A few funny Quickies

[Darius11 12]

Quickie #1
One day, a husband came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very
sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went fishing.


Quickie #2
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the
house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain
stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."


Quickie #3
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
other is a husband.


Quickie #4
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First,
of course, he h ad to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card
with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."


Quickie #5
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell
you all something. We have a case of Gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back "I'm so tired of chardonnay."


Quickie #6
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her
husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're
cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more
butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to
STICK! Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt
them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I
don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when
I'm driving."

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain