Broke 0 #1 July 22, 2006 Allthough I did find this entertaining Quote Rant: My giant dick Date: 2006-06-17, 1:18PM PDT Where to begin? I hate my giant dick. I haven't always hated it, mind you, just for the last, oh, 17 years or so. I loved my dick when I was 13 and had a nice 7 inch tool. I'd put it through its paces regularly and just couldn't wait to share it with some of my female classmates. At 14 I was starting to get just a little concerned as I then had a 9 inch member. It was great, but I was hoping for no further growth. No such luck. By the time I was 16 or 17, the growth finally ended. Unfortunately, not before I had reached my freakish proportions. It's 12 inches long. It's about as big around as one of those tall cans of Coors Light (horrible beer, by the way). It doesn’t help that I’m a shower, not a grower. When flaccid it’s still 9 inches. In high school I picked up nicknames like cackyderm (creative), kickstand, and “the plunger.” I was smart, funny, athletic, and well liked, though, so the kidding was not mean spirited. I know that some awkward big dicked guys must go through much worse in high school. Now, I’m sure some guys are thinking that this doesn’t sound like a problem and they wouldn’t mind swinging a stick like this around. Trust me, it sucks. To understand what it’s like to live with a giant dick you have to throw out everything you know about normal life. I love sports and athletic activities. Unfortunately, my dick loves this too and celebrates by flopping around like a frog on a frying pan. An extra large heavy-duty athletic supporter is an absolute must. Go without, and I could end up with a black eye. Of course, by the time I get everything stuffed into the supporter I look like I’ve crammed a grapefruit down my shorts in case I need a snack at half time. If the supporter fails, my dick will fly out of there like the spring snakes in one of those novelty cans of mixed nuts. I hope there aren’t any kids watching the game. I really enjoy swimming, but water + swim trunks = cling = gasps. My next house will have a pool and a tall fence. How about non-athletic activities like, say, walking down the street? First off, boxers are out. No one wants to see that coming toward them. Even briefs only do a marginal job of keeping everything from swinging around. All new clothes must be tried on to see if they pass my dick visibility test (DVT). Jeans fail. Many slacks fail. Most shorts fail. Need to sit on the toilet? Hold on to snakey or he’s going swimming. Fine, but it’s gotta rock in the sack, right? Wrong. Don’t get me wrong, it gets hard as a rock and stays that way, but finding someone able to work with it has been difficult. I’m a nice, attractive, and successful guy so I have met a lot of women who wanted to get down with me. That is, until they see my dick. My first time was when I was 18 with a friend’s older sister (23). The look on her face when she saw it erect was one of surprise, incredulity, and fear. To her credit, she was willing to give it a go, but it would only go so far. Guys, you know how great it feels to pound away “balls deep”? I don’t. I have yet to find a woman who can take it all. A lot of women have simply said, “Forget it” once they see it. Last month I met a really nice woman who followed me back to my place from a Belltown bar. We got close and it was getting hot until ol’ dicky came out. The look on her face was one of actual horror (you know, eyes bulged, hand over a gaping mouth). Without saying a word, she bolted up, grabbed her clothes, and was out the door. You’d think it had five dragon heads at the end (it doesn’t, by the way). How about a nice blowjob? Maybe if there were a bunch of female versions of Steve Tyler out there I’d actually be able to get one. That leaves few options. I’ve gotten very good at going down and handjobs are about all that works with most ladies. Given the crap shoot of reactions from new partners, masturbation has been my best option overall. I know things could be worse. I’m 6’2” and 220 pounds, so at least it doesn’t look like an actual third leg like it would if I were 5’1”. It’s also not bent, doesn’t just get to half mast, or have any of the other physical problems a dick can have. But it’s a damn hassle every day. I’d give my left nut to give up 4 inches and some girth. To those guys who wish they had a massive dick instead of their average or below average one, I say enjoy what you have. Things could be worse: your wish could come true. * this is in or around My pants * no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Divot your source for all things Hillbilly. Anvil Brother 84 SCR 14192 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
micro 0 #2 July 22, 2006 you posted that just for me, huh. thank you. I miss Lee. And JP. And Chris. And... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LisaH 0 #3 July 22, 2006 WOW...got pics? Be yourself! MooOOooOoo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matt1215 0 #4 July 22, 2006 He's right, there's such a thing as too big . I for one am perfectly content to drive a small car . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
micro 0 #5 July 22, 2006 QuoteHe's right, there's such a thing as too big . I for one am perfectly content to drive a small car . Amen, brother! And my wife is happy riding that small car! I miss Lee. And JP. And Chris. And... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matt1215 0 #6 July 22, 2006 LOL!! I meant that in the context of not having anything to compensate for. 6'3", 175, size-13 shoes ... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
