ACMESkydiver 0 #1 March 9, 2007 ? Do you see a lot of this, too, or is it just around here? I guess I don't get it... I'm not saying NOT to do it; I just don't understand it? I've got MANY friends now that live here, and their spouse lives somewhere else (I'm not talking like deployed to Iraq or something, I mean they just live in Texas...or Washington DC...or Norway...or North Carolina...) Some are military, but many aren't. Even the military ones, it's not that they are deployed; they just LIVE on post in another state. Wife and kids live back here. Husband lives here, wife and kids move to norway 4-7 months every year. I've never questioned any of my friend's directly. It's their lives...but I don't understand it. Is this the new marriage ideal? -'It's too much of a hassle to move'...'it's good money'. 'The kids get to see their dad a few times a year, it works out'. 'he drives me crazy when he's home, it's better that he's gone for a few months'. I know most married peeps kinda like hanging out with their spouse...it's why they got hitched. I guess I did ask one friend, "Couldn't he get another job?" She said 'Yeah, but it's good money.' To each their own...it just seems sorta weird that you'd have gone to the trouble to accumulate a spouse and maybe the 2.5 kids, house, cars, blah blah blah...but it's kind of just an illusion because you HAVE the stuff, but you don't LIVE the life? I think they're missing out on some cool stuff that happens daily! stuff. ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
karenmeal 0 #2 March 9, 2007 I don't get it either. One of my professors at school just moved to Maryland, but her husband is staying here. Is work really that important? "Life is a temporary victory over the causes which induce death." - Sylvester Graham Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #3 March 9, 2007 QuoteI don't get it either. One of my professors at school just moved to Maryland, but her husband is staying here. Is work really that important? Seems strange that so many people would move to the same city as their boyfriend/girlfriend...stay up until 3am hanging out with them to go to work the next day at 5am...do all this while dating to be with them, but then not live together when they get married... I'd get lonely without Joe around to play with. ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuperGirl 0 #4 March 9, 2007 depending on what you do, it might not be as easy to find jobs in the same place immediately. These people don't wish to live in separate locations, they only do it for a limited amount of time, since their long term goal is obviously to move in together, but it is simply not as easy to achieve as one might think. think about it... if your hubby had a hot shot job in town A, and you had your hot shot job in town B, would you just leave your job instantly to move in with the SO and become a housewife for who knows how long? sometimes it takes a year or even a few years to find employment in the same area without totally compromising your career. moreover, quitting your job before actually finding a new one might ruin your career on the long term... what if it takes a year or two to actually find a new job? being unemployed all that time looks bad on your cv. karenmeal's example is an excellent one. for a couple of professors it is quite difficult to find jobs in the same place *at the same time*. in academia the ultimate goal is to get a tenure-track position and eventually get tenured so that you have the luxury of life-long job stability. what usually happens is person X gets such a position, then tries to get the partner to get a similar position at the same institution (or another one located nearby), but tenure-track positions aren't out there all the time. Maybe you need to wait for someone to retire, or the department to get extra funding, or who knows what. While searching for a job in the same town, X's partner stays employed elsewhere in order to still be a desirable candidate once the opportunity arises. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #5 March 9, 2007 QuoteThese people don't wish to live in separate locations, they only do it for a limited amount of time, since their long term goal is obviously to move in together, but it is simply not as easy to achieve as one might think. I guess it depends on your idea of 'limited'. Some of the people I mentioned do this all the time. It is not 'limited'. My friend packs up the kids and leaves the country for months on end every year. It's just what she does. Like I said; it's her deal, I don't get involved...but when she comes crying to me about marriage problems...eegad. Quotethink about it... if your hubby had a hot shot job in town A, and you had your hot shot job in town B, would you just leave your job instantly to move in with the SO and become a housewife for who knows how long? Hellooooo...uh, YES. -but then we promised each other 'for richer, for poorer' and MEANT it. -And I didn't say that it was one-sided. Would he get a job in the same area as she's in if her job is better? I was the big bread winner for a couple of years. That means he stays in the same area that my job was. I'm just saying that if career is more important than your spouse...um, why is he/she your spouse? Taxes? Damn, why not stay PEN-PALS and not risk divorce attorneys and kids? ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PsychoBob 0 #6 March 9, 2007 I worked on Capitol Hill for 2.5 years as a liaison and a lobbyist and commuted back and forth. Flew out early Monday morning and returned home late Friday evening and it SUCKED! I wouldn't want to be apart full time. It wasn't good for a relationship either, at least in my case."I'm not a gynecologist but I will take a look at it" RB #1295, Smokey Sister #1, HellFish #658, Dirty Sanchez #194, Muff Brothers #3834, POPS #9614, Orfun Foster-Parent?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuperGirl 0 #7 March 9, 2007 Quote I guess it depends on your idea of 'limited'. Some of the people I mentioned do this all the time. It is not 'limited'. My friend packs up the kids and leaves the country for months on end every year. It's just what she does. Like I said; it's her deal, I don't get involved...but when she comes crying to me about marriage problems...eegad. hmm, I was thinking more about people who need to do this for a year or so until they manage to find jobs... but if your friend does this all the time with no intention of changing it, then I agree with you, it's weird! Quote Hellooooo...uh, YES. -but then we promised each other 'for richer, for poorer' and MEANT it. true, but sometimes you try to have both the love of your life AND a career, and in some cases sacrificing a year might be worth it. I'm not saying one should keep the job forever and just do the long distance relationship as if it were normal. Plan to quit the job and move to wherever the partner is, but do it in a way that minimizez the negative consequences on your career. And I'm not implying it's easy. It's hard as hell. Quote I didn't say that it was one-sided. Would he get a job in the same area as she's in if her job is better? I was the big bread winner for a couple of years. That means he stays in the same area that my job was. But does he stay unemployed for a long time, or does he just find a reasonably good job in the same area? For some people it's easier than for others. Depends on what job you do. I guess we have different examples in mind. I'm thinking of a couple I know where they were in the same area for a while, then his job contract came to an end (academic job - visiting position), had to find a new job, didn't find one in the same area, but found an excellent one someplace else. Wife was finishing grad studies. They were apart for 2 years, in the meantime she applied for jobs where he was, and finally got one. Now they're together and it worked out nicely. THe thing is, had she quit her studies and moved with him from the beginning, she wouldn't have gotten the job she has now. I just feel like there are situations where it makes sense to sacrifice a year or so for both partners to be happy in the many years to follow. But for some reason I was thinking of people who don't have kids yet. Kids would make this a whole lot more complicated... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #8 March 9, 2007 I see your point.~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #9 March 9, 2007 If i ever get married, i want a duplex. That way we each have our own place, but we're still close. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #10 March 9, 2007 QuoteIf i ever get married, i want a duplex. That way we each have our own place, but we're still close. ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #11 March 9, 2007 QuoteIf i ever get married, i want a duplex. That way we each have our own place, but we're still close. With an ice cream machine. Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
johnie 0 #12 March 9, 2007 sounds like a sweet deal !!!!!! see you and the kids next month ,Adios.No matter where you Go!"there you are"! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #13 March 9, 2007 A down-the-street neighbor remarried a California woman after his divorce. Although his ex-wife still lives around the corner, his new wife still lives in LA. She just had twins last week, but still is not moving up here to be with her husband. I have no idea how she got pregnant. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #14 March 9, 2007 QuoteA down-the-street neighbor remarried a California woman after his divorce. Although his ex-wife still lives around the corner, his new wife still lives in LA. She just had twins last week, but still is not moving up here to be with her husband. I have no idea how she got pregnant. Gyah...see now? Weird! Odd! Bizarro! But I guess if they're happy...~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuperGirl 0 #15 March 9, 2007 Quote I have no idea how she got pregnant. the same way as Virgin Mary? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Guest #16 March 9, 2007 QuoteI don't get it either. One of my professors at school just moved to Maryland, but her husband is staying here. Is work really that important? It is when the alternative is losing your house because you can't earn enough in your area to pay the mortgage. I'm not in Kosovo because I like it. mh ."The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mamajumps 0 #17 March 9, 2007 Im currently in this situation and I HATE IT!!!!! My hubby is a skydiving instructor and the DZ he works at is 3 hours from home, he is home usually 2 days a week ( this week has been an exception, he's been here all week...and I'm loving it!!!) granted Im not as far away as some couple I guess, but we have four kids together and I work full time so it puts a lot on my plate... alot of the time I don't mind, and I would totally move to be closer to where he works, but I have a great job that I'm not willing to give up. Sure there are DZ's closer to us than this one, but not with the perks he gets at this one... I do miss him incredibly, we have been married for 10 years and I would love to have him home more, especially since the kids are getting older and we are able to do more fun stuff together and as a family... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites virgin-burner 1 #18 March 9, 2007 QuoteA down-the-street neighbor remarried a California woman after his divorce. Although his ex-wife still lives around the corner, his new wife still lives in LA. She just had twins last week, but still is not moving up here to be with her husband. I have no idea how she got pregnant. immaculate conception? QuoteI'm not in Kosovo because I like it. mh . isnt kosove a beautiful countryside? we have a lot of albanians in switzerland.. i was thinking of doing service down there too, but i am single, so i guess it doesnt matter..“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.” -Hunter S. Thompson "No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try." -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ACMESkydiver 0 #19 March 9, 2007 QuoteIm currently in this situation and I HATE IT!!!!! My hubby is a skydiving instructor and the DZ he works at is 3 hours from home, he is home usually 2 days a week ( this week has been an exception, he's been here all week...and I'm loving it!!!) granted Im not as far away as some couple I guess, but we have four kids together and I work full time so it puts a lot on my plate... alot of the time I don't mind, and I would totally move to be closer to where he works, but I have a great job that I'm not willing to give up. Sure there are DZ's closer to us than this one, but not with the perks he gets at this one... I do miss him incredibly, we have been married for 10 years and I would love to have him home more, especially since the kids are getting older and we are able to do more fun stuff together and as a family... No offense, but you're kinda sounding like a dog on a spike... -Ever heard that one? A man walks up to his neighbor's house and finds him sitting on his porch. His dog is laying on the porch beside him. The dog lifts his head up and lets out a horrible howl, "ROwwwwwwwwohhowww!" The man looks at his friend sitting on his porch; his friend shrugs. A few minutes later, the dog howls again, "Rooooooowwroooooohhhhhh!" but doesn't move. The man looks at his friend again; his friends shrugs back. The third time the dog lets out such a mournful sound, the man asks his friend, "Hey, Zeke. Why is your dog howlin' like that?" Zeke shrugs, "He's layin' on a spike." The man looks surprised and asks, "Well, why doesn't he MOVE?!" Zeke shakes his head, "I guess it don't hurt that bad." So many times in our lives, mine included, we can SAY how bad a thing is (you & your husband not seeing each other, me with my health, i.e.), but unless it spurns us to action, it just doesn't hurt bad enough...~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Darius11 12 #20 March 9, 2007 Me and the GF believe in not living with each other at least in the traditional seance. We both are very independent and like are alone time. We have looked at houses to purchase, and we always look for something that either has a couple of floors or separate houses on the same property. We just believe that living in the same house is not for us and causes many problems for people who enjoy their alone time. I believe it also has to do with are current culture. More and more people live alone longer so you tend to get used to doing what you want when you want. I guess we are too selfish, but i am ok with it.I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Conundrum 1 #21 March 9, 2007 I don't see the point of being married if you're not living together (with the exception of military who is deployed) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites peregrinerose 0 #22 March 9, 2007 I agree. My first marriage fell apart after 3 years of the long distance thing. He worked 2 hours away from my grad school, so I'd live there during the week and come home most weekends unless there were exams or I had to work. When I finally graduated and we had a solid year together, we'd had so much strain due to living apart for so long our minor issues snowballed into big ones. It was ugly. Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Snowwhite 0 #23 March 9, 2007 Works for Streaker and Me. We've been living apart for about a dozen years. 3 and a half more to go, and he qualifies for early retirement, whatever the heck that is. I have 13 years to work after he comes back..skydiveTaylorville.org freefallbeth@yahoo.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ACMESkydiver 0 #24 March 9, 2007 It does look like a trend. Interesting. I couldn't do it.~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Nightingale 0 #25 March 9, 2007 Sometimes being apart for a little while makes you appreciate the other person a lot more. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 Next Page 1 of 2 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. 