My First IAD

[Terias_McKlay 0]

It’s early, okay, it’s 8am, it’s early enough. You’re sitting in class with people you don’t know (or, depending on the terms of the bet, you may know everyone) and you’re thinking about the fistful of signed waivers that were just taken from your sweaty little paws.

You’ll wonder why you’re there, possibly more than once. In the end, it doesn’t matter. It could be it was a drunken pact you secretly thought wouldn’t make it past the hangover. Or you could’ve watched some parachuting Power Rangers as a kid. Or, you could know a bunch of skydivers, in which case you knew this moment would come sooner or later. They’ve been harassing your pansy ass for months (possibly longer) until you finally agreed to throw said ass out of a moving vehicle several thousand feet up.

First, you’ll watch a video reminding you, yet again, that your ass is officially uninsured and any frak ups from here on in is all on you baby. Following that piece of terror you move to the grass outside where you practice checking your chute and how to prep for a hard landing in case you come in too fast. Klutz that you are, you’ll listen up ‘cause you figure you’ll need it.

Next are emergency procedures. You’ll listen with rapt attention, mentally assaulting the disruptive dumbass who keeps talking while you learn about the reserve chute which, karma willing, you’ll never need.

Now, after all your training, Murphy will rear up and give you a good kick in the metaphorical testes. The sky will open up, the rain will come. You’re grounded. Muthafu…

It’s early, okay fine, it’s 9am and the hungover dude beside you may mention that the drinks from the night before were ‘7 percent of apocalypse in a bottle’. Considering how your own head will be feeling, you’ll be inclined to agree.

There’s more waiting until the wind finally settles and, suddenly, you’re in a jump suit with hands reaching around in awkward places tightening the straps of your rig. You’ll realize, -probably with a smirk-, that some people pay to be touched like that. This thought will be followed with the second realization, you have paid for it so you really should just sit back and enjoy. Now you’re getting loaded (onto the plane you alkies, keep up) and you think ‘this is one tiny ass piece of flying machinery’. The engine starts, makes some strange sounds and then you’re moving off the runway towards blue skies.

You’ll be chewing gum madly, trying to relieve the pressure as the plane ascends. You’ll try to figure out how to get rid of it before you leave the plane, remember, your mother always told you not to swallow your gum. As you contemplate you look out the window at the ground below. It’s far. Very far. Gum is the least of your worries.

The door opens and you climb out, your Jump Master following closely behind as you grab onto the wing strut and shimmy your sorry ass to the end.

By now, lets be honest, some of your bravado has faltered because you are, afterall, hanging off the wing strut of a plane. Tell your friends to be prepared for their ears to burn at this point as you may be cursing them having for having talked you into this adventure in the first place. Don’t worry, it’ll pass.

The wind will push your legs back and upward, holding you in that damnable ‘arch’ position. The one that seemed so awkward on the ground but is now the best feeling in the world. You’ve finally realized that childhood dream of flying beside a plane like Superman and, for those few seconds, as the wind whips past your body at 80 miles an hour, you’ll think, ‘yeah, I’m a frakking superhero.’

It’s then that your Jump Master (who promised to get your ass out of the plane one way or another) looks you in the eye and says, ‘GO’. Be prepared, this command may be followed by your own thoughts such as ‘oh shit’, ‘what now’, or ‘oh my God what have I done?’

Against your body’s instincts to hold on for dear freaking life you’ll let go trying to remember to ‘stick your dick out’ to hold the arch as you fall. Yeah right. It won’t be until later, when you’re being debriefed, that you even realize you forgot to count. Jackass.

The first moment of disorientation will pass and you’ll look up to see a canopy unfolding above you. Good thing you helped that little old lady across the street last week. Evidently the Powers That Be didn’t write ‘SMITE ME’ on the back of your neon orange brain bucket.

You’ll check your chute, it’s rectangular, symmetrical, and ‘oh shit’, you’ve gotta steer this bitch. You reach up, maybe fumble with the toggles a bit ‘cause, with the ground a little bit of a large distance from your falling ass, it’s always good to have some semblance of control.

The guy on the radio will welcome you to your brave new world and tell you to ‘do your thing’. You’ll check the canopy for control, pulling on both toggles to flare, amazed when, for one moment, you seem to be at a dead stop with endless sky above you and the grid pattern of the fields below.

Next are the turn checks and you pull down on one toggle once again surprised as the 260 square feet (or 220 depending on how small your skinny ass is) of nylon fabric actually responds and that you are now turning the parachute, your puny little body with it.

You’ll practice some flares to prep for landing, ‘cause now, barring any weird and freaky shit, that’s your biggest problem. The guy on the radio is guiding you back home and it’s now that you really enjoy the view. You’ll look up to see the neon orange canopy against the field of blue and then look down across the vast expanse of land, something you weren’t sure you’d ever actually get to see outside the protection of a plane.

Holy frickin’ frak, you’re really high up.

Breathe. It’s cool. Buddy on the radio is guiding you in nice and easy and you tuck your feet and knees together, bending your knees to absorb the impact as you hit. You’re surprised, you didn’t do a lipstand. Well done.

Congrats, take a breath. You’ve officially taken off in more planes than you have landed in.

And now, as one of your buddies shows you how to daisy chain the lines of your chute, you’ll think ‘someone better have caught that shit on tape.’

[NWFlyer 2]

Aaaaaaand we've hooked another one. Nicely written.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[Shell666 0]

You have just let me relive my first jump! All of it EXACTLY the same (well, except for the "stick your dick out" part!)

Thank you for that!
Well done!

'Shell

[porpoishead 8]

nice bud!!

welcome to the big disfunctional family

if you want a friend feed any animal
Perry Farrell

[Mikhail 0]

Nicely written indeed. Cheers, Terias.

[Zeppo 0]

Awesome first jump...can't wait to hear about your second!

Welcome to your new life!

What goes up, must come DOWN!!!

[g_fun 0]

That was awesome! Congrats.

How can I be so thirsty when I drank so much last night?