How Small Does a Raise Have to Be To Make You Laugh?

[NWFlyer 2]

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Iz OK---I think you're funny, Krisanne.

Now if only I can figure out a way to make a living at that.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[PLFXpert 0]

I hear "Last Comic Standing" is coming to a town near you.

I definitely think you're funnier than the palsy guy.

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[NWFlyer 2]

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I hear "Last Comic Standing" is coming to a town near you.

I definitely think you're funnier than the palsy guy.

Yeah, but I'm very much not "stand-up comic" funny. I'm funny when I write. I'm funny in conversations. I'm witty.

That doesn't play so well with an audience full of people looking for the punch line.

[PLFXpert 0]

I'm the same way.

Sarcasm is a terrible thing to waste.

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[Amazon 7]

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Let's say you get an annual review at work and your boss goes on and on about how great a job you've been doing, how wonderful all the feedback is, and how your clients and team leaders LOVE you. You have exceeded expectations in every way and dealt wtih some challenging situations and dealt with them well. Your employer is not only solvent, but performing well.

Then your boss gives you the percentage of your annual salary increase.

Gee I think you must have been listening into my review meetings with my boss at Microsoft...after 6 years of working there I left making less than when I started.... my raises did not add up.. over those 6 years.... to what I lost when they moved me to day shift and took away my 10% shift differential.....

And the VP I talked to was wondering WHY I left?????

[Gawain 0]

Anything less than the rate of inflation. I did that once too, laugh out loud, followed by, "You have to be kidding me! Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining."

I then took myself to the Director and explained all. My raise was revised upward, by a notable margin.

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[NWFlyer 2]

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I then took myself to the Director and explained all. My raise was revised upward, by a notable margin.

Yeah, knowing the higher higher-ups that would be an exercise in futility. I have other plans in the works.

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[Slappie 9]

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I then took myself to the Director and explained all. My raise was revised upward, by a notable margin.

Yeah, knowing the higher higher-ups that would be an exercise in futility. I have other plans in the works.

Good luck! I'm stuck in dead end hell...

"Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them."

[stoneycase 0]

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I then took myself to the Director and explained all. My raise was revised upward, by a notable margin.

Yeah, knowing the higher higher-ups that would be an exercise in futility. I have other plans in the works.

Good luck with that. Although I am younger, I can certainly relate. Now that it's been about 5 years since I've graduated, I can look back at two different salaried positions and see the differences in the raises/promotions/bonuses. In my experiences, unless you are in Sales/Commission/Upper Mgmt, 4-6% is fairly standard and occassionally the 2-3% shows up. It's rare when something higher than 7-8% shows up as a straight-salaried employee.

The problem, IMHO, is that the employer expects the employee be happy with single digit percent increases year, after year, after year while the costs of basic goods and services increases by a far greater rate. They wonder why some of their 'best' employees start showing up later and later 2/3/4yrs in and taking more unscheduled leave time. Then they get pissed when that same employe shows up with an offer from another company that is 10/15/20% higher than his/her currently salary. Give me break, my only allegiance is to myself - there isn't a company on this planet I wouldn't leave for more money/better position somewhere else.

My last review, I received a great promotion, that I thought would come along with a healthy salary increase (my guess was 10% or more). I was going from a junior analyst position to analyst level II and yet I received a 4.5% increase. To make matters worse, the group I work in performed above and beyond expectations and we actually brought in more revenue through tasks/projects/contracts than last year. Yet somehow, in addition to this measly 4.5% they saw fit to provide me the same *exact* bonus as they did last year, when I was a jr analyst, and when our group wasn't doing so hot. My question to the Director at that point was, "So this year, when we don't do well, I can expect a lot less for the bonus, right, since this is the same as last year even though we did far better?" His face said it all, and I'm sure mine did too. Meeting over.

/sorry for the rant, the review was last month...and it was supposed to be 'the raise' to get me back in the air, i.e. give me some extra $$ to get back into skydiving. needless to say, i'm pursuing alternate activities to earn $ to get me back in the air now.

Does whisky count as beer? - Homer
There's no justice like angry mob justice. - Skinner
Be careful. There's a limited future in low pulls - JohnMitchell

[DrewEckhardt 0]

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About 10 years ago, I was still working hourly at a Manufacturing plant. Got a VERY small Raise that was just enough to bump me up to the next tax bracket. Net result was a about a $20 a week reduction in pay. I went back to HR and told them to PLEASE take thier raise back. I couldnt afford it.

In the US raises don't increase the income tax you owe on the money you're already earning. You'd have gotten your money back as a tax refund.

Or kept it in your pocket if you went through the trouble of figuring out what you'd owe in taxes, rounding up on the exemptions on your W4, and witholding extra so it came out right.

Things don't get ugly until you cross thresholds for education tax credits, participating in programs like the Roth IRA, etc.

[dbattman 0]

I wouldn't know- I don't sit through reviews anymore.

[yamtx73 0]

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Hypothetical question ...

Let's say you get an annual review at work and your boss goes on and on about how great a job you've been doing, how wonderful all the feedback is, and how your clients and team leaders LOVE you. You have exceeded expectations in every way and dealt wtih some challenging situations and dealt with them well. Your employer is not only solvent, but performing well.

Then your boss gives you the percentage of your annual salary increase.

What number would be small enough that you would laugh out loud?

So far the raises I've gotten weren't big enough to laugh at... in fact when I was given the last one I told my boss not to insult me...

The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers...

[Deuce 1]

It really depends on the total value of your compensation package. If you've got great health benefits, dental and orthodontic, some fearsome 401K donation match, then if your employer's cost of your benefit package went up 10% and you just got a 2% raise, that's not so bad.

Sorry, I did personnel (see I can spell it right) for a while. The way things are currently going with health care costs, folks that can keep their current benefits and their current wages aren't doing too bad.

Of course if you can eat shit as a cop for 13 years, break your feet and be forcibly retired, you will get a tax free retirement and a COLA forever and health care forever too. And your spouse gets all that when you die. Yeah! Die!

But then again you have to beat people up a lot and get spit on. On the plus side you get to blow up cars and meet interesting people with amazing names.

[kelel01 1]

Maybe he gives you low raises because you make nice girls cry.

[yamtx73 0]

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Maybe he gives you low raises because you make nice girls cry.

We don't have any nice girls in the shop to make cry... don't have any bad ones either...
so that's not it...

The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers...

[kelpdiver 2]

if the company is doing well, the 2% raise won't make me laugh, but I will start talking to others.

But I've been at companies with 10% cuts across the board, and seen contract conversion offers that could be 30-40% cuts in real pay (20ish when benefits are factored).

Former clients like Wells Fargo who don't keep their promises and bluntly say - good luck finding something in this market - as soon as opportunity comes, see ya. Some employers got too cocky in the last 5 years after the tech bust and don't believe there will be another boom. They'll suffer when all the live weight moves on.

[skycat 0]

Heck this year is the 1st year I saw a raise above 2% since the tech bust. From what I can tell 1.5-2% is becoming the norm.

What is sad is health care increases more than wages every year so technically there are people in a lot of companies that actually get a pay cut every year. I think that is why I'm seeing a trend in people moving companies every 2 years.

BTW...after 7 years with shit for raises and being told to suck it up that is the way it is...I quit and gave myself a nice fat raise by getting a new job with cheaper health care and the same in match in 401K. I think I loose a little in bonuses, but in the end I'm still way ahead.

Fly it like you stole it!