Buckeyes Forfeit Championship To Avoid Facing Mighty SEC

[Slappie 9]

This is a true story!

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Buckeyes Forfeit Championship To Avoid Facing Mighty SEC


COLUMBUS, OH--The BCS title game is still a month away, but it looks like the Florida Gators have already won. That’s because the Ohio State Buckeyes, the number one team in the nation, have unexpectedly forfeited the game in order to avoid facing the wrath of the mighty SEC, the toughest conference in all of college football.

“As you all know, the Florida Gators hail from the Southeastern Conference, a powerhouse conference that is the toughest, grittiest, and most talented in all the nation,” said Buckeyes coach Jim Tressel. “As good as we are, we’re not stupid enough to put ourselves in the potentially embarrassing situation of having to face the SEC champion. We’re a good team, but the SEC plays on a whole different level as the rest of the nation. In fact, I’d like to someday be an SEC coach, though I probably wouldn’t cut the mustard because SEC coaches are hard-nosed warriors and I’m kind of a dork.”

Tressel also pointed out that Florida spent its season playing against other SEC opponents while Ohio State played against teams from the inferior Big 10 conference.

“We’ve never seen a team like Florida before,” said Tressel. “We have not had a taste of SEC football at all. The best team we’ve played this year is Michigan, and those guys are from the Big 10, which is like the SEC Jr. Florida, on other hand, has played Alabama, Tennessee, LSU, and Georgia. Read that list again. You think we could have handled all those teams? Not likely. And I don’t even want to think what an SEC defense would do to our poor little Troy Smith. Bye bye Heisman, hello full body cast. No thanks. We’ll skip the game and live to suck another day.”

Upon hearing the news of Ohio State’s forfeit, members of the Florida Gators were outraged. The Gators were looking forward to the opportunity to face the Buckeyes on national television and give them a little taste of a good old fashioned SEC-style butt kicking.

“We wanted a shot at these guys and now they’re backing down,” said head coach Urban Meyer. “It’s not fair. We worked so hard to play and defeat the number one team in the country. Never mind how sloppy we played against Arkansas. Arkansas is an SEC opponent, a super team like us. Those games are wars of attrition. Just getting out alive is an accomplishment. That’s why we were looking forward to a nice, relaxing, breezy victory against a non-SEC opponent. Can’t we at least play Michigan? Please? Come on, we promise not to run up the score. We’ll put our backups in as soon as we hit 65 points.”

Unfortunately for Meyer, the decision has already been made. A message on the front page of the Ohio State Buckeyes web site read “Congratulations to the Florida Gators on winning the 2006 NCAA National Championship.” Even quarterback Troy Smith has given up on the championship and started focusing on the upcoming NFL draft.

“The team has made their decision and we just have to go along with that,” said Smith as he was cleaning out his locker at Ohio State. “Of course, we all would have liked the opportunity to play for the title, but clearly the best team has prevailed, and frankly, we saved ourselves some embarrassment and probably some pretty serious injuries. I am entering the NFL draft this year and the last thing I need is for scouts to see me throwing interceptions and being sacked and openly weeping while those SEC defenders stand over me flexing their muscles. It’s better to quit now and let them think I can actually play.”

According to NCAA rules, there is no rule prohibiting a team from forfeiting a title game. Now the NCAA is faced with a decision: find a replacement team to play Florida or cancel the title game altogether.

“It’s technically legal for a team to forfeit this game, but it’s never actually happened before,” said NCAA president Myles Brand. “So it’s up to us to find a solution to this problem. We could use the opportunity to allow a more deserving team to play for the championship. How about Florida versus LSU or Florida versus Auburn? How about Florida versus Vanderbilt? Kentucky? You put Kentucky in the Big 10 and they’re probably finishing at 11-1. Actually, forget all that. Why don’t we just have Florida, the SEC champ, take the field on January 8th and just stand there and let the crowd get a look at what true awesomeness is all about? That could backfire, though, if the fans get intimidated and run for their lives.”

"Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them."

[AggieDave 6]

When you copied and pasted, you left out the copywrite information:

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Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[Lindercles 0]

So much for loyalty, I guess.

[Slappie 9]

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When you copied and pasted, you left out the copywrite information:

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Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

What are you a copyright holder? Or some kinda cop or something?

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So much for loyalty, I guess.

Oh come now, sarcasm is something to be enjoyed. I just thought it was a fitting article since all the SEC fan boys are jumping on the Florida bandwagon. What a flippin joke ya ask me.

"Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them."

[Lindercles 0]

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Oh come now, sarcasm is something to be enjoyed. I just thought it was a fitting article since all the SEC fan boys are jumping on the Florida bandwagon. What a flippin joke ya ask me.

Sarwhatsm? Whatcasm? What is this "sarcasm" you speak of?

[2fat2fly 0]

As much as I enjoy the sentiment-I wish that the SEC champs were a little more consistant and not as banged up as Florida is. I don't think that the SEC as a whole put their best foot forward, but it's still the toughest total confrerence. I don't think that the Gators are going to fare too well.

I am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried

[jarrodh 0]

I do think the Gators will fare well. Do I think the Gators are going to win?....probably not but I think if we play our best ball then I think the Gators have a better shot than anyone else at upsetting the Buckeyes.

In my opinion it is similar to the situation in last years Title Game where Texas was a heavy underdog against USC who had a Heisman player and a great all around team as well.

Damn I wish that article was real!

2 BITS....4 BITS....6 BITS....A DOLLAR!....ALL FOR THE GATORS....STAND UP AND HOLLER!!!!

[Zipp0 1]

Those idiots at ESPN talk up the SEC so much, it makes me sick. A guaranteed win each week if you pick opposite of Lee Corso.

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Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the Earth down.

[AggieDave 6]

HA! Just pointing out the "sacasm" statement more then anything, just for those out there that have no clue.

If it would have been written not about a SEC team but a Big 12 team, then I could have believed it.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[Slappie 9]

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HA! Just pointing out the "sacasm" statement more then anything, just for those out there that have no clue.

If it would have been written not about a SEC team but a Big 12 team, then I could have believed it.

GO BIG 12!!

As for those who wouldn't have "gotten it" would have been 95% of the SEC fan boys. They wouldn't have had the intelligence to read the entire article and get to the bottom. They would have latched onto the headline and ran with it!

Hell! I'm sure it's headline news in at least 4 cities at the moment.



Speaking of that, remember that article The Onion wrote that made it to headline news of some "reputable" agency? That was pretty funny.

"Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them."

[AggieDave 6]

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Speaking of that, remember that article The Onion wrote that made it to headline news of some "reputable" agency? That was pretty funny.

Which time?

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[divnswoop 0]

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A guaranteed win each week if you pick opposite of Lee Corso.

I hope he picks Florida to win. That way he can keep his perfect record he has picking the outcome of the Buckeye/ whoever....... He is currently 0 for 3....and he heard about it when my friends and I caught him walking to the horseshoe in the 3rd quarter of the Michigan game!