Douva 0 #1 May 2, 2006 It's a spider. It lives in my office. I can't tell if it's a boy spider or a girl spider, but I've named it Ralph. It can jump. Earlier he was running around on my desk, jumping from item to item. Then he ran over to me like he wanted me to do something, but spiders are lousy communicators, so if he did want me to do something, I couldn't figure out what it was. Finally, he gave up on me, walked to the edge of the desk, and stood there like he was contemplating it. I started chanting, "Jump! Jump! Jump!" And then he did. He did this kick-ass dive off the desk, and right before he hit the ground, he stopped in mid-air. He'd left an invisible web trail behind him. It was like some James Bond/Mission Impossible shit! I half expected him to shoot another web over to the filing cabinet and swing over there like Spiderman, but instead he flipped over, did some crazy kicking thing with his legs, cut the web, fell to the ground, and ran off. I wonder if I fed him some radioactive waste and then let him bite me if I could do that.I don't have an M.D. or a law degree. I have bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swedishcelt 0 #2 May 2, 2006 With paragraph separations... you could be a darn skilled writer!! What an excellent visual. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
simplyputsi 0 #3 May 2, 2006 spiders enjoy base jumping too ya know.Skymama's #2 stalker - Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yardhippie 0 #4 May 2, 2006 Quotespiders enjoy base jumping too ya know. Chuck Norris can base jump without a rig. Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gawain 0 #5 May 2, 2006 What's up with these postings I see here-and-there about Chuck Norris...did I miss something?So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright 'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life Make light! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hobbes4star 0 #6 May 2, 2006 That is f*&king crazy, I have a spider that lives in the lamp above my kitchen table and I call him Ralph too. great minds think alikeif fun were easy it wouldn't be worth having, right? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Douva 0 #7 May 2, 2006 QuoteWith paragraph separations... you could be a darn skilled writer!! What an excellent visual. Honey, I AM a darn skilled writer. Paragraph separations would have killed the average joe/stream of consciousness tone of the post.I don't have an M.D. or a law degree. I have bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zipp0 1 #8 May 2, 2006 Quotespiders enjoy base jumping too ya know. Actually, he(the spider) was bungee jumping. Which Chuck Norris invented, by the way. Zipp0 -------------------------- Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the Earth down. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpinlow 0 #9 May 2, 2006 All I can say is WOW!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
simplyputsi 0 #10 May 2, 2006 QuoteQuotespiders enjoy base jumping too ya know. Actually, he(the spider) was bungee jumping. Which Chuck Norris invented, by the way. Zipp0 I think it was more a new breed of sport, a cross between base and bungee. Since his web really did not have any recoil it's not really bungee. However he did not fashion a little chute and deploy it, but in a way he sort of did. That spider is one bad motherfucker.Skymama's #2 stalker - Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lindercles 0 #11 May 2, 2006 Be careful next time you nod off at your desk. Wouldn't want to crush the poor bugger with your forehead. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #12 May 2, 2006 QuoteBe careful next time you nod off at your desk. Wouldn't want to crush the poor bugger with your forehead. He has buggers on his desk - I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wingnut 0 #13 May 2, 2006 QuoteWhat's up with these postings I see here-and-there about Chuck Norris...did I miss something if chuck norris lost his leg he could still round house kick you, but since he is chuck norris, he woulkd just grow a new one...... pretty much the joke is that chcuck norris is god and there is nothing better than chuck norris.... heck from sunshine;s sig line, even geico saved 15% when it switched to him... ______________________________________ "i have no reader's digest version" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #14 May 2, 2006 QuoteQuoteWhat's up with these postings I see here-and-there about Chuck Norris...did I miss something if chuck norris lost his leg he could still round house kick you, but since he is chuck norris, he woulkd just grow a new one...... pretty much the joke is that chcuck norris is god and there is nothing better than chuck norris.... heck from sunshine;s sig line, even geico saved 15% when it switched to him... The Rock could kick CN's ASS!I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
thegreekone 0 #15 May 2, 2006 QuoteWhat's up with these postings I see here-and-there about Chuck Norris...did I miss something? don't ask. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #16 May 2, 2006 Yah, me too. I have one hour left to get blackened salmon made along with steamed veggies, brown rice pilaf, and endive salad and cookies. _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gawain 0 #17 May 2, 2006 QuoteQuoteWhat's up with these postings I see here-and-there about Chuck Norris...did I miss something if chuck norris lost his leg he could still round house kick you, but since he is chuck norris, he woulkd just grow a new one...... pretty much the joke is that chcuck norris is god and there is nothing better than chuck norris.... heck from sunshine;s sig line, even geico saved 15% when it switched to him... Sh*t, I've been waiting for my leg to grow back. *sigh* I guess I'll just have to get use to these metal temporary ones. As per Geico, I think I killed that gecco in Iraq. He ain't savin' nobody! So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright 'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life Make light! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
