Broke 0 #1 May 24, 2006 I decided to start a new one here, so lets post your stupid jokes here. Why do chicken coups have two doors on them? Because if they had four doors they would be a chicken sedan.Divot your source for all things Hillbilly. Anvil Brother 84 SCR 14192 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
leapdog 0 #2 May 24, 2006 Three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the Gates of Heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter himself "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" asks St. Peter. The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children." The last guy replies. "I would like to hear them say.... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!! Gunnery Sergeant of Marines "I would like it if I were challenged mentally at my job and not feel like I'm mentally challenged." - Co-worker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #3 May 24, 2006 A couple of guys are out hunting one day in a remote area. As they were hunting, one of them gets bitten by a rattlesnake right on the penis. He collapses in pain. His buddy says, "Relax. I'm gonna call for some help." He pulls out his cellphone and dials 911, explaining to the dispatcher what is going on. His buddy is lookign worse by the second, with muscles convulsing, and he relays this to the dispatcher. The dispather tells him, "You need to take a knife and make two short cuts on either side of the bite and suck out the poison. Otherwise, he'll be dead before rescuers arrive." With that, he hangs up the phone. His buddy, straiining to make his words understandable, says, "Wha-What d-d-did they s-s-say?" To which the other man responds, "He said your going to die." My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #4 May 24, 2006 The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes The Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabi, look towards sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." "What that tell you?" asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto? Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabi, you dumb ass. It tell me someone stolen tent." My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DJL 235 #5 May 24, 2006 Why did the pony go (raspy-light voice) "neeiiigh...neeiigh". . . . . . . . . . She was a little horse."I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freefal 0 #6 May 24, 2006 What do hippies say when they run out of drugs? "Man, this music really sucks!" "Ignorance is bliss" and "Patience is a virtue"... So if you're stupid and don't mind waiting around for a while, I guess you can have a pretty good life! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sartre 0 #7 May 24, 2006 What do you call two blondes in a corner? An air pocket. What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes? An interpreter. I'm a blonde, by the way. Sorry if I offend anybody! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
adventurechick 0 #8 May 24, 2006 Quote What do hippies say when they run out of drugs? "Man, this music really sucks! Now that's funny PMS #449 TPM #80 Muff Brother #3860 SCR #14705 Dirty Sanchez #233 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #9 May 24, 2006 Hey did ya hear the one about the beatnik cannibal?? He ate three squares a day!! Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
caspar 0 #10 May 25, 2006 its not a stupid joke but my favorite... whats the similarity between a prawn and a woman? their heads are full of shit but the pink bits taste good. such a classic."When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bdbrown 0 #11 May 25, 2006 What did one lesbian frog say to the other.... Gee we do taste like chicken -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Royd 0 #12 May 25, 2006 I heard this one in the packing tent at Zhill last weekend. A Jew, a Catholic, a Protestant, a black guy, and an Irishman all walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KevinMcGuire 0 #13 May 25, 2006 A blond is sitting in a bus station reading a news paper who's head line reads, "5 Brazilian's killed in bus crash" She looks to the man sitting next to her and says, "excused me sir, but how many is a Brazilian Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
StreetScooby 5 #14 May 25, 2006 Quote Because if they had four doors they would be a chicken sedan. ROFLMAO!!! ---------------------------------------------------------- A little boy gets on the bus, and sits behind the bus driver. He says, "If my daddy was a daddy bear, and my mommy was a mommy bear, I'd be a baby bear" He then proceeds to go through a list of animals, saying the same thing each time. Finally, the annoyed bus driver asks him, "What would you be if your dad was a pimp, and your mother a whore?" He replies, "A bus driver" We are all engines of karma Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #15 May 25, 2006 Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? A: "That's not funny!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ccsayre 0 #16 May 25, 2006 Father and his 5 year old are walking thru the park and see 2 dogs humping. Little boy asks his dad, "what are those doggies doing"? Dad answers "they're making puppies son". Late that night the 5 year old wakes up and goes into his parents bebroom and they're goin at it missionary style. The 5 year old asks, "what are you doin"? Dad replies, "We're making babies son". The 5 year old says, "turn her over, I want puppies". Luck is Preparation meeting Opportunity Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stumpy 284 #17 May 25, 2006 With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Cokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started. Never try to eat more than you can lift Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydemon2 0 #18 May 25, 2006 STROKE VICTIMS Three senior ladies named Patsy, Betty, and Nellie were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation, when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat. Nellie immediately had a stroke. Then Betty also had a stroke. But Patsy, being older and feebler, couldn't reach that far. Bless her heart.Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone! I like to start my day off with a little Ray of Soulshine™!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freefal 0 #19 May 25, 2006 QuoteQ: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? A: "That's not funny!" Actually the answer I heard to that joke is very funny! Maybe you heard a different version though. "Ignorance is bliss" and "Patience is a virtue"... So if you're stupid and don't mind waiting around for a while, I guess you can have a pretty good life! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #20 May 25, 2006 One blonde, standing on the river bank, yells over to the blonde on the other bank; "How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde yells back; "You are on the other side!" Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #21 May 26, 2006 Quote Actually the answer I heard to that joke is very funny! Maybe you heard a different version though. Well, I've heard an X-rated version, too, but I wouldn't want to type it out here. It was pretty funny, too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
micro 0 #22 May 26, 2006 Quoteits not a stupid joke but my favorite... whats the similarity between a prawn and a woman? their heads are full of shit but the pink bits taste good. such a classic. bravo! lol!!!! I miss Lee. And JP. And Chris. And... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jtval 0 #23 May 26, 2006 ok this IS a stupid joke A man is waiting to get clearance to board his plane. the security guard/TSA person comes back and says I've got good news and bad. the passenger says gimme the good. Agent: you can board the plane passenger: whats the bad news? Agent: you've got an enlarged prostateMy photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
micro 0 #24 May 26, 2006 Quoteok this IS a stupid joke A man is waiting to get clearance to board his plane. the security guard/TSA person comes back and says I've got good news and bad. the passenger says gimme the good. Agent: you can board the plane passenger: whats the bad news? Agent: you've got an enlarged prostate ha! i like it! i'll tell it to my dad... he's a TSA supervisor at Sky Harbor... I miss Lee. And JP. And Chris. And... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites