sharimcm 0 #26 July 25, 2007 It's kind of racial and/or religous, but my aunt, who is from Mexico and Catholic loved it... Q. Why did God invent shetland ponies? A. So the Mexicans could have low-riders at the Alamo. "I had a dude tip his black cowboy hat to me after I provided him with a condom outside my hotel room at 3-something in the morning." -myself Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #27 July 25, 2007 Two antennas are built up on a rural hill next to each other. Over time, they get to know each other and they fall in love and decide to get married. The wedding was a disaster ... but the reception was awesome. (Believe it or not, Todd Higley told me that joke... I had no idea he knew any clean jokes)."There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #28 July 25, 2007 What's got antlers but can't see? - No Idea What's got antlers, can'ty see or move? Still no idea. No eye dear..... jeeeze (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluepill 0 #29 July 25, 2007 My all time favorite is this. Ask me if I am an Orange. (Hint: Someone needs to ask me) BP Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scoop 0 #30 July 25, 2007 Sounds like a weird process but a funny company to work for Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
1969912 0 #31 July 25, 2007 QuoteMy all time favorite is this. Ask me if I am an Orange. (Hint: Someone needs to ask me) BP Are you an orange? "Once we got to the point where twenty/something's needed a place on the corner that changed the oil in their cars we were doomed . . ." -NickDG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluepill 0 #32 July 25, 2007 Quote Quote My all time favorite is this. Ask me if I am an Orange. (Hint: Someone needs to ask me) BP Are you an orange? No I am not. Ask me if I am an apple. BP Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jimmytavino 16 #33 July 25, 2007 ....well it's an old one,, but I do like it A woman rushes into her home all excited and shouts out, " hey !! pack the bags, I won the lottery"!!! A mans voice replies,, " Great, should I pack for the mountains, or pack for the beach"? She yells back... " I don't Care !! just get the hell OUT!!!"jmy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluepill 0 #34 July 25, 2007 On a recent flight with EasyJet a fight attendant came out with: "Easyjet would like to welcome you..." " ...and finally ladies and gentlemen you will be very pleased to know that Easyjet has some of the most attractive flight attendants in the business. However, none of them are on this flight." at the end of the flight he came out with ".... thankyou ladies and gentlemen for allowing Easyjet to take you for a ride!" Funniest flight I ever had BP Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #35 July 27, 2007 Also in the news .......... Ireland has suffered it's worst ever air disaster. A small light aircraft crashed into a church yard earlier today. The police have so far uncovered 300 bodies. (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sharimcm 0 #36 July 27, 2007 Southwest has some of the best comedians working for them. The best flight I had was going from Austin to Vegas... The flight attendant was doing the emergency procedures which included: "The bottom of your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. In case of a water landing which will most likely be in Phoenix, please kick, paddle, kick, paddle kick to the edge of the pull and get out." "In case of the loss in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop... Please put the mask over your nose and mouth first, then over your children's... Then help the men acting like children." And the best after landing... "Be careful while opening the overhead bins. We all know SHIFT happens." "I had a dude tip his black cowboy hat to me after I provided him with a condom outside my hotel room at 3-something in the morning." -myself Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #37 July 27, 2007 Back during the War of Northern Aggression (Civil war for you Yankees), General Sherman was making his March through the south. He gets to Stone Mountain Georgia and there is a Lone Rebel Standing on the top of a Hill Shouting Obscenities at General Sherman and his men. Sherman orders his best soldier to go up there and get rid of that Rebel. The soldier heads up the hill and a few minutes his lifeless body is tossed back down to Sherman’s feet. Sherman tell one of his captains to get up 10 of his best soldiers and go get that Rebel. A few Minutes later 10 dead soldiers come rolling down the hill. Finally Sherman says to his captain, Get me 100 men and get that Rebel. A Huge Battle rages for hours up on the hill. Finally the last of Sherman’s men manages to barely escape with his life.. Running down the hill, he screams to General Sherman.... It is a Trick!! There are Two of them!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