psipike02 0 #7 July 22, 2006 QuoteLOL!! I meant that in the context of not having anything to compensate for. 6'3", 175, size-13 shoes ... Try 6'5, 235, and size 16 shoes....yeah...Puttin' some stank on it. ----Hellfish #707---- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matt1215 0 #8 July 22, 2006 Nice!! You have to custom-order shoes? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hookitt 1 #9 July 22, 2006 QuoteQuoteHe's right, there's such a thing as too big . I for one am perfectly content to drive a small car . Amen, brother! And my wife is happy riding that small car! You're wife rides with matt1215? That's very progressive of you 2 as a couple.My grammar sometimes resembles that of magnetic refrigerator poetry... Ghetto Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matt1215 0 #10 July 22, 2006 QuoteQuoteQuoteHe's right, there's such a thing as too big . I for one am perfectly content to drive a small car . Amen, brother! And my wife is happy riding that small car! You're wife rides with matt1215? That's very progressive of you 2 as a couple. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #11 July 22, 2006 ok... what's with the heights, and shoe sizes?Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matt1215 0 #12 July 22, 2006 Being larger than average in one aspect often translates to being larger than average in others . ...I take a look at my enormous penis And my troubles start a-meltin' away... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #13 July 22, 2006 QuoteBeing larger than average in one aspect often translates to being larger than average in others . ...I take a look at my enormous penis And my troubles start a-meltin' away...mmm... da vinci's notebook, and... oh... I'm thinking I'm probably not doing myself a service by admitting that I'm 5' 7.5" tall and wear a size 8 shoe... no wonder I can't get a date... Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
micro 0 #14 July 22, 2006 QuoteQuoteQuoteHe's right, there's such a thing as too big . I for one am perfectly content to drive a small car . Amen, brother! And my wife is happy riding that small car! You're wife rides with matt1215? That's very progressive of you 2 as a couple. why thank you! and here most people think we're just stuck-in-the-mud catholics... I miss Lee. And JP. And Chris. And... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
micro 0 #15 July 22, 2006 QuoteBeing larger than average in one aspect often translates to being larger than average in others . ...I take a look at my enormous penis And my troubles start a-meltin' away... I'm 6'1" and wear a size 12 shoe... maybe I've just been comparin myself to black men all my life. maybe i'm not so micro after all. I miss Lee. And JP. And Chris. And... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matt1215 0 #16 July 22, 2006 Yeah, what I've heard of their stuff's pretty funny. Probably not doing much for yourself there . On the upside, I bet you can find most styles of any shoe at any given store. I often order online simply b/c stores don't have my size. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matt1215 0 #17 July 22, 2006 QuoteQuoteBeing larger than average in one aspect often translates to being larger than average in others . ...I take a look at my enormous penis And my troubles start a-meltin' away... I'm 6'1" and wear a size 12 shoe... maybe I've just been comparin myself to black men all my life. maybe i'm not so micro after all. Yeah, don't do that. If it makes the wife happy, it's all good . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
micro 0 #18 July 22, 2006 QuoteQuoteQuoteBeing larger than average in one aspect often translates to being larger than average in others . ...I take a look at my enormous penis And my troubles start a-meltin' away... I'm 6'1" and wear a size 12 shoe... maybe I've just been comparin myself to black men all my life. maybe i'm not so micro after all. Yeah, don't do that. If it makes the wife happy, it's all good . damned skippy! if she's happy, we're ALL happy! I miss Lee. And JP. And Chris. And... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #19 July 22, 2006 QuoteYeah, what I've heard of their stuff's pretty funny. Yeah, probably not doing much for yourself there . On the upside, I bet you can find most styles of any shoe at any given store tho. I often order online simply b/c stores don't have my size in what I want.I've got a couple of their albums... (well you can hear that song on the 3 June 2006 jump vid on my website... and actually you might be suprised... unfortunately I also have wide feet (I wear an 8 EE) I usually have to special order shoes... Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matt1215 0 #20 July 22, 2006 Well, hopefully wide feet transfers to other areas . Apparently big feet are more common in dudes younger than I (post 1977), so 13's are easier to find than they used to be I've seen the vid my friend, love the part when the 4-way falls thru the cloud . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #21 July 22, 2006 QuoteWell, hopefully wide feet transfers to other areas . Apparently big feet are more common in dudes younger than I (post 1977), so 13's are easier to find than they used to be I've seen the vid my friend, love the part when the 4-way falls thru the cloud .yeah... I just wish they hadn't been falling so fast... cause I would have liked to be closer... and I always tell the ladies that I'm only 3"... but some women like it that wide... Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matt1215 0 #22 July 22, 2006 Quote and I always tell the ladies that I'm only 3"... but some women like it that wide... Some women like to be split like/with a block of wood . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladydyver 0 #23 July 22, 2006 Wow...never heard anyone bitch about that one before.DPH # 2 "I am not sure what you are suppose to do with that, but I don't think it is suppose to flop around like that." ~Skootz~ I have a strong regard for the rules.......doc! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
psipike02 0 #24 July 22, 2006 QuoteNice!! You have to custom-order shoes? For the most part....basically...although some stores and online sites are getting better at having them For the first time the other day, i went bowling w/ some friends and they went up to a size 20!! I've never had bowling shoes that actually fit before...Puttin' some stank on it. ----Hellfish #707---- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #25 July 22, 2006 ...talkin' about shoes...shouldn't that be in the Women's Forum? My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
