waltappel 1 #1 August 9, 2006 Sorry if this is a repost. Walt Quote For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. Men are like.... 1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you. 2. Men are like.Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like ......Weather . Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like .......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like ....Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say. 7. Men are like Department Stores . Their clothes are always 1/2 off. 8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature. 9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10. Men are like .Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. 12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright. 13. Men are like Parking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lindercles 0 #2 August 9, 2006 QuoteMen are like Parking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped. That's just WRONG! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 897 #3 August 9, 2006 my fav was always: "Men are like floors...lay them right the first time and you can walk on them forever" women! hmpf! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelel01 1 #4 August 9, 2006 I think 1, 4, and 6 are the ones with which I most closely identify. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #5 August 9, 2006 Quote Men are like.... Dear Walt, You have insulted the the male race and have lost your guy priveledges for two weeks. Please go to your nearest sports bar and hand in your guy card, and apply the following to your daily life. You must now go buy 4 boxes of kotex, that should be enough to help you make it through the next two weeks. You must also go shopping twice a day 4 days a week for the duration of your suspension. You must also go get a pedicure, manicure, and have your hair done. You may not watch sports. You must watch 3 hours of drama TV(Soap Operas, HGTV, Lifetime, or any Melrose Place rerun is acceptable) You are not allowed to scratch your balls. You are not allowed to scratch your ass. You may not shit in the tub. You must wear something silky to bed at night. You must shave your arm pits and legs. You will be reviewed on compliance with the above mentioned in one week, at which time, if the conditions have been met satisfactorily, partial priveledges may be reinstated. Thank You, The ManagementI'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JENNR8R 0 #6 August 9, 2006 I think a Dr. Phil marathon would be good for the TV portion. What do you call a beautiful, sunny day that comes after two cloudy, rainy ones? -- Monday. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #7 August 9, 2006 QuoteI think a Dr. Phil marathon would be good for the TV portion. I'll pass it on to the management, and we will drink beer on the subject. In the past the Guy Card Management would not review the mattin in length because it required watching Oprah, and this we wouldn't wish on anyone, not even Bin Laden.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydivermom 0 #8 August 9, 2006 Turtlespeed, That's not torture enough. Tell him he has to watch Dr. Phil everyday, and he must read at least 3 of his books! That should learn himMrs. WaltAppel All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumper03 0 #9 August 9, 2006 QuoteI think 1, 4, and 6 are the ones with which I most closely identify. maybe you shouldn't be so intimidating then.... Scars remind us that the past is real Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #10 August 9, 2006 I heard a woman in an office grumbling about her computer. She said, it had to be a 'male' computer. When you want it up... it's down! Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #11 August 9, 2006 QuoteTurtlespeed, That's not torture enough. Tell him he has to watch Dr. Phil everyday, and he must read at least 3 of his books! That should learn him You underestimate the severity of not being able to scratch.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydivermom 0 #12 August 9, 2006 ***You underestimate the severity of not being able to scratch. __________________________________________________ So I guess that's another reason to say men are dogs!Mrs. WaltAppel All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveStMarys 0 #13 August 9, 2006 After seeing "the light"...are you over yourself yet? Seems like it. Done huggin' the trees? BobbiA miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydivermom 0 #14 August 9, 2006 That is hilarious! Although I'm not sure most men would have a problem getting up if a woman wanted him too.Mrs. WaltAppel All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kenz 0 #15 August 9, 2006 LOVE it - definitely made me laugh my ass off - you're always good for weird quirky shit (figuratively AND literally)"life does throw curveballs sometimes but it doesn't mean we shouldn't still swing for the homerun" ~ me Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #16 August 9, 2006 QuoteAfter seeing "the light"...are you over yourself yet? Seems like it. Done huggin' the trees? Bobbi Hugging trees has nothing whatsoever with . . . Wait you mean that if you care about the environment and animals that you can't scratch your balls?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveStMarys 0 #17 August 9, 2006 Oooh you can scratch your balls, just not with a tree limb. BobbiA miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #18 August 9, 2006 No shitting in the tub?!!! Man, that's cold. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #19 August 9, 2006 QuoteThat is hilarious! Although I'm not sure most men would have a problem getting up if a woman wanted him too. _______________________________ Men, are sooo easy... in 'that' way! Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #20 August 9, 2006 QuoteOooh you can scratch your balls, just not with a tree limb. Bobbi But how are you supposed to . . . ummm nevermind.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #21 August 9, 2006 QuoteI think a Dr. Phil marathon would be good for the TV portion. That would fall into the category of "cruel and unusual punishment". A Dr. Phil marathon would be downright inhuman!!!! Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #22 August 9, 2006 QuoteQuoteI think a Dr. Phil marathon would be good for the TV portion. That would fall into the category of "cruel and unusual punishment". A Dr. Phil marathon would be downright inhuman!!!! Walt We agree. However, if the guy card is not turned in in the next 24 hours, we will have Martha Stewart visit your house, along with Rikki Lake, at which time you must sit through 4 hours of lecture on the importance of the proper color of jelly to serve with lamb.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #23 August 9, 2006 QuoteQuoteQuoteI think a Dr. Phil marathon would be good for the TV portion. That would fall into the category of "cruel and unusual punishment". A Dr. Phil marathon would be downright inhuman!!!! Walt We agree. However, if the guy card is not turned in in the next 24 hours, we will have Martha Stewart visit your house, along with Rikki Lake, at which time you must sit through 4 hours of lecture on the importance of the proper color of jelly to serve with lamb. Fuck. My guy card is hereby surrendered. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
squarecanopy 0 #24 August 9, 2006 Walt, you retard!!! You are supposed to be on our side! Just burning a hole in the sky..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #25 August 9, 2006 QuoteWalt, you retard!!! You are supposed to be on our side! Screw you--when it comes to the ladies, it's every man for himself!!!! Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
