Frenchy68 0 #1 January 4, 2007 Welcome!Thanks to my skygod given ability, and my many travels, I am, finally, able to enlighten you grasshoppers about the art of safe swooping! To all of you with 100 something jumps, who start their sentences with "I am not swooping yet, as I am a newbie, but am learning the conservative way blahblahblah..."... FEAR NO MORE! Because right now, live from Munich Airport Senator lounge comes................FREEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCHHHHHHY (I know, just one "y", but I'm lazy tonight). Anyway... To swoop safely, follow the following steps: 1/ wear AT LEAST 15 to 20 one lbs lead piece around your belt. Need to be easily disposable. 2/ when spotting out of the door, remove one of the lead piece, and drop it. See what happens. If you see an explosion 1,000ft below, or if you hear some weird sound, beware! Go to 2/ If not, do to 3/ 2/ Since you heard or swa something weird, drop another weight. Repeat until the weirdness goes away, or the plane lands, or the alcohol wears off. Whichever comes first. Or cheaper. 3/ You are now out of the aircraft, slowly heading towards terminal velocity. Do not panick. Recite War and Peace twice, then check your altimeter. If the arrow does not move, chances are you ain't either. Sucks, but that's life. Or death, in this case. That'll teach you going through War and Peace while in free fall... Anyway... 4/ Once you've pulled the cool round thingie in the bottom of the gay backpack, and the sheet came up above your head, it finally hits you...: "OMG, I gotta land that fucker"! Do not panick! 5/ Make sure the airspace below you is clean. To do so, drop one of your lead weight. Drop 2 for safety. Drop a 3rd one, just to make sure, as I know some fuckers who get killed by dropping lead weights, but won't say anything because they're too proud! Fuck 'em. Damn, thrown one more on them to teach them!!! 6/ If the lead weight comes back up your ass, beware, it means you're in the Southern Hemisphere. Things tend to fall up. I hate it. Ask Tonto, who's been walking funny since he started dropping lead weights! Silly Tonto! Anyway... If you dropped a lead weight, and you are still walking normally, good for you. As a rule of thimbs, what applies to bullets applies to lead weights. If you can hear the lead weight falling you're alive. If you can't, you're dead. Therefore, do not listen to lead weights (or bullets), unless you want to die. Unlikely, but my lawyer asked me to type the above just to masure. Whatever. Anyway... 7/ Now you've landed. You don't even know it, but you have. Well, not sure about you, but I have. Fuck you. Throw any pieces of lead left towards any of them gay paraskydivingchitisting people (especially the ones wearing bright colors and wearing prop cameras on their helmets). It'll teach them a lesson. The repeat, until you reach 210 jumps! I rock! "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #2 January 4, 2007 Kewl... Goggle Boy is Drunk Posting... Copied in case he decides to delete this Quote Welcome! Thanks to my skygod given ability, and my many travels, I am, finally, able to enlighten you grasshoppers about the art of safe swooping! To all of you with 100 something jumps, who start their sentences with "I am not swooping yet, as I am a newbie, but am learning the conservative way blahblahblah..."... FEAR NO MORE! Because right now, live from Munich Airport Senator lounge comes................FREEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCHHHHHHY (I know, just one "y", but I'm lazy tonight). Anyway... To swoop safely, follow the following steps: 1/ wear AT LEAST 15 to 20 one lbs lead piece around your belt. Need to be easily disposable. 2/ when spotting out of the door, remove one of the lead piece, and drop it. See what happens. If you see an explosion 1,000ft below, or if you hear some weird sound, beware! Go to 2/ If not, do to 3/ 2/ Since you heard or swa something weird, drop another weight. Repeat until the weirdness goes away, or the plane lands, or the alcohol wears off. Whichever comes first. Or cheaper. 3/ You are now out of the aircraft, slowly heading towards terminal velocity. Do not panick. Recite War and Peace twice, then check your altimeter. If the arrow does not move, chances are you ain't either. Sucks, but that's life. Or death, in this case. That'll teach you going through War and Peace while in free fall... Anyway... 4/ Once you've pulled the cool round thingie in the bottom of the gay backpack, and the sheet came up above your head, it finally hits you...: "OMG, I gotta land that fucker"! Do not panick! 5/ Make sure the airspace below you is clean. To do so, drop one of your lead weight. Drop 2 for safety. Drop a 3rd one, just to make sure, as I know some fuckers who get killed by dropping lead weights, but won't say anything because they're too proud! Fuck 'em. Damn, thrown one more on them to teach them!!! 6/ If the lead weight comes back up your ass, beware, it means you're in the Southern Hemisphere. Things tend to fall up. I hate it. Ask Tonto, who's been walking funny since he started dropping lead weights! Silly Tonto! Anyway... If you dropped a lead weight, and you are still walking normally, good for you. As a rule of thimbs, what applies to bullets applies to lead weights. If you can hear the lead weight falling you're alive. If you can't, you're dead. Therefore, do not listen to lead weights (or bullets), unless you want to die. Unlikely, but my lawyer asked me to type the above just to masure. Whatever. Anyway... 7/ Now you've landed. You don't even know it, but you have. Well, not sure about you, but I have. Fuck you. Throw any pieces of lead left towards any of them gay paraskydivingchitisting people (especially the ones wearing bright colors and wearing prop cameras on their helmets). It'll teach them a lesson. The repeat, until you reach 210 jumps! I rock! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
guppie01 0 #3 January 4, 2007 I'm not worthy I'm not worthy g"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?" Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU OMG, is she okay? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisamariewillbe 1 #4 January 4, 2007 This explains the mushy message.... Frenchy dipping into the gutter water again Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bazelos 0 #5 January 4, 2007 QuoteWelcome!Thanks to my skygod given ability, and my many travels, I am, finally, able to enlighten you grasshoppers about the art of safe swooping! To all of you with 100 something jumps, who start their sentences with "I am not swooping yet, as I am a newbie, but am learning the conservative way blahblahblah..."... FEAR NO MORE! Because right now, live from Munich Airport Senator lounge comes................FREEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCHHHHHHY (I know, just one "y", but I'm lazy tonight). Anyway... To swoop safely, follow the following steps: 1/ wear AT LEAST 15 to 20 one lbs lead piece around your belt. Need to be easily disposable. 2/ when spotting out of the door, remove one of the lead piece, and drop it. See what happens. If you see an explosion 1,000ft below, or if you hear some weird sound, beware! Go to 2/ If not, do to 3/ 2/ Since you heard or swa something weird, drop another weight. Repeat until the weirdness goes away, or the plane lands, or the alcohol wears off. Whichever comes first. Or cheaper. 3/ You are now out of the aircraft, slowly heading towards terminal velocity. Do not panick. Recite War and Peace twice, then check your altimeter. If the arrow does not move, chances are you ain't either. Sucks, but that's life. Or death, in this case. That'll teach you going through War and Peace while in free fall... Anyway... 4/ Once you've pulled the cool round thingie in the bottom of the gay backpack, and the sheet came up above your head, it finally hits you...: "OMG, I gotta land that fucker"! Do not panick! 5/ Make sure the airspace below you is clean. To do so, drop one of your lead weight. Drop 2 for safety. Drop a 3rd one, just to make sure, as I know some fuckers who get killed by dropping lead weights, but won't say anything because they're too proud! Fuck 'em. Damn, thrown one more on them to teach them!!! 6/ If the lead weight comes back up your ass, beware, it means you're in the Southern Hemisphere. Things tend to fall up. I hate it. Ask Tonto, who's been walking funny since he started dropping lead weights! Silly Tonto! Anyway... If you dropped a lead weight, and you are still walking normally, good for you. As a rule of thimbs, what applies to bullets applies to lead weights. If you can hear the lead weight falling you're alive. If you can't, you're dead. Therefore, do not listen to lead weights (or bullets), unless you want to die. Unlikely, but my lawyer asked me to type the above just to masure. Whatever. Anyway... 7/ Now you've landed. You don't even know it, but you have. Well, not sure about you, but I have. Fuck you. Throw any pieces of lead left towards any of them gay paraskydivingchitisting people (especially the ones wearing bright colors and wearing prop cameras on their helmets). It'll teach them a lesson. The repeat, until you reach 210 jumps! I rock! Well, all the cool kids are doing it, I copied it too. I am cool yet?He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livendive 8 #6 January 4, 2007 I just wanted to say thank you for the great advice, Nick. You've taught me so much over the years. Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SBS 0 #7 January 5, 2007 WTF was THAT?!?!?!? Anyway...went to your tailor lady and the booth number you gave me only had chicks clothes in it and they said they could only make overcoats for guys. So we went downstairs where my friend had bought stuff before and got a suit with vest, sport coat, and 2 shirts for 1950. Seemed reasonable. Call me when you get home and are semi recovered from the trip. -S_____________ I'm not conceited...I'm just realistic about my awesomeness... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #8 January 5, 2007 HOORAY!! Finally some decent advice on the topic! Where do I get some lead weights? ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #9 January 5, 2007 Wow, that was even better instruction than watching Point Break. Thanks, Frenchy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Broke 0 #10 January 5, 2007 Quote Well, all the cool kids are doing it, I copied it too. I am cool yet? if you have to ask Divot your source for all things Hillbilly. Anvil Brother 84 SCR 14192 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
Broke 0 #10 January 5, 2007 Quote Well, all the cool kids are doing it, I copied it too. I am cool yet? if you have to ask Divot your source for all things Hillbilly. Anvil Brother 84 SCR 14192 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
