Help! How do I kill a wasp with a plastic knife and a futon?

[mmytacism 0]

So, I came home from work today to find a fat, angry wasp buzzing around my apartment. And no, I don't mean a white Protestant.

This is one gargantuan ugly mofo.

Basically, I need to kill it. But I don't have any spray available, and I'm afraid my heavy-handed blows will get me stung. I'd prefer to come out of this battle unwounded.

I've spent the last 20 minutes soliciting advice from friends, but they keep recommending stuff like cleaning supplies (I don't clean much) and Pam (I don't exactly cook, either).

In fact, all I really have at my disposal is a futon and a plastic knife. Oh, and toilet paper. Okay, yeah, and a bunch of synthesizer keyboards, but I'd like to keep wasp guts off the pitch wheels if at all possible.

So, what's the best way for an insect-timid girl to murder a wasp in one fell swoop?

Tips much appreciated. Oh, and people willing to come to my apartment and kill the wasp *for me* especially appreciated. I'll even buy you a beer and wrap your wounds...with toilet paper and Scotch tape.

I'm locked in my bedroom until I have a battle plan! FREE ME!

[turtlespeed 226]

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So, I came home from work today . . . .

Go open a door and run around wafting air at it until it goes outside . . . shut door.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[yamtx73 0]

Use the futon to trap it in a corner then stab it to death with the plastic knife....

If that doesn't work you can always resort to a rolled up newspaper or magazine...

The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers...

[mnealtx 0]

A frying pan makes a very good "bat" for smacking them down....

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[NtheSeaOrSky 0]

um, a shoe

watch it till it lands, and pounce!

they are pretty stupid, usually watch you as you obliterate them without trying to fly off as you approach

.

Life is not fair and there are no guarantees...

[mmytacism 0]

A frying pan? I don't even own silverware let alone a pan!

I *do* have some heaps of paper here, but... what if I take a swing, miss the bastard and he comes back with a powerful strike?

I will not let him win this battle!

[skymama 37]

Roll up a towel and snap at it. If you had a sister, I'm sure you used this technique on her when you were young. At least my brothers did that to me!

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Girlfalldown 0]

Open your doors and windows and then light your futon on fire. Wasps hate smoke so he'll fly right out!

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(Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.)

[mmytacism 0]

The door idea would be great, but I'd have to get the wasp to follow me down a flight of stairs.

I do own a shoe (actually two!), but he's buzzing around so quickly that I don't know if I can catch him!

[livendive 8]

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I'll even buy you a beer and wrap your wounds...with toilet paper and Scotch tape.

Obviously you need to make a big ball of Scotch tape with the sticky stuff on the outside, then throw the ball at the wasp so he sticks to it and it sticks to the wall. Then you can walk up and stab him with the plastic knife at your leisure.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[mmytacism 0]

Now we're talking.

Although...I just went into my kitchen to evaluate my options, and he's GONE!

Maybe he committed suicide out of guilt?

Where would you hide if you were a wasp?

[livendive 8]

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Now we're talking.

Although...I just went into my kitchen to evaluate my options, and he's GONE!

Maybe he committed suicide out of guilt?

Where would you hide if you were a wasp?

I hate to tell you this, but he's probably hiding in the covers on your bed or futon.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[waltappel 1]

Gawd, what a girlie girl!!!!

If you have a cannister vacuum cleaner, just vacuum it.

If you don't, there are any number of other means.

* wrap a towel around your hand and arm and swat it.

* take a lighter and nearly any kind of aerosol and you have an instant flamethrower.

* fire extinguisher.

* use a shoe to swat it.

* tennis racket covered with Saran wrap and use your best backhand.

* find some poor bastard, do your best "boo hoo hoo" act and get him to do your dirty work.

* if you feel like putting some style into it, one word--scissors.

In short, use your imagination!!!

Walt

[mmytacism 0]

Well, I *did* light my kitchen on fire the other day. I guess I could do it again and let the wasp go down in flames! Yay!!

Now, if only I could find him... he must be mocking me from somewhere.

If he is under my futon cushion, I'll have to burn it!

[Icon134 0]

hmmm... you could go to the store and buy some insect spray... or... I think I might have some in the garage which you are certainly welcome to use... You'll have to come over and get it...

Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife...

[waltappel 1]

I'm thinking this could make some really funny video!

Walt

[jstntym21 0]

Have you tried reasoning with it? Or maybe harsh language?

http://www.myspace.com/jump_land_pack_repeat

Blue Skies
@TurT!e@

[popsjumper 2]

Get a female wasp...perform a marriage ceremony..cut the cake with the knife...he'll die on the futon consummating the marriage.

Oh wait...now you've got a female wasp roaming around...use HAIRSPRAY!

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[tbrown 26]

Go down to the nearest convenience store and buy a can of Raid.

You don't happen to own a shotgun, do you ?

Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity !

[Richards 0]

Go with the plastic knife. Show him who's boss and aim for his gentitals and eyes.

Richards

My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

[Acensky 0]

Do you have hairspray? Put something sweet or liquor( get it drunk) out in the open and let it start to eat it and then spray the crap out of it. the weight of the hairspray will slow it down enough to use a newspaper or shoe to kill it.

Good luck!

Heather

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

[Muenkel 0]

Ahh, a topic I have experience with.

Just last week I had the entire house bombed (or is it balmed?) because I had an infestation of wasps.

This is what I learned from the exterminator. This is the time of year they are waking up and coming out of their nests due to the warmer temps. Normally they are pretty sluggish when they first wake up. Yours sounds quite perky. You're not supposed to use Raid indoors due to its toxicity. Here's a suggestion. If you happen to have a bug zapper, put it in a common area of your house and turn off the lights. By the time you wake up in the morning, it will probably be zapped. A warning though; if this wasp did not come in from the outside, then you probably have more. If that's the case, I suggest the bombing.

Good luck.

Chris

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Chris

[XXTurTleXX 0]

Bombing would definitely do it! It shouldn't take too long to rebuild!!

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http://www.myspace.com/jump_land_pack_repeat

[ExAFO 0]

Shoot it with hairspray. It'll weigh down its wings. Then it will crash. Then step on it. (wear shoes.)

Illinois needs a CCW Law. NOW.

[Muenkel 0]

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Bombing would definitely do it! It shouldn't take too long to rebuild!!

1 post, and an excellent one.

Please become a post whore.

Chris

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Chris