happythoughts 0 #1 December 14, 2006 Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle." The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "These are Carol's." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mostly_Harmless 0 #2 December 14, 2006 This happened on a flight getting ready to depart for New Orleans, Louisiana. Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was a wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear. "What's the matter?" Jack asked. "I've been transferred to New Orleans, there's crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs and the highest crime rate." Jack replied, "I've lived in New Orleans all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a nice school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world." The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?" "Me?" said Jack. "I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."_________________________________________ www.myspace.com/termvelocity Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
