yardhippie 0 #1 April 14, 2006 So I may be a repost, and it is NOT pc, but hey I chuckled. Eight sure-fire ways to tell if you are gay... 1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet. 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay. 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too. 6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious. 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his bitch in the passenger seat. 8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
2fat2fly 0 #2 April 14, 2006 Just sent this to my cat-loving manager. Can my soon to be unemployed ass come live with you?I am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yardhippie 0 #3 April 14, 2006 QuoteJust sent this to my cat-loving manager. Can my soon to be unemployed ass come live with you? NO! You have a wife, she can support you while you watch baseball and eat BBQ! now go tell her this on her birthday! Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
2fat2fly 0 #4 April 14, 2006 I catch enough grief for pointing out that she was born on the day that the Titanic hit the iceberg and that Lincoln was shotI am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yardhippie 0 #5 April 14, 2006 QuoteI catch enough grief for pointing out that she was born on the day that the Titanic hit the iceberg and that Lincoln was shot Sweet! Now I have other fun things I can throw at mine too! Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
2fat2fly 0 #6 April 14, 2006 Just make sure that you can duck what she throws backI am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rehmwa 2 #7 April 14, 2006 Quote6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, Let's see: Black, Grey, White, Green, Brown, uhhh Chrome? And: Ice cream, cake, .... is tequila a dessert? ... Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yardhippie 0 #8 April 14, 2006 QuoteQuote6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, Let's see: Black, Grey, White, Green, Brown, uhhh Chrome? And: Ice cream, cake, .... is tequila a dessert? Chrome is not a color, its a way of life. Tequila is only a dessert if you're halucinating and think youre eating pie. Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sickandtwisted 0 #9 April 14, 2006 Quoteis tequila a dessert? Only if she has salt on her neck & a wedge of lime in her mouth.Skymama stalker #69!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #10 April 14, 2006 Alright, I'm comparing myself to this list. 1) No washboard stomach? Check. 2) No cat? Check. 3) No sucking on lollipops, etc? Check. 4) I'll dump in restrooms, but I won't pee in public anymore. I got ticketed for that once, and I made up my mind that next time I'll just piss my pants and buy another ten pairs - it'll be cheaper. 5) Drinking only caffeinated, sugared and fat-laden coffee? Check. 6) Colors and desserts? Well, I have to admit I know more than 6 colors. Heck, I know more than 6 color differentiations of the color "pink." Is that wrong? And desserts? Chicks dig them. And textiles? What about leather, flannel, etc? 7) Drive with one hand? Check, unless it's with the knees. 8) French films? An exception to the rule should be "Man Bites Dog" (it's in French, but a Belgian flick). My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rehmwa 2 #11 April 14, 2006 QuoteAlright, I'm comparing myself to this list. That's funny, I was just comparing you to the list. ... Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #12 April 14, 2006 QuoteQuoteAlright, I'm comparing myself to this list. That's funny, I was just comparing you to the list. Which is interesting. If you are looking for a prospective mate, I don't swing that way. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But I can refer you to some twinkies... My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #13 April 14, 2006 Addendum to #2. Dog must be of a Reasonable size. Any Mini/Toy sized dogs (Rat on Steroids) simply means that the gerbil was no longer doing it for you and you were forced to upsize. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #14 April 14, 2006 I have two cats. YOU GOTTA F*&KIN' PROBLEM WITH THAT??? Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rehmwa 2 #15 April 14, 2006 QuoteQuoteQuoteAlright, I'm comparing myself to this list. That's funny, I was just comparing you to the list. Which is interesting. If you are looking for a prospective mate, I don't swing that way. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But I can refer you to some twinkies... Interesting, Twinkies are snack food with both oil and filling. Instead of a prospective mate, perhaps just warming up a couple snack cakes and... (I really don't want to finish this bit if you don't mind. Nothing good can come from it.) ... Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DJL 235 #16 April 14, 2006 Is it still Gay if you want a Bengal Cat?"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
n2skdvn 0 #17 April 14, 2006 What if ya have a cat named Shitty??? or how about batman?if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN my site Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrBrant 0 #18 April 14, 2006 Quote. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious. Cordura anyone? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #19 April 14, 2006 QuoteQuote. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious. Cordura anyone? Poly Cotton?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #20 April 14, 2006 Spandex Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #21 April 14, 2006 QuoteSpandex Cool Max LinerI'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
