Post filthy limericks

[1969912 0]

Please post some nasty limericks.


There was a young man from Peru,
who fell asleep in his canoe,
while dreaming of Venus,
he played with his penis
and woke up covered in goo.


There once was a Senator from Mass
Who wanted a strange piece of ass
He lucked up and found it
But fucked up and drowned it
And now his future is past


There once was a man named Ray
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And tore all his foreskin away


Here's to the girl named Louise
Who's pubic hair hung to her knees
the crabs came together,
and knitted a sweater
so in Winter her cunt would not freeze!


My dorky ex-roommate Pierre
Once fell asleep in my chair
I pulled out my unit
Proceeded to tune it
And fired my load in his hair


There was an old woman from leith
Who would circumcise men with her teeth
It wasn`t for fame,
or love of the game
but to get at the cheese underneath.


There once was a lady named Dot
Who lived off of pigshit and snot.
When she ran out of these
She ate the green cheese
That she grew on the sides of her twat.


There once was a woman named Jess
Bisexual, she would confess
She loved a good dick
but pussy she'd lick
and leave both a wet gooey mess


A well-partied co-ed named Dawn,
when asked what conclusion she’d drawn,
Said, "I was having a ball...
But I just can’t recall
this tattoo... or where all my pubic hair’s gone!!"


There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
Oh what the hell,
I'll get used to the smell.
And think of the money I'll save.


There was a goucho named Bruno
Who said, "about fucking, I do know,.."
That women are fine,
And sheep are divine,
But llamas are numero uno!!!"


Once a young woman named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And part of her anus in Dallas.

"Once we got to the point where twenty/something's needed a place on the corner that changed the oil in their cars we were doomed . . ."
-NickDG

[Gene03 0]

A petite girl, when begged for some action,
told the guy with the 9-inch attraction,
it would cause me dismay, if you went all the way
I'd settle, she smiled for a fraction.

“The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.

Stanislaw Jerzy Lec quotes (Polish writer, poet and satirist 1906-1966)

[jakee 1,594]

Quote

There once was a man named Ray
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And tore all his foreskin away

Not a limerick, but this reminded me of my favourite ever drinking song.

An old engineer told me before he died
And I've no reason to believe he lied

That he had a wife with a cunt so wide
That she was never satisfied

So he built a prick of steel (2x)
Driven by a bloody great wheel.

Two brass balls were filled with cream (2x)
And the whole fucking issue was driven by steam.

Round and round went the bloody great wheel (2x)
And in and out went the prick of steel.

Up and up went the level of steam (2x)
And down and down went the level of cream.

Till at last the lady cried: (2x)
"Enough, enough, I'm satisfied".

Now we come to the tragic bit (2x)
There was no way of stopping it.

It went like the piston of a train,
He should have fitted a gearing chain,

Clouds of steam blew out the top,
There wasn't a way to make it stop,

She was split from arse to tit (2x)
And the whole bloody issue was covered with shit

It jumped off her, it jumped on him,
And then it buggered their next of kin,

It jumped onto a departing bus,
And the mess it made caused quite a fuss,

The last time, Sir, that prick was seen,
Was in Buckingham Palace fucking the Queen,

There's a moral to the story I tell,
If you see it coming better run like hell,

Nine months later a child was born,
With two brass balls and a bloody great horn,

The crux of the matter is plain to be seen,
You should never trust a FUCKING MACHINE!

Do you want to have an ideagasm?

[Shell666 0]

Have I told you today that I love you ...
Be there for Limerick Night on the bar in LP.

Most we've heard ... some we don't remember ...



I'll bring copies ...

'Shell

[SpeedRacer 1]

A skydiving dude named Clay
Insisted: "I am NOT gay!
Though I've never lost sleep
Over my fondness of sheep
It's strictly been ewes all the way!"

Speed Racer
--------------------------------------------------

[SpeedRacer 1]

Here's one my grandpa told me:

On the breast of a waitress named Gail
Was tattooed the price of pale ale
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
The same was written in Braille.

Speed Racer
--------------------------------------------------

[Shell666 0]

Here's one I wrote in LP a few years ago (after a sweet, dear, Skyvan Pilot BLEW apart my 12' x 12' shade tent in camp)!

There once was a pilot named James
Who liked looking at Canadian dames
They showed him their tits, then their tent blew to bits
No more tent, no more tits for poor James

'Shell

[ECVZZ 0]

There once was a soldier named Hunt
who preferred his wife's bung to her cunt
till one day she shrieked, "I resent being Greeked!"
so he had to return to the front


There once was a man from Nantucket,
who's dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin,
"if my ear was a cunt, I'd fuck it".

G. Jones

"I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around, the more I think it might not be a bad idea."

[BillyVance 35]

Quote

A skydiving dude named Clay
Insisted: "I am NOT gay!
Though I've never lost sleep
Over my fondness of sheep
It's strictly been ewes all the way!"

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[niu 0]

There was a man from Kent,with a dick so very bent.He could without trouble put it in double, and when he came he went.