SpeedRacer 1 #1 April 28, 2006 A rich, lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life, so she placed a personal ad that read: RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS: 1. WON'T BEAT ME UP 2. WON'T RUN AWAY 3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications. Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?" "Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't run away." The woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?" To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?" Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
2fat2fly 0 #3 April 28, 2006 I don't get it because we all know that size doesn't matter......... Leave me alone, I like it here in my own little worldI am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shermanator 4 #4 April 28, 2006 QuoteI don't get it because we all know that size doesn't matter......... Leave me alone, I like it here in my own little world haha.. at work the other day we were discussing this, and asking question... now, lets look at this scenerio.. there is a man, He is packing, it.. like, hung like a friggin horse. but he can only last like 2 minutes. .. now, the other guy, he is average/a little smaller.. but he can last for hours. ... this being the case... is bigger still better? someone should make this a poll. that would be interesting... perhaps in the womens forum. My argument... iven if the tiny guy can last hours, .. if it just floats around in there, and the girl feels nothing,... guess in that case, the time does not make a difference either. right? thoughts? hmmm,CLICK HERE! new blog posted 9/21/08 CSA #720 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shermanator 4 #5 April 28, 2006 TrOLL!!! topic hijacker... there, i thought i would do it for you... all the post whores have more important posts to tend to than yell at me for thisCLICK HERE! new blog posted 9/21/08 CSA #720 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #6 April 28, 2006 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ROK 0 #7 April 28, 2006 Quote HA!!!! ROTFLMAO Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites SpeedRacer 1 #8 April 28, 2006 The Genie A husband and wife were out enjoying a round of golf and about to tee off on the third hole. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice. Her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window of a bar. Much to their chagrin, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what had happened. When they peeked inside the bar, they did not find anyone. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a gentleman sitting cross-legged on the counter with a turban on his head. The wife asked, "Pardon me, but do you work here?" "No, someone just hit a ball through that window, knocked over the vase you see there, and freed me from that hideous little bottle. I am so grateful," he answered, bowing his head toward them. The wife asked, "Are you a genie?" "Oh why yes, I am. In fact, I am so grateful, I will grant you two wishes. The third wish I will keep for myself," the man replied. The husband and wife agreed upon two wishes... one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year, forever. The genie nodded and said, "Done!" The genie now said, "For my wish I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years and after all, I have made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire." The husband and wife agreed, and she went off with the genie to a nearby room. After the genie and wife finished, the genie asked the wife if she minded if he asked her a few questions. "No, I don't mind," she replied. "How long have you been married?" She replied, "3 years." The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?" To which she responded, "31 years old." Then the genie asked, "So, how long has he believed in this genie stuff? Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites hottamaly 1 #9 April 28, 2006 Now tha'ts a good one! Skydiving gave me a reason to live I'm not afraid of what I'll miss when I die...I'm afraid of what I'll miss as I live Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites popsjumper 2 #10 May 19, 2006 Three top guys(Shrek, CSpenceFly, and Freeflir29) were lost on a jungle somewhere in Africa and were being chased by hungry, relentless cannibals ready to devour them. Shrek, the smart one, told the group "lets climb onto the trees and fool these idiots". And off they climbed onto the trees. The cannibals first stopped on the tree where Shrek was hiding from. They heard: "tweet tweet tweet" Disappointed, they went to the second tree where CSpenceFly was hiding from. They heard: "tweet tweet tweet" Hungry and dismayed for the 2nd time, they went to the tree where Freeflir29 was hiding. They heard: "Baaaaaaaaaa"My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites StreetScooby 5 #11 May 19, 2006 Thanks for the laugh! I needed one this morning, badly :)We are all engines of karma Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
ROK 0 #7 April 28, 2006 Quote HA!!!! ROTFLMAO Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #8 April 28, 2006 The Genie A husband and wife were out enjoying a round of golf and about to tee off on the third hole. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice. Her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window of a bar. Much to their chagrin, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what had happened. When they peeked inside the bar, they did not find anyone. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a gentleman sitting cross-legged on the counter with a turban on his head. The wife asked, "Pardon me, but do you work here?" "No, someone just hit a ball through that window, knocked over the vase you see there, and freed me from that hideous little bottle. I am so grateful," he answered, bowing his head toward them. The wife asked, "Are you a genie?" "Oh why yes, I am. In fact, I am so grateful, I will grant you two wishes. The third wish I will keep for myself," the man replied. The husband and wife agreed upon two wishes... one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year, forever. The genie nodded and said, "Done!" The genie now said, "For my wish I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years and after all, I have made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire." The husband and wife agreed, and she went off with the genie to a nearby room. After the genie and wife finished, the genie asked the wife if she minded if he asked her a few questions. "No, I don't mind," she replied. "How long have you been married?" She replied, "3 years." The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?" To which she responded, "31 years old." Then the genie asked, "So, how long has he believed in this genie stuff? Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hottamaly 1 #9 April 28, 2006 Now tha'ts a good one! Skydiving gave me a reason to live I'm not afraid of what I'll miss when I die...I'm afraid of what I'll miss as I live Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #10 May 19, 2006 Three top guys(Shrek, CSpenceFly, and Freeflir29) were lost on a jungle somewhere in Africa and were being chased by hungry, relentless cannibals ready to devour them. Shrek, the smart one, told the group "lets climb onto the trees and fool these idiots". And off they climbed onto the trees. The cannibals first stopped on the tree where Shrek was hiding from. They heard: "tweet tweet tweet" Disappointed, they went to the second tree where CSpenceFly was hiding from. They heard: "tweet tweet tweet" Hungry and dismayed for the 2nd time, they went to the tree where Freeflir29 was hiding. They heard: "Baaaaaaaaaa"My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
StreetScooby 5 #11 May 19, 2006 Thanks for the laugh! I needed one this morning, badly :)We are all engines of karma Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
