Corporate lessons

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Corporate Lesson 1:



A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is

finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The

wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs

downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,

the next door neighbor.



Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800

to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the

woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of

Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars

and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and

goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her

husband asks, "Who was that?"



"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.



"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about

the $800 he owes me?"



Moral of the story: If you share critical information

pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders

in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable

exposure.





Corporate Lesson 2:



A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and

crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling

the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.



The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest

removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand

slide up her leg again.



The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"



The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is

weak."



Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On

his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look

up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up,

you will find glory."



Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in

your job, you might miss a great opportunity.





Corporate Lesson 3:



A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager

are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil

lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want

to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a

care in the world."

Poof! She's gone.



"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be

in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal

masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the

love of my life.

" Poof! He's gone.



OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office

after lunch."



Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the

first say.





Corporate Lesson 4:



A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A

rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do

nothing all day long?"



The crow answered: "Sure, why not."



So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and

rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.



Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing,

you must be sitting very high up.





Corporate Lesson 5:



A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be

able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the

turkey, but I haven't got the energy."



"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied

the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."



The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it

gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of

the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung,

he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth

night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the

tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the

turkey out of the tree.



Moral of the story: Bullshìt might get you to the top,

but it won't keep you there.

[Thanatos340 1]

Corporate Policy Lesson #1:

Start with 5 monkeys locked in a cage.
Hang a banana from the roof on a string and place a set of stairs under it.
Before long the monkeys will go to the stairs and start to climb toward the banana.

As soon as the first monkey touches the stairs, hose the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while another monkey makes an attempt with the same result. All the other are sprayed with cold water.

Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and goes to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm!

Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.

Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water.

Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.

Why not?

Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here. And that, my friends, is how corporate policy begins.