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Guest #16 March 9, 2007 QuoteI don't get it either. One of my professors at school just moved to Maryland, but her husband is staying here. Is work really that important? It is when the alternative is losing your house because you can't earn enough in your area to pay the mortgage. I'm not in Kosovo because I like it. mh ."The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mamajumps 0 #17 March 9, 2007 Im currently in this situation and I HATE IT!!!!! My hubby is a skydiving instructor and the DZ he works at is 3 hours from home, he is home usually 2 days a week ( this week has been an exception, he's been here all week...and I'm loving it!!!) granted Im not as far away as some couple I guess, but we have four kids together and I work full time so it puts a lot on my plate... alot of the time I don't mind, and I would totally move to be closer to where he works, but I have a great job that I'm not willing to give up. Sure there are DZ's closer to us than this one, but not with the perks he gets at this one... I do miss him incredibly, we have been married for 10 years and I would love to have him home more, especially since the kids are getting older and we are able to do more fun stuff together and as a family... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
virgin-burner 1 #18 March 9, 2007 QuoteA down-the-street neighbor remarried a California woman after his divorce. Although his ex-wife still lives around the corner, his new wife still lives in LA. She just had twins last week, but still is not moving up here to be with her husband. I have no idea how she got pregnant. immaculate conception? QuoteI'm not in Kosovo because I like it. mh . isnt kosove a beautiful countryside? we have a lot of albanians in switzerland.. i was thinking of doing service down there too, but i am single, so i guess it doesnt matter..“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.” -Hunter S. Thompson "No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try." -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #19 March 9, 2007 QuoteIm currently in this situation and I HATE IT!!!!! My hubby is a skydiving instructor and the DZ he works at is 3 hours from home, he is home usually 2 days a week ( this week has been an exception, he's been here all week...and I'm loving it!!!) granted Im not as far away as some couple I guess, but we have four kids together and I work full time so it puts a lot on my plate... alot of the time I don't mind, and I would totally move to be closer to where he works, but I have a great job that I'm not willing to give up. Sure there are DZ's closer to us than this one, but not with the perks he gets at this one... I do miss him incredibly, we have been married for 10 years and I would love to have him home more, especially since the kids are getting older and we are able to do more fun stuff together and as a family... No offense, but you're kinda sounding like a dog on a spike... -Ever heard that one? A man walks up to his neighbor's house and finds him sitting on his porch. His dog is laying on the porch beside him. The dog lifts his head up and lets out a horrible howl, "ROwwwwwwwwohhowww!" The man looks at his friend sitting on his porch; his friend shrugs. A few minutes later, the dog howls again, "Rooooooowwroooooohhhhhh!" but doesn't move. The man looks at his friend again; his friends shrugs back. The third time the dog lets out such a mournful sound, the man asks his friend, "Hey, Zeke. Why is your dog howlin' like that?" Zeke shrugs, "He's layin' on a spike." The man looks surprised and asks, "Well, why doesn't he MOVE?!" Zeke shakes his head, "I guess it don't hurt that bad." So many times in our lives, mine included, we can SAY how bad a thing is (you & your husband not seeing each other, me with my health, i.e.), but unless it spurns us to action, it just doesn't hurt bad enough...~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Darius11 12 #20 March 9, 2007 Me and the GF believe in not living with each other at least in the traditional seance. We both are very independent and like are alone time. We have looked at houses to purchase, and we always look for something that either has a couple of floors or separate houses on the same property. We just believe that living in the same house is not for us and causes many problems for people who enjoy their alone time. I believe it also has to do with are current culture. More and more people live alone longer so you tend to get used to doing what you want when you want. I guess we are too selfish, but i am ok with it.I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Conundrum 1 #21 March 9, 2007 I don't see the point of being married if you're not living together (with the exception of military who is deployed) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peregrinerose 0 #22 March 9, 2007 I agree. My first marriage fell apart after 3 years of the long distance thing. He worked 2 hours away from my grad school, so I'd live there during the week and come home most weekends unless there were exams or I had to work. When I finally graduated and we had a solid year together, we'd had so much strain due to living apart for so long our minor issues snowballed into big ones. It was ugly. Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Snowwhite 0 #23 March 9, 2007 Works for Streaker and Me. We've been living apart for about a dozen years. 3 and a half more to go, and he qualifies for early retirement, whatever the heck that is. I have 13 years to work after he comes back..skydiveTaylorville.org freefallbeth@yahoo.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #24 March 9, 2007 It does look like a trend. Interesting. I couldn't do it.~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #25 March 9, 2007 Sometimes being apart for a little while makes you appreciate the other person a lot more. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
