kelel01 1 #1 September 25, 2006 THIS is classic! All the descriptions at the bottom are SPOT ON. I forgot about making sure we had dates for the football games, and wearing red and black dresses. Quote HOW MANY SEC STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB? At VANDERBILT: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard. At GEORGIA: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one to phone an engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions. At FLORIDA: it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one. At ALABAMA: it takes five, one to change it, two to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator and one to throw the other old bulb at Fulmer. At OLE MISS: it takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion. At LSU: it takes seven, and each one gets credit for five semester hours. At KENTUCKY: it takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season. At TENNESSEE: it takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama. At MISSISSIPPI STATE: it takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS". At AUBURN: it takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished. At SOUTH CAROLINA: it takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team. At ARKANSAS: None. There is no electricity in Arkansas. Planning for the Fall Football Season Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip to the South, here are some helpful hints. Women's Accessories NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket. SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for. Stadium Size NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people. SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people. Fathers NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath. SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference. Campus Decor NORTH: Statues of founding fathers. SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners. Homecoming Queen NORTH: Also a physics major. SOUTH: Also Miss America. Heroes NORTH: Rudy Giuliani SOUTH: Bear Bryant, Archie, Eli and Peyton Manning, Bo Jackson Getting Tickets NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets. SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets. Monday Classes After a Saturday Game NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have to prepare for classes on Monday. SOUTH: Teachers cancel Monday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class. Parking NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking. SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday. Game Day NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV. SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus. Tailgating NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down. SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon. Getting to the Stadium NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in. SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city. Concessions NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda. SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon. The Smell in the Air After the First Score NORTH: Nothing changes. SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon. Commentary (Male) NORTH: "Nice play." SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs." Commentary (Female) NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport." SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch tackle him and break his legs." Announcers NORTH: Neutral and paid. SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team. After the Game NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends. SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game. Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories ofSouthern football! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tri160 1 #2 September 25, 2006 GODDAMN RIGHT!!!!!!! Kelly GOOOO GATORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #3 September 25, 2006 Where have you been all my life??? "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelel01 1 #4 September 25, 2006 Sadly, I can't say I've been at SEC football games . . . at least not recently. I miss them so much! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lauraliscious 0 #5 September 25, 2006 Dear lord, my 1st football season in the South.... Where I can't even find the results of my #1 Buckeyes vs. #2 Texas game on the news (let alone on the TV at the restaraunt with only digital cable and no local channels) due to excessive replays of the Auburn game. Someone shoot me, I hate SEC football. Enemiga Rodriguez, PMS #369, OrFun #25, Team Dirty Sanchez #116, Pelt Head #29, Muff #4091 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #6 September 25, 2006 QuoteAt AUBURN: it takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished. WAR DAMN EAGLE!! Good times, good times... you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #7 September 25, 2006 QuoteQuoteAt AUBURN: it takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished. WAR DAMN EAGLE!! Good times, good times... Until we break your thumb off... "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #8 September 25, 2006 Yeah, but there's nothing like being in Death Valley on game day. Geaux Tigers!She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pullhigh 0 #9 September 26, 2006 And I thought Skymama was the perfect woman.... Ganja "How bout dem Cocks!" Rodriguez Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jceman 1 #10 September 26, 2006 QuoteYeah, but there's nothing like being in Death Valley on game day. Geaux Tigers! Yep. Almost as nice as being in the lovliest village on the plain. War Damn Eagle! Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money. Why do they call it "Tourist Season" if we can't shoot them? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lindsey 0 #11 September 26, 2006 QuoteQuoteYeah, but there's nothing like being in Death Valley on game day. Geaux Tigers! Yep. Almost as nice as being in the lovliest village on the plain. War Damn Eagle! War Damn Eagle phooey.... (linz thumbs her nose toward Alabama) WHOO PIG SOOIEEEEE!!!!! :) linz-- A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #12 September 26, 2006 QuoteQuoteQuoteWar Damn Eagle phooey.... (linz thumbs her nose toward Alabama) WHOO PIG SOOIEEEEE!!!!! :) linz You pigs are lucky we were using a true freshman kicker... Even then, he's a good kicker, everybody can have a "John Vaughn" game... See last year's Auburn-LSU game."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Lindsey 0 #13 September 26, 2006 Bless your heart.... linz-- A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites PLFXpert 0 #14 September 26, 2006 QuoteAt FLORIDA: it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one. I went to Florida. And it's a great school, with great academics, athletics and programs and... Heeh. Heeh. Hee. Heeh. He....I guess that's kinda true.Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Lindsey 0 #15 September 26, 2006 QuoteQuoteAt FLORIDA: it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one. I went to Florida. And it's a great school, with great academics, athletics and programs and... Heeh. Heeh. Hee. Heeh. He....I guess that's kinda true. I did my first 2 years at UF too!!! :) Yes. I agree with you completely. Even in '86....it was so very true. linz-- A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites BillyVance 35 #16 September 26, 2006 QuoteBless your heart.... linz It's amazing at how much Alabama controlled that game. They really had the crowd shut down late in the 4th quarter... If Alabama would just go for the damn jugular in the red zone instead of playing it safe... well you get the idea... Mustain is gonna be a great one, just give him time... But then again, so will John Parker Wilson..."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Lindsey 0 #17 September 26, 2006 QuoteQuoteBless your heart.... linz It's amazing at how much Alabama controlled that game. They really had the crowd shut down late in the 4th quarter... If Alabama would just go for the damn jugular in the red zone instead of playing it safe... well you get the idea... Mustain is gonna be a great one, just give him time... But then again, so will John Parker Wilson... lol...I don't know what you're even talking about. I haven't watched a football game in so long. If my mom didn't call me in her excitement I wouldn't even have known the outcome. Since my young'un wants to go, we ARE going to a game in 3 weeks. I'll let ya' know how it goes. :) Whoo Pig Sooiee! linz-- A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites PLFXpert 0 #18 September 26, 2006 QuoteI did my first 2 years at UF too!!! :) Yes. I agree with you completely. Even in '86....it was so very true. When I was there, just a few years ago, there was a gigantic marijuna plant found growing in a hidden corner area of the science building. There was an article in the Alligator about it and the author concluded a bird must have dropped a seed there on its flight.Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kelpdiver 2 #19 September 27, 2006 missing the line about the typical AL baseball game scoring more points. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0 Go To Topic Listing
Lindsey 0 #13 September 26, 2006 Bless your heart.... linz-- A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #14 September 26, 2006 QuoteAt FLORIDA: it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one. I went to Florida. And it's a great school, with great academics, athletics and programs and... Heeh. Heeh. Hee. Heeh. He....I guess that's kinda true.Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lindsey 0 #15 September 26, 2006 QuoteQuoteAt FLORIDA: it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one. I went to Florida. And it's a great school, with great academics, athletics and programs and... Heeh. Heeh. Hee. Heeh. He....I guess that's kinda true. I did my first 2 years at UF too!!! :) Yes. I agree with you completely. Even in '86....it was so very true. linz-- A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #16 September 26, 2006 QuoteBless your heart.... linz It's amazing at how much Alabama controlled that game. They really had the crowd shut down late in the 4th quarter... If Alabama would just go for the damn jugular in the red zone instead of playing it safe... well you get the idea... Mustain is gonna be a great one, just give him time... But then again, so will John Parker Wilson..."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lindsey 0 #17 September 26, 2006 QuoteQuoteBless your heart.... linz It's amazing at how much Alabama controlled that game. They really had the crowd shut down late in the 4th quarter... If Alabama would just go for the damn jugular in the red zone instead of playing it safe... well you get the idea... Mustain is gonna be a great one, just give him time... But then again, so will John Parker Wilson... lol...I don't know what you're even talking about. I haven't watched a football game in so long. If my mom didn't call me in her excitement I wouldn't even have known the outcome. Since my young'un wants to go, we ARE going to a game in 3 weeks. I'll let ya' know how it goes. :) Whoo Pig Sooiee! linz-- A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #18 September 26, 2006 QuoteI did my first 2 years at UF too!!! :) Yes. I agree with you completely. Even in '86....it was so very true. When I was there, just a few years ago, there was a gigantic marijuna plant found growing in a hidden corner area of the science building. There was an article in the Alligator about it and the author concluded a bird must have dropped a seed there on its flight.Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelpdiver 2 #19 September 27, 2006 missing the line about the typical AL baseball game scoring more points. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
