurt by how it turned out.

I think in an "in love" relationship, honesty is VERY KEY. In a friend/mom relationship as you mentioned, I don't think it's as important, but still overall a good idea.

Hope that helps

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[GiaKrembs 0]

Would you want to know if you hurt a friend?

g

Raddest ho this side of Jersey #1 - rest in peace brother
Beth lost her cherry and I missed it
.... you want access to it, but you don't want to break it.

[NWFlyer 2]

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I noticed in Rosa's thread that just about everyone checked the "I've lied to a friend" item... That left me wondering why you would lie. Is it for the safety of others - do we have the best intentions, or is it selfish???

Just curious.

g

For me, I answered thinking specifically of selfish moves that I made when I was younger (and I mean a LOT younger). Back then I thought lying was a better option than owning up when I'd fucked up. Now I know it's only a bandaid, and a crappy one at that.

But let's say I have two friends - I'll call them A and B. If I know A is doing something that could hurt B, I will encourage A to be honest with B. If A asks me not to talk about it with B, I may say "Fine, but you need to talk about it and if I'm asked, I'm not going to lie for you and I'm not going to go through great machinations to avoid the topic."

It's not always my place to go running to B and say "I know something!" but it's also not my place to lie, just because I'm also friends with A.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[livendive 8]

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Would you want to know if you hurt a friend?

Sure, but that would be telling me that I hurt someone, not telling me something that would hurt me (which was the original question).

Would you want to know if I knew that you hurt someone who knew that I'd been hurt by someone who knew you?

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[darnknit 0]

being honest with people you deal with is almost as important as being compassianate. honesty without compassion is brutality.

blue stuff,
p.j.

pulling is cool. keep it in the skin

[VanillaSkyGirl 6]

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Question: If you knew something that could potentially hurt someone (that is close to you) would you tell them??? Would you be honest????

I have in the past been brutally honest/truthful, but I have also lied to spare people's feelings, somewhat recently. I am not sure what is best. Personally, I would want total honesty from friends and vice versa. Unfortunately, no matter what you do, you are going to end up hurting someone, every once in a while.

I also think that withholding information or omitting something important can definitely be viewed as being dishonest.

[GiaKrembs 0]

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Would you want to know if you hurt a friend?

Sure, but that would be telling me that I hurt someone, not telling me something that would hurt me (which was the original question).

Would you want to know if I knew that you hurt someone who knew that I'd been hurt by someone who knew you?

Buttmuncher!!! I'm merely expanding the conversation. I could tell you that you hurt someone, and it may make you feel bad still the same, no?

Just you wait.... I will be prepared with my painted pink flowered hard hat for protection too!!!

g

Raddest ho this side of Jersey #1 - rest in peace brother
Beth lost her cherry and I missed it
.... you want access to it, but you don't want to break it.

[RhondaLea 4]

It depends.

Is it something the other person really needs to know?

Honesty for the sake of honesty alone is often manipulative.

I'd rather be dishonest than manipulative.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[Thanatos340 1]

Life is not always Black and white.

I dont like to see my friends hurt but if they ask a straight forward question.. They will get a straight foreward answer (Even if it is NOT what they want to hear). At the same time, I am not likely to go out of my way to tell a friend something that will only hurt them.

[darnknit 0]

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I'd rather be dishonest than manipulative.

are you sure you woudn't rather be both?

pulling is cool. keep it in the skin

[RhondaLea 4]

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I'd rather be dishonest than manipulative.

are you sure you woudn't rather be both?

Well, if the choice were being dishonest and manipulative or being a crackhead, I guess I'd go for the former.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[darnknit 0]

see what i mean?

pulling is cool. keep it in the skin

[GTAVercetti 0]

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I'd rather be dishonest than manipulative.

are you sure you woudn't rather be both?

Well, if the choice were being dishonest and manipulative or being a crackhead, I guess I'd go for the former.

rl

But aren't many crackheads both dishonest AND manipulative? I mean, how else are they gonna get someone to let them "borrow" their VCR?

Why yes, my license number is a palindrome. Thank you for noticing.

[VanillaSkyGirl 6]

Is not being totally honest always done to "spare" someone else's feelings? Could it also be that people just don't want to deal with the awkwardness of actually having to deal with their friends' unpleasant emotions, sometimes? I wonder if it's also occasionally not a control issue. Knowing more than someone else sometimes makes people feel as though they have more control over a situation/relationship.

This is an interesting thread, Gia. Thanks for starting it.

[PsychoBob 0]

***Would you want your friends/loved ones to be honest with you knowing that it may hurt you???

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Absolutely! Just recently a very good friend of mine was up front and honest about a problem I was creating. It was not what I wanted to hear, but it was the truth and they were right.

Her honesty made me re-evalute some things and I think it will make me a better person down the road. It also shows they are a real friend and will tell you the truth not matter how much it hurts.

It's hard to find real friends so when you find one make sure you
cherish them.

"I'm not a gynecologist but I will take a look at it"
RB #1295, Smokey Sister #1, HellFish #658, Dirty Sanchez #194, Muff Brothers #3834, POPS #9614, Orfun Foster-Parent?"

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[Thanatos340 1]

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If you knew something that could potentially hurt someone (that is close to you) would you tell them???

Its OK Gia.. You can go ahead and tell your friend that you are secretly madly in lust with me and you want to have my Puppies!! I am sure she will forgive you!

[PsychoBob 0]

"The Thanatos Puppies" that's a great name for a punk band!

"I'm not a gynecologist but I will take a look at it"
RB #1295, Smokey Sister #1, HellFish #658, Dirty Sanchez #194, Muff Brothers #3834, POPS #9614, Orfun Foster-Parent?"

[base689 0]

> I dont like to see my friends hurt but if they ask a straight forward question, they will get a straight foreward answer (Even if it is NOT what they want to hear)
I can understand your point and I respect it and I respect you. As well, I understand that the above comes from YOU in your own culture.
Myself in MY culture; I would have a way milder approach. I wouldn't like to be the "needle of the scale" who can change someone's life just telling "something".
I think this way: If I weren't "there" and/or if I didn't see "that", should I know it? No.
If I didn't know that, could I say "it" to him? No.
Who am I to change/upset someone's (a friend, maybe) life?
And I am NOT talking about being with "sewn-lips" about pedophelia, killings or similar stuff; I am talking about something that either I saw/come to know by chance or I shouldn't have come to know. So I ask to myself: who on earth am I to completely upset someone else's life?

> At the same time, I am not likely to go out of my way to tell a friend something that will only hurt them
I understand and respect your point, but for me it doesn't make this great difference between "been asked" and "tell it myself".
In the situation of being compelled to hurt one of two friends, I would choose for the solution "let's behave as if I didn't know".

Stay safe out there
Blue Skies and Soft Walls
BASE #689 - base_689AT_NO_123_SPAMyahoo.com

[Thanatos340 1]

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Just recently a very good friend of mine was up front and honest about a problem I was creating.

Glad I could help Bob. Like I said, a Little Gas-X goes a long way!!

[mcneill79 0]

I recently encountered a situation where a friend of mine was in a position where she could have gotten hurt. I decided not to say anything for the moment, for a few reasons. Another friend actually told her and she was quite happy to have the information. So I guess in this case I was wrong to not tell her. It's so hard to know in these cases. I'm with rl though, I would much rather be dishonest than manipulative.