How do you cope?

[warpedskydiver 0]

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I used to confide in friends, then I realized that most friends are only your friends during times of good health and happiness. I still have a few people I confide in, however I stopped looking at them as just friends and consider them my family, but I cope now by refusing to allow defeat. I suck it up, smile , and pretend life is just grand. Eventually I get to stop pretending.

Sounds like you didn't understand what friends really were back then

True friends don't need to be asked for help or support...they just know when it's needed

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[ChrisL 2]

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You cope with the bad by celebrating the good.

Amen

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My mighty steed

[airdweller 0]

How do you cope with life's events?

I rearrange

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"From the mightiest pharaoh to the lowliest peasant,
who doesn't enjoy a good sit?" C. Montgomery Burns

[lawrocket 3]

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How do you cope with life's events? the good? the bad? the ugly?

I tend to cope with them all in the same way. I don't get too happy or excited about the good and great that happen to me. I'm not a gloomy person by any means, but I know that good times are only good because there are bad times.

Similarly, I expect bad and ugly events to occur, and I take them with a grain of salt like I do the good events. Maybe it's because my primary goal is not happiness that I am able to do this. Whether or not I am "happy" at the time is important, but my reaction to it is more important.

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Do you vent to friend?

No. I usually discuss it. Venting is the release of frustrations. The release thatworks best for me is working through a problem to find a solution, and my friends and wife are usually the best at offering suggestions or bouncing ideas off of.

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do you go to a psychologist? counselor?

I did a year and a half ago, when my coping mechanisms were shot after the birth of my son. It was the first time I ever said, "I need help, I can't do this alone." I shirked some responsibilities because I was more interested in being a new father/husband than being a businessman. I needed help, balance, and it was not something that my wife was capable of assisting me with from an objective standpoint.

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Take meds?

Yep. Adderal. It certainly helps me cope with conflicting responsibilities.

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Do you deal with it alone?

Most of the time. Very few know me well enough to be able to participate in my coping sessions - even less understand it.

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How do you celebrate the good and cope with the not so good?

I do the same process for both. I ask the following questions, regardless of whether it was a good or bad thing:

1) What went well?
2) Why did it go well?
3) What can I do to keep it going well? (Note - this is the hardest thing to do?)
4) What did not go well?
5) Why did it not go well?
6) What can I do to improve it.

All the good things have things that can go better. All the bad things have things that could be worse. In just about everything, we have control over what happened and how we respond.

But - here is the most important thing to recognize: If a bad thing has happened, and you feel like you are not yourself, understand that this is normal. The good, the bad, and the ugly are all things that are not normal (we are almost always someplace in between). The normal response to an abnormal situation is to act abnormally.

I think that's the big point that most people fail to grasp. The sooner that people understand that it is normal to act abnormally in response to abnormal events, the more self-aware a person becomes, and the easier coping is.

I've learned this on the basis of many major failures in my life. But I've learned the hard way - through brutal introspection, to take to good with the bad, and the bad with the good.

I don't look for happiness. It's ironic that I stumbled on it and found it when I quit looking for it. But in hindsight, it makes perfect sense to me.

My wife is hotter than your wife.