jceman 1 #1 July 29, 2006 Or A stupid question deserves an appropriate answer.... I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital. I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door. Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money. Why do they call it "Tourist Season" if we can't shoot them? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swedishcelt 0 #2 July 29, 2006 You're strangely sick man. I hope you're in line with me the next time I am bored in a store. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #3 July 29, 2006 Get to your basket. (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bbarnhouse 0 #4 July 29, 2006 "Attention Wal-Mart shoppers! Blue light special...diet food...isle 3." Bwahhhhhh I can't believe you did that Jack! LOL classic! LOL Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #5 July 29, 2006 that was very very funnyYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #6 July 29, 2006 "Here's your Sign!" Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #7 July 29, 2006 Thanks for the laugh. You have no clue how much I needed one right now.Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paige 0 #8 July 29, 2006 That is one of the funniest stories I've heard. Why can't all lines be filled with people that clever? Great story.Tunnel Pink Mafia Delegate www.TunnelPinkMafia.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #9 July 29, 2006 Because most men, send their women out to do the shopping (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paige 0 #10 July 29, 2006 QuoteBecause most men, send their women out to do the shopping Surely there are just as many clever women out there After all, if we left the shopping and cooking to most men, ewwwwwww! Tunnel Pink Mafia Delegate www.TunnelPinkMafia.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #11 July 29, 2006 Oh... you misundestand me....... I'll get my coat. (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #12 July 29, 2006 Actually, some old people eat canned dog food to save money though. Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFKING 4 #13 July 29, 2006 That is too good. QuoteOr A stupid question deserves an appropriate answer.... I had just gotten off student status, and stopped by the grocery store on my way home from the DZ. The checkout guy looked at my skydiving t-shirt, and my grass-stained jeans, and asked "Do you jump?" I said, "Yes." He said, "How many jumps have you done?" I said, "About 35." He then asked "Do you enjoy it?" I thought for a second and said "No, not really. But a lot of my golfer friends started jumping, and now the only time I see them is when I visit them at the dropzone. I like riding in the plane with them, but every once in a while about 4 or 5 of them will jump me, pin me down, then strap a parachute on my back and throw me out of the plane." He had this horrified look on his face, until the checkout girl in the next aisle and the guy behind me busted out laughing. Don"When in doubt I whip it out, I got me a rock-and-roll band. It's a free-for-all." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #14 July 29, 2006 Jack, you're priceless. Thanks for the laugh, and the great idea. It might be interesting next time I've piled the cat food and litter up. You're so cool. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stumpy 284 #15 July 29, 2006 Genius - i would think of that response in the car on the way home Never try to eat more than you can lift Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ImGunnaJump 0 #16 July 29, 2006 QuoteQuoteYou're strangely sick man. I hope you're in line with me the next time I am bored in a store. ...and if you're not next to her, I hope you're next to me!"...I've learned that while the "needs" in life are important (food, water, shelter), it's the "wants" in life (ice cream, chocolate, sex) that make it worth the effort." Kbordson Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
