Ashtanga 0 #1 July 12, 2006 (Brian Edwards boards a Greyhound bus. He sits next to a fat guy.) Fat Guy: Where are you going? Brian: New York. Fat Guy: New York? Wow. You really going to New York? Brian: Yeah. Fat Guy: New York City? Brian: Yeah. New York City. The Big Apple. Fat Guy: The Big Apple? Brian: It's just a nickname. Fat Guy: Your nickname is The Big Apple? Brian: No, New York City. Fat Guy: (pause) Your nickname is New York City? Brian: (giving up) Yes... yes, that's my nickname. Fat Guy: My nickname is Toby. (Brian nods but doesn't want to continue the conversation.) Fat Guy: My sister's nickname is Flipper. I don't know why. I think it's kind of weird. Flipper. She was Agnes when she left for college but when she got back she was Flipper. What do you think about that? Brian: Well, nothing. Nothing really. Fat Guy: Everybody in my family thinks it's weird. (Brian, uncomfortable, opens up a newspaper and looks at it.) Fat Guy: Did you read about that explosion? Brian: Uh, no... I'm just now starting to... Fat Guy: (pointing to the paper) There it is! That's the explosion story. You can read about it. It was a really big explosion. I saw about it on television. The people were saying that it was like a (he makes Boom! noise). Like it went (he makes Boom! noise again). Do you think that's a big explosion? Brian: It sounds like it. Id' say it was. Fat Guy: Yeah, I think it was too. (There is a long pause. Brian thinks conversation is over.) Fat Guy: (whistles to himself a little) I'm only going to Winston-Salem... good ole' Winston-Salem. That's where I'm going... Do you know why? Brian: (a little annoyed) Uh, why? Fat Guy: Because that's what my ticket says. (he laughs) That's a good joke, huh? Brian: Well... Fat Guy: I think it is. If I was ever gonna be a comedian, I'd say that joke. I'd say, "Hey, I was on a bus and I was going to Winston-Salem and I asked the guy next to me, 'Hey, do you know where I'm going?' And the guy said no. I said, 'I'm going to Winston-Salem' and then, 'Do you know why?' And the guy said no. And I said, 'Because that's what my ticket says.'" That's a good joke. That's the kind of joke you'd hear on TV, you know? That's good TV joke. (Brian desperately tries to ignore this man.) Fat Guy: I'm actually going to Winston-Salem for a funeral. Brian: I'm sorry. Fat Guy: Yeah, my grandfather died. He was 88. He had cancer. He died last night and the funeral is Friday. Brian: I'm sorry to hear that. Fat Guy: (pause) I loved him. Brian: (at a loss, but moved) That's a nice thing to say. Fat Guy: He was a very good grandfather. He was always nice to me and my sister. My daddy died when I was 9 and me and my sister lived with my grandfather for a while. Brian: In Winston-Salem? Fat Guy: Yes. And then I moved about eight years ago. (pause) Have you ever been to a funeral? Brian: Yes. I guess the most recent was my friend, David's. He was killed in a car accident two years ago on Christmas Eve. Fat Guy: That's sad. Brian: Yes. Fat Guy: I bet you miss him. Brian: Uh, yes. Yes I do. I try not to think about it that much, but I do miss him. (pause) He had just gotten his pilot's license about a week before. That's what he wanted to do. He wanted to be a pilot. It's weird, you know? All his life he wants to be a pilot and he finally becomes one and then... that's it, he's done. (pause) Yeah, I miss him. Fat Guy: I'm gonna miss my grandfather. Every night when we lived with him he would say, "I love you" to us. And we always had to say it to him. I remember one night he forgot and we all went to sleep. And I don't know what time it was, but he woke Agnes and me up in the middle of the night and said, "I'm sorry I forgot, but I love you two very much." And he was crying. And then we said we loved him too and he turned off the light and shut the door. We could hear him still crying. Brian: Well... I never really... you know with friends it's a little different. We love each other, but we don't say it. Fat Guy: My grandfather said you should always say it. Brian: (resistant to the obvious logic) Yeah... well... maybe... Bus Announcer: Next stop, Winston-Salem. Winston-Salem, ladies and gentlemen. We'll be stopping in about two minutes. (The Fat Guy begins gathering his stuff.) Brian: (awkwardly) Hey... (pause) (The Fat Guy waits for Brian to continue.) Brian: Uh, I liked what you said. That's important. That... saying you love people thing. So thanks. (pause) And I liked your joke... about the ticket. That was funny. Fat Guy: Oh, thanks. Bus Announcer: Winston-Salem, ladies and gentlemen! Brian: Take care. Fat Guy: (as he walks away) See you later, New York City. (He exits.) The End Written by Brian Regan www.brianregan.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkymonkeyONE 4 #2 July 12, 2006 That was fucking stupid, Nathan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
