Dumbest things you've done during sex

[inzite 0]

Hmmm, how should I open up this story, I wonder? Probably best to start at the beginning.

So a cute female friend of mine come back to my place to smoke hookah before heading out for a night on the town. Thick smoke wanders through the room, dimmed lights, Dave Matthews playing in the background. The mood was right, we're both relaxing on the bed, passing the hookah pipe back and forth, and things start to get more "erotic". 2 minutes later various articles of clothing are flying across the room. 15 minutes later we're just getting started in what's promising to be an all-night rodeo. Then suddenly - CRASH!!!!

The hookah hose was laying on the bedsheets, and with a few simple kicks of the legs it, along with the entire hookah contraption, red wine, smoking tobacco, and red hot coals comes spilling onto the linens! We both stare at each other and then continue what we were doing! I thought the hookah coals had already burned out. I thought wrong.

2 minutes later we're both quite startled by the unpleasant smell of burning 150 ct 50% cotton/50% polyester bed sheets. My partner in crime starts screaming - FIRE, FIRE, FIRE as I anxiously look around the room for something to pick up the coals with. By the time I've found an old rag, I return to see that Anna is picking up the coals by hand, and screaming "Ow, it's hot, it's hot!!!" She ends up screaming so loudly that my flatmates come bursting into the room thinking we're in serious trouble!

Lessons learned:

1) Place hookah further from bed when inviting females over.
2) Ensure the hookah has stopped burning before removing clothing.
3) If the hookah falls, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT 200$, and DO NOT IGNORE IT. Clean it up immediately.
4) By failing to follow lessons 1,2,and 3 above, you will forever more find it impossible to look your flatmates seriously in the eye.

And the most important rule of hookah-induced sex:

5) Install a door that locks!!!

[Andy_Copland 0]

It was oral sex, i was caught by my younger brother with my pants down. The funny part was he went into so much shock i dont think he quite knew what he saw (he was around 16). The girl i was with went so purple she just covered her face with her hands and looked down. Quick as a flash my trousers were up, it was almost instant. So my brothers standing around going "omg" and i said "Shhh Alastair, Anna's cats just died and shes a bit upset." He believed it and that anna was crying into my lap

1338

People aint made of nothin' but water and shit.

Until morale improves, the beatings will continue.

[warpedskydiver 0]

Except now your brother thinks everytime a woman is crying,is that what she needs to console her is a nice hard cock in her mouth
hey not a bad idea....

[Sockpuppet 0]

He He.

I was going at it with some bird. Lets say I was a little, nay totally bladdered. I mean not a little un co-ordinated just not in control of my body.

Its true alchohol doesnt make the little chap feel like playing. He stays at home and tends to throw his toys out the pram.

Oh course I tried to blame this on the girl (dont all blokes). So I stupidly said "this ain't working for me...got any porn?"

Bad Idea. Not becuase she got mad but even. Her flatmate at the time was the company seargent major of my TA unit. On the next training exercise he made me his "bitch" and had this nasty habit of leaving stuff at the top of large hill for me to collect.

Gr..

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Two of the three voices in my head agree with you. It might actually be unanimous but voice three only speaks Welsh.

[Brigitte36 0]

Sometimes I ask, "Is that all you've got????"

It just seems to be a mood breaker for some reason.

[warpedskydiver 0]

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Sometimes I ask, "Is that all you've got????"

It just seems to be a mood breaker for some reason.

Ever been to SDC?

[StreetScooby 5]

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"Shhh Alastair, Anna's cats just died and shes a bit upset."

Talk about fast thinking on you feet.

We are all engines of karma

[freeflir29 0]

Left it in..........

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Got drunk and had sex when we *knew* it was a poor choice of timing. We ended up with a double surprise 9 months later.

It was all good, we weren't being very careful because we wanted more kids, albeit not quite THAT soon .

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[Andy_Copland 0]

I woke up in a room once, there was a camera in the corner on a stand that i failed to notice and when i looked out the window i realised i was in the work place of my nan and grandad.

Damn stable girls

1338

People aint made of nothin' but water and shit.

Until morale improves, the beatings will continue.

[stitch 0]

Laughed.....

"No cookies for you"- GFD
"I don't think I like the sound of that" ~ MB65
Don't be a "Racer Hater"

[d_squared431 0]

Well without giving to many embarrassing details lets just say I had sap on my ass from a tree and couldn't get it all of for the better part of a week.

TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1
I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH
You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly

[freeflir29 0]

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I had sap on my ass from a tree and couldn't get it all of for the better part of a week.

That's funny..........I don't care who you are.

[dgskydive 0]

The dumbest thing I ever did was laugh at a face my ex wife was making while we where having sex.

Eyes all rolled back in her head and mouth open looked like she was having some sort of a seziure or something. I coudn't resist. It looked so damn funny.

She woudn't have sex face to face for a month after that!!!

Dom

[freeflir29 0]

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She woudn't have sex face to face for a month after that!!!

You say that like it's a bad thing.

[airtwardo 7]

...You mean alone or with someone?

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[inzite 0]

My reaction to that line would have to depend on the context...

For example, asking "is that all you've got?" upon seeing my 144-pack of Trojan ribbed condoms...

well, I'd consider that one a compliment

[inzite 0]

Why didn't you get anyone to lick it off???

Especially if it's maple flavored....

[Bolas 5]

Paid beforehand

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[Icon134 0]

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Paid beforehand

but that would be before... the topic says during...

or am I missing something...

Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife...

[Andy_Copland 0]

Paid more?

1338

People aint made of nothin' but water and shit.

Until morale improves, the beatings will continue.

[matt1215 0]

My girl called a few hours after I got my wisdom-teeth yanked and said she'd be over soon to cheer me up. Like an idiot, I took a percocet after talking to her. I discovered the hard way that pain-killers don't just kill pain .

[d_squared431 0]

I didn't realize I couldn't get it off with soap and water. If I would have know it wouldn't come off right away ... then I might have yet another dumb sex thing to post in this thread..

TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1
I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH
You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly

[FallingOsh 0]

This girl and I had been flirting all night and I eventually ended up back at her place. It had been a few days since my last experience so I had plenty of "built up frustration."

Long story short (so to speak), I was completely satisfied and half way to sleep... she didn't know we had started.

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Stay positive and love your life.

[wildWilly 0]

Laugh at the funny sounds she was maaking

Willy

growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.