livendive 8 #26 August 21, 2007 QuoteWow... I just read the reviews for that book... the reviews describe adopted people as "conflicted" with "feelings of abandonment" with a "subconscious fear of abandonment and trust"... that makes no sense to me. I don't feel abandoned or conflicted. I have a wonderful family that's been with me every step of the way. The first mistake my birth mother made regarding me was producing me in the first place. I was very clearly an "oops!" On the other hand, my mom CHOSE to be that, despite clear knowledge of how tough that would be. What's a better demonstration of love, a drunken sportfuck without protection? Or assumption of parental responsibilities for a fucked up teenage boy? I feel the exact opposite of abandoned, as my mom demonstrated the kind of love that only a true parent has the capacity for. Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airkid 0 #27 August 21, 2007 do you call your aunt and uncle "mom" and "dad" when you speak to them? the reason i ask is because when i was 12 (this by far was not the start of my journey) i came to live with my aunt and uncle but i call them by their first names when i speak to them.... not "mom" or "dad"... even though i appreciate their attempt at raising a good-hearted decent young man... even when i lived with my grandmother (who is evil) i lived with her from three to eleven and she wanted me to call her mom.... never did... i knew who my real parents were and it wasn't her. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #28 August 21, 2007 QuoteI must say it does sound like you put alot of thought into being adopted. It is also a part of me but not something i really ever think about. You should try meeting your mum. It is amazing. And if she does not want to meet you who cares,it should not hurt as yuo should be able to understand if she does not want to meet you at this age. ... Like I said, I've made myself very easy to find (as in a two minute search on the internet) for anyone with the right information who is looking. If they want to find me, they will, and I have no objection to meeting them. I just don't have any real desire to meet them either. I think I've put thought into being adopted mainly because people ask me questions about it, and make comments like "have you met your real parents?" and "how does it feel knowing your mom didn't want you?" My real parents are the people who parented me, and calling them anything less than "real" is an insult to all they've done for me, all the hard work it was to raise me (I was soooo not an easy kid!), and all the sacrifices they've made along the way. My biological mother was a teenager who made some stupid decisions about sex, but a smart decision about who should raise the resulting kid (I got all that from the adoption file my mom gave me). She wanted me to have a good life that she couldn't give me, and I really appreciate that, but ultimately, she's not my real mom. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #29 August 21, 2007 QuoteQuoteWow... I just read the reviews for that book... the reviews describe adopted people as "conflicted" with "feelings of abandonment" with a "subconscious fear of abandonment and trust"... that makes no sense to me. I don't feel abandoned or conflicted. I have a wonderful family that's been with me every step of the way. The first mistake my birth mother made regarding me was producing me in the first place. I was very clearly an "oops!" On the other hand, my mom CHOSE to be that, despite clear knowledge of how tough that would be. What's a better demonstration of love, a drunken sportfuck without protection? Or assumption of parental responsibilities for a fucked up teenage boy? I feel the exact opposite of abandoned, as my mom demonstrated the kind of love that only a true parent has the capacity for. Blues, Dave Exactly! Knowing all the hoops my parents had to jump through, all the money they had to put out, and all the chaos that came into their lives because they wanted a child really makes me feel special. They couldn't just pop out a kid, but because they really wanted me, they had to go way above and beyond what most parents have to do. Knowing that someone was willing to do this because they wanted me so badly certainly doesn't make me feel abandoned! My mom loves to tell the story about when they found out they were going to be able to adopt me. The agency had told my parents there was a waiting list of a year or two, so "don't expect anything soon." Three months later, they get a call saying "we have a daughter for you. come pick her up tomorrow." I was only a few days old. Now, my dad is a guy who likes everything planned out. He's very level-headed and not the type to panic. He examines a situation and deals with it. And my dad freaked out. He rushed my mom into the van, drove them to Sears (braving the christmas rush at the mall), completely panicked and grabbed the first salesperson he saw, saying "HELP! We're adopting a baby tomorrow and...tell us what we need to buy!" Several hours later, they had absolutely everything, the van was stuffed to the gills, and my dad stayed up all night getting everything just right. I do still resent whoever had the bright idea to stick a bright red bow on my head and put me under the christmas tree to take a picture, though. Now THAT was humiliating. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livendive 8 #30 August 21, 2007 Quotedo you call your aunt and uncle "mom" and "dad" when you speak to them? Yes, though that did take some time. When talking about them to anyone else, I always referred to them as my mom and dad, but when talking to them, it was Aunt Liz and Uncle Jerry. When the rest of my family (mother and siblings of birth mother) started referring to her as my mom in front of her about 10 years ago, I gradually (and happily) followed suit. My dad didn't get that moniker until just a few years ago, when he started using the valediction, "I love you, son" at the end of our phone calls. As silly as it sounds, it's been a real relief to finally call them what they are rather than what they were (or dodge the issue by not addressing them by name at all). I'm happier calling them mom & dad and and would have started doing so long ago if I'd known that would be the case. Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airkid 0 #31 August 21, 2007 well... my aunt referred to me as her "son" for the first time that i had heard a while back... i called her and she was talking to someone in the background ..... it kinda made me a little uneasy. she asked me if i had heard her, i guess to seek approval or what not, i told her i had but continued whatever unimportant conversation i had for her... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livendive 8 #32 August 21, 2007 Quote it kinda made me a little uneasy. It's definitely odd at first. In both cases, there were some instances of awkwardness, and I suppose that there may be a few more regarding my dad when talking to his two biological children. We've referred to each other as brother/sister for many years now, and that's just routine, but when talking to them, calling their birth father "dad" still seems a little wierd, like I'm taking something from them. Last year at my grandmother's funeral, my birth mother cornered my daughter in the restroom and said, "Hi Jackie, do you know who I am?" My daughter replied, "Yes, you're Barbara." Her response was, "No, I'm your grandma!" and my daughter's retort was, "Umm, well kinda, I guess, but not really." Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
