Not sure how to handle this...Need some input

[OnYourBack 0]

"I feel like crap - like it's all my fault. "


No way. Its all her fault! She is the one with a problem and she stole from you. You were trying to help. Addicts have a way of making you feel like the bad guy. Believe me, your not.

[ImGunnaJump 0]

Well, I am surprised by your friend's anger at you because I thought since he was aware of her drug use and seemed to have taken a tough stand (he was insisting she work to pay her fines), and that he had made a moral judgment about her drug use and was prepared to back it up. His anger toward you says it's one of three things:

1) He doesn't really believe she has a problem - he
hasn't seen the light.
2) He knows she has a problem (I believe he does
or else why would he come to you and ask why
she came back shaking - he knows something
is up), but doesn't want to deal w/it for some
reason - maybe he's almost worn out w/her and
knows dealing w/this will signal the end of their
relationship, and he doesn't want to face that, so
at the moment it's easier to project his anger and
frustration on you.
3) He knows she has a legal problem but doesn't
care about the moral issue - maybe he doesn't
believe taking drugs is wrong; maybe he doesn't
care if she takes them as long as it doesn't cause
him any problems; maybe he's addicted to his
own drugs of choice (even if prescribed), and
doesn't want to draw attention to himself by
having to deal w/her.

It's a shame, no matter which of the 3 it is is, that he is choosing to dump on you rather than face up to the situation. You did the right thing, it wasn't easy - but you knew it wouldn't be. The only comfort you may be able to take out of this situation is that as their problems continue to escalate, which they are most likely to do, that you will be able to put your head on your pillow every night knowing you threw up a red flag.

Oh, and P.S. - NONE of this is your fault for God's sake. Keep reminding yourself of that. You're a good friend with cancer trying to step outside your problems to help them. Addicts are outrageous in their self-absorption.

"...I've learned that while the "needs" in life are important (food, water, shelter), it's the "wants" in life (ice cream, chocolate, sex) that make it worth the effort." Kbordson

[Muenkel 0]

My first concern after reading your post is did she leave you screwed out of enough meds for the month. I too am on pain meds and my doc keeps a close eye on how much I use so I don't become addicted. If someone stole some from me, I'd be in serious shit. It would probably mean another ambulance trip to the ER and the whole morphine routine.

You did the right thing, no question. As much as you value the friendship, stealing someone's meds is cruel and it had to be confronted. Let's hope she gets the help she needs and the friendship can continue.

Feel better,
Chris

_________________________________________
Chris

[StreetScooby 5]

Sounds like you had a good plan to let the problem play out, and it's playing out. I'm shocked the guy came back on you. If he's really a good friend, this will pass. Let it. Sounds like you know what you're doing. Let it be history, but not forgotten. Keep treating them the same way you always did, but keep this experience in the forefront of your mind.

We are all engines of karma

[RhondaLea 4]

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...like it's all my fault.

No. It isn't.

This is one of those "let no good deed go unpunished" scenarios. I'll just never understand how sometimes helping can create such a disaster for the person offering the help.

Your friend is angry with you because he can't deal with the situation--his need for denial is great, and anyone who has ever been in his shoes will understand why. But it doesn't excuse his behavior.

You haven't done anything wrong. Nothing.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[freefallfreak 0]

No Chris, I don't have enough to last. I'm missing 17 days of meds, but I can hang in there. Hell, I'm tough, lol. My friendship with her hubby should be strong enough. We've been close since the 3rd grade. That's a long time and he'll come around. Meanwhile, I'll just hang in there.
Thanks for your concern, man. It means a lot.

TripleF

"Upon seeing the shadow of a pigeon, one must resist the urge to look up."

[freefallfreak 0]

OMG.....The fabulous RL responded, lol.

He, He...yeah, he's not really angry with me. I honestly believe he's angry at himself for not seeing it before now. He's been through something similar to this stuff with her 3 times already and probably just doesn't want to have to face it again. They have been together for over 20 years and married for 17, so I can understand where his head is. I'm guessing it will be alright sooner or later. At least, I hope so.

Bless you, girl. You and jtval are my heros, among bunches of others here.

TripleF

"Upon seeing the shadow of a pigeon, one must resist the urge to look up."

[Muenkel 0]

I have a thought. I don't know how smart this is, but if you felt comfortable posting what type of medication it is; perhaps there are some folks here who have some extra of the same kind and can send them to you? I know when my mom had her breast surgery, she was given a script for Percocet that she never used.

Just a thought,
Chris

_________________________________________
Chris

[RhondaLea 4]

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Bless you, girl. You and jtval are my heros, among bunches of others here.

TripleF

Well...I think you've got the roles reversed, dude.
You're the hero in this picture, and the fact that you remain upbeat in the face of what has been piled upon you just brings tears to my eyes.

Sometimes--when I think of it (in my real life)--it even stops me from whining.

Take care of yourself. We need you.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[freefallfreak 0]

I'm not sure that would be very cool. I wouldn't want anyone trying to send me any cause it's a class 3 narcotic and probably unlawful (illegal is a sick bird) to send through the mail. I'm gonna call my doc and tell him that they got washed in the washing machine by mistake. If he doesn't have me committed, he'll renew the script. He's a pretty understanding dude.

TripleF

"Upon seeing the shadow of a pigeon, one must resist the urge to look up."

[Muenkel 0]

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Take care of yourself. We need you.

I'll 2nd that. And I'm sure Laurie, Lisa and many, many, many others would too.

Chris

_________________________________________
Chris

[lisamariewillbe 1]

Hey dont leave me out, I apologized for being a bitch and asked that he understand the pain, this was actually after I pmed sangiro and informed him that although I respected his opinion, I was not sorry and therefore wouldnt apologize.... but as the day wore on and I was starting to grasp the shannon thing I had a small bout of wow go say sorry and a few seconds of who did I think I was.... he refused to accept the apology... so I think I should be in the was a bitch but realized it but is one again but still really feels like she has no input club. I dont apologize unless I mean it and it meant alot that sangiro allowed me to make up my own mind.... It also showed alot that you turned it down.

but I took that apology back, now I am not sorry at all anymore as a matter of fact I cant imagine ever refusing an apology from someone and it just proves to me how much I respect the people I do care about. First time an apology has been refused.... and hell I have done worse in my life as all of you have. I think it is ruder then what I did, at least now I can say that I dont care and I am justified, where as the actions were not justified this morning. And damn it is nice to be bitching about something other then the death that surronds me right now. Really has me laughing my ass off. Funny how petty some things in life become once we learn perspective.... I DO love you Rhonda Lea, ..... and you dont post much and I hate why you have been posting because its for pain..... oh but back to the thread.

Its called look right , grab right , look left grab left.... make a decsion that you can stand behind, Everything I have done in my life, although not always right, I stand behind. Just as it saddens me that I wasted an apology on someone who did not care to recieve it but wanted to "be bitter" Ill admit my faults. Well sometimes.... but I dont want any more pms about me being mean to this person. And it is what it is. Oh but I am now confused because today I transistioned to being Lisa in some of the forums without complaining and I cant tell when its me Lisa or other Lisas, I think its time for a new name.....

Oh and its against the law to take others RXs ....

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[ImGunnaJump 0]

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You're the hero in this picture, and the fact that you remain upbeat in the face of what has been piled upon you just brings tears to my eyes.

I second, uh, third that emotion.!
...please do take care of yourself. If I lived in FL. I would gladly clean your house. I'm thinking maybe we have some people out there who'd be willing to help.

"...I've learned that while the "needs" in life are important (food, water, shelter), it's the "wants" in life (ice cream, chocolate, sex) that make it worth the effort." Kbordson

[freefallfreak 0]

Oh, it wasn't bitterness, Lisa. It was just a simple fact of putting things where they should be. You flamed me in a PUBLIC forum. The apology should have been done there also, unless you are ashamed fo what you did. I also told you that it wasn't accepted unless it was done in the same place. You couldn't accept that. I still hope that someday you find peace with yourself. I'd hate to go through life with so much bitterness and pain.

TripleF

[Muenkel 0]

The illegality didn't even occur to me. My brain is mush today for obvious reasons.

Whatever works with your doc. I have a hunch though that if you told him the real story, he would find it more believable.

Anyway, you know what you're doing.

Hope you find a new cleaning person soon.

Chris

_________________________________________
Chris

[CSpenceFLY 1]

Hold on a minute while I go find my shaking head and walks away icon.


.

[freefallfreak 0]

Yeah, I thought about that too and it's the best way to go. I've always believed that truth will set you free. It's always worked for me. So, that's what I'm gonna' do. We'll just have to let the chips fall where they fall.

TripleF

"Upon seeing the shadow of a pigeon, one must resist the urge to look up."

[jtval 0]

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Bless you, girl. You and jtval are my heros, among bunches of others here.

Really? Wow, I am honored to even be thought of.

personally, I think your friend is pissed at you b/c he knows he can be.

the third grade was some years ago and you've been through it all...well maybe not ALL but getting closer every day. sometimes, it easy to shit on the ones you love because you know that when you get your head together they will except your apology and life will go on as if nothing ever happened.

thats why they are called friends. You understand that your friend is going to have to deal with this situation. at the very heat of the moment he allowed his frustration to show by yelling at you. I can imagine that sometime after they left you he asked her the questions that were burnign his mind.

At some point in time he will realize that YOU did the right thing by ...well, by doing the right thing.


Let me just say "bravo, to you."

there are times when youre faces with soem shitty circumstances and this is where I believe Maturity and bravery is put to the test,

You knew the whole time what you had to do and you spoke with your "support group" at DZ.com to make sure the echo's you heard were the same echos your mind shouted. they were. so once you had confirmation, you acted.

Bravo on having the balls to ask us with YOUR problem so that you could help her with HER problem. IMO it shows that you are classy and compassionate.

Your friend will still be your friend as long as you don't stop trying to be the nice guy.

your friendship works b/c you are who you are. don't let a bad situation make you any less willing to show compassion. You can still be you and be proud that you are. not many people would have taken the HARD way.

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[jtval 0]

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The illegality didn't even occur to me. My brain is mush today for obvious reasons.
Chris

Chris,
Its not the "mushy" you have to worry about. It the "callused" Brain that really gets me worried

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[lisamariewillbe 1]

DZ.com went soft.... can this be moved to the womens forum, at least there its accepted to be mushy.... taking ones problems online does not make someone anything but a person who needs help , did something happen to where people who post something are heroes because they sought their dz.com friends. Oh wait everyone loves each other today alot so its all mushy and stuff. I am proud to have been me today, even if Im not perfect with grief, and not bullshit my way about love and like and mushy mushy, and Im glad I apologized and even more glad that it wasnt accepted. I dont often feel right but dammit maybe I need to give myself more credit...... up for a few days and dealing with a murder and death and I still had the manners to try to apologize. Im nicer then I thought ...... not much though

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[freefallfreak 0]

Thanks jt.
I really meant the part about the heros. There are so many people on here that I look up to, whether they are newbies or oldies. I learn so much from ya'll every time I log on here that it should be a required course in schools. I started reading your posts in earnest after DZDiva told me that you were a truly good guy a few years back. And she was right. BTW, if you hear from her tell her to call. I owe her a helmet. I just lost the address to send it to.

TripleF

"Upon seeing the shadow of a pigeon, one must resist the urge to look up."

[jtval 0]

I'm assuming you weren't replying to me.

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[jtval 0]

Yea, I have been an absent friend in the last few months.

Occasionally I call her but we have a hard time chatting due to time.

I'm sure she'll read this eventually so I jsut wanted to say "hi Laurie"

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[lisamariewillbe 1]

Probably not, you would have accepted an apology if it was heartfelt. Plus your not creepy so I would not have had to figure out so much of crap that just isnt important....It is important to laugh.... I am doing that.... I have not slept and I just dont care , I just find it funny the drama all because I posted once ..... but Im gonna go be strong and seek help and ask for eternal forgiveness from the skygods for speaking out of place and ...oh my gosh..... not being completley rationale all the time. Yipeee .... youd think I PAd him, jeesh .... Makes me want to.... you think I had with the guilt trips.... guess what others... I dont feel guilty. I feel blessed to be finally laughing after the horrific what 30 something hours....

We met at Dublin right Jtval?

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[Remster 30]

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I'm missing 17 days of meds,

Anything legal we can do to help?

Remster