Personal Statement

[karenmeal 0]

I can't write personal statements!!!! I've been procrastinating about writing this for weeks now.

It should be no more than 500 words and is an explanation of why I want to participate in an undergrad thesis program.

Here are my reasons:

The research sounds cool. It's research on aphasia.

I am trying to figure out if I want to do the master's degree w/ thesis option.

I might want to get my PhD someday and would like to check out the research arena.

It will help me get into a very competitive graduate program.


I hate writing bland essays.
Any help, advice, suggestions, or ridiculing?


-Karen

"Life is a temporary victory over the causes which induce death." - Sylvester Graham

[waltappel 1]

How about:

"I would love to tell you all about it, but the words just won't come...."

or

"I have always loved dating aphasic men 'cuz I don't have to tell them to STFU!"

Walt

[karenmeal 0]

I'm trying to work on a paragraph about the importance of research on aphasia. Baby boomers are starting to stroke out, and we need educated therapists to rehabilitate them.

But... considering the people who are accepting me into this program are most likely baby boomers.. I may need to write this in a delicate way.

Hmm..... Or should I be blunt?

"Life is a temporary victory over the causes which induce death." - Sylvester Graham

[lawrocket 3]

Quote

How about:

"I would love to tell you all about it, but the words just won't come...."

or

"I have always loved dating aphasic men 'cuz I don't have to tell them to STFU!"

Walt

Walt, you sick bastard!

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[Chrissay 0]

Wow, no less than 500 words. I just did mine for admissions into my MBA program, but it only had to be a paragraph. I mostly outlined my experience and why I felt the program would benefit me and how my experience would benefit the program as well.

[karenmeal 0]

It was no more than 500 words.

I guess that technically I could write a paragraph (which would be great) but I would like to have it about the same length as other applicants.

"Life is a temporary victory over the causes which induce death." - Sylvester Graham

[Chrissay 0]

Quote

It was no more than 500 words.

I guess that technically I could write a paragraph (which would be great) but I would like to have it about the same length as other applicants.

Oopsey, that's what i meant. My typing doesn't always work well with what I mean to say.

[waltappel 1]

Quote

I'm trying to work on a paragraph about the importance of research on aphasia. Baby boomers are starting to stroke out, and we need educated therapists to rehabilitate them.

But... considering the people who are accepting me into this program are most likely baby boomers.. I may need to write this in a delicate way.

Hmm..... Or should I be blunt?

I think you are well on your way to writing a really good one.

It's been well known for years now that the average age in this country is getting much older. We have a HUGE population of baby boomers who are not only approaching the years when their bodies tend to start having more frequent and more serious medical problems, but most have had to deal with the problems faced by their aging parents.

Research into geriatric issues has gained considerable priority over the past twenty years and it's not going to slow down anytime soon. There is no question that there is a serious need for research and not just in Alzheimers.

Walt

[PLFXpert 0]

Quote

It was no more than 500 words.

I guess that technically I could write a paragraph (which would be great) but I would like to have it about the same length as other applicants.

Why be like the rest? If you made your case effectively and in less words, you'd likely have a better chance of winning them over.

Sometimes people get lost in the length of things, when in all publications, it's all about shortening the article/feature/column, etc. to keep the reader's attention and make the points flow more smoothly and understandably.

I guarantee you with all the statements they're reading, they skim a bit through the ones that push the 500 mark even though 500 really isn't that many words.

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[lawrocket 3]

Now for some real advice:

My thought is that, considering what you've posted, you won't get accepted unless they really need any help they can get.

Quote

The research sounds cool. It's research on aphasia.

Research is rarely "cool." Results are, but the research is tedious. You sound unrealistic.

Quote

I am trying to figure out if I want to do the master's degree w/ thesis option.

Translation - I thought that this may help me figure out if I want to stick with my education or do something else because I'm at a cross-roads, and whether or not I like this will implicate my future decisions.

Quote

I might want to get my PhD someday and would like to check out the research arena.

Translation - I won't be there for the research. It's not about me answering the researcher's questions, it's about answering questions about myself.

Quote

It will help me get into a very competitive graduate program.

Translation - All I have to do is get accepted, and not get tossed off of this research team, and I'm a step closer.

---

Look, I'm not trying to be harsh here, but I see resumes and cover letters that are a freaking joke way too often. Personal statement? Um, don't make this "Personal Statement" a statement about you as a person.

They know they can help you with your future. What they DON'T know, and what you need to tell them, is how you can help them in this "Personal Statement."

The purpose of the personal statement is nothing short of marketing yourself for this job, right? What you've posted isn't very good marketing because you've failed to indicate any benefit you could provide for the reasearchers. In fact, you've failed to link anything whatsoever you could add to the research project. Nothing.

I had a friend who thought my music was cool, and he thought being in a band would be great for him. I agreed with him. Too bad he didn't tell me that he could play any instrument or even sing. Maybe I would have given him a chance. But since he had nothing to add, he had no gig.

I've already gotten the message that this is a stepping stone for you. Nobody likes to be stepped on. So, here's what you do:

Market yourself by stating what you can add to the project. Be honest with them by letting them know that you don't know exactly what you can add because you have yet to have the experiment/hypothesis/techniques, etc., explained to you.

Let them know what knowledge you do have of research techniques and how it might be useful to them. Let them know that you'd like exposure to new developments and studies. Despite what you learn, let them know what you think they can do for you. (By the way, putting it off for weeks isn't something great for a person who will do a research project.)

Obviously, the fact that this will help you in the future should be included. Don't skirt around the benefits it will serve you. They'll know, and honesty is important. Don't lie. But, let them knwo that you want in on this because you think that the research is worthwhile, you'd like to be a part of it, and you'd be willing to do anything they want you to do so that you can say you helped assisted in the making of final paper.

Market yourself to them. Link your strong points to how it can help them. And let them know that you can help them as much as they can help you.

Edited to add - do you know anyone who has suffered from aphasia - either transient or permanent? If not, it ain't that "personal." Baby boomers are stroking out more often? Yeah, they know that. Don't waste space telling them stuff they already know when you could be using those precious 500 words to tell them about you - whom they know nothing about.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[karenmeal 0]

I appreciate your advice.

However.. I wasn't trying to market myself to you all on here.

I do have good reasons for wanting to participate in this program.

In fact, I do know about the research that I would be involved with. I have been meeting with the lead researcher on aphasia at my school and have attending meetings with her group of researchers (other faculty, grad students... etc.) I will be able to conduct my own little part of a study. It is not going to be ground breaking research, but I will in fact be contributing. Frankly, I think that the research is really cool. Sure it will be tedious, but how freaking cool that I get to contribute to our understanding of how language is encoded into speech??

While I may not personally know anyone with aphasia, I do regularly watch the therapy sessions of 2 people that have had strokes and have a severe speech/language impairment. I've been observing their slow recovery, I've been able to witness some milestones and will be able to being work as a therapist in a year and a half. So pretty soon, it will become personal. These people will be my clients, and as I have observed, I expect to become their friends as well.

But anyways.. now that you may know a bit more about my good reasons.

I know that I will get my master's degree.. but there are 2 options, one with a thesis and one without. If you plan on getting your PhD, you are highly recommended to pursue the thesis option. Personally, I am considering a PhD.. but the masters w/ thesis option kinda scares me. I would like to get an in to see just how scary it is. But I am guessing that your suggestion would be to just not talk about this..

And I don't want to use this program as a stepping stone. I am honestly interested and want to do good work that I can be proud of.

Oh.. and about putting it off for weeks.. my application will still be a month early.

"Life is a temporary victory over the causes which induce death." - Sylvester Graham

[lawrocket 3]

Okay. So I was rather harsh, but I tend to be that way.

With that last post, it sounds like a good personal statement. You defended why you want to do it, the steps you have taken to prepare for the research, and your plans for the future.

Clean up that last post and you've got the makings of a great one! We all know where you are coming from!

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[karenmeal 0]

Well, I couldn't just let you go thinking, "stupid slacker..."

Because I'm not being one!!! I've got realy sincere reasons for wanting to do this. The main problem I have with the personal statement is that all of my real sincere reasons come out sounding like some generic canned BS. And they're really not. I participate in some research currently, just processing tons of video data, and while it's tedious, I think it's sooooo cool and after each day that I work on it I come home and blabber about it to my boyfriend, call my mom up and tell her how it's going... I can't imagine how cool it will be to read the finished product!

Anyways.. I don't think I'll have any trouble getting into the program, the part that scares me about the essay is that I turn it in and then a committee of faculty members gets to review it. That is just a little scary not being their to defend yourself.

"Life is a temporary victory over the causes which induce death." - Sylvester Graham

[lawrocket 3]

I don't think "stupid slacker." What I DO often see is people who don't know how to tailor to an audience.

Look at this resume thread. http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=1416325#1416325

I've got plenty of experience with writing and reading resumes. The usual problem faced is that people:1) don't know how to sell themselves; and 2) don't know how to sell anything to the prospective employer. It's tough for a lot of people to toot their own horns, and there are almost always problems with understanding what the prospective employer wants.

It's not stupid. It's not slacking. It's usally ignorance. And what you wrote in the other post was brilliant. That allows people to provide more insightful input.

My wife is hotter than your wife.