Cringe Jokes.......

[shropshire 0]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you may know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him............




A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[Scoop 0]

Awful jokes are good!

[monkycndo 0]

Roy Rogers had just purchased a new set of boots. Going out one day to check on Trigger, Roy stepped in a pile of horse poo, and Dale told him to leave his boots outside on the porch until he could clean them up. Roy did so, and went inside for dinner. In the meantime, a cougar wandering around on the property spied the boots, grabbed them up in his mouth, and took off for the wilderness. Roy, seeing his new boots heading for the hills, pulled on a pair of old boots, ran out, saddled up Trigger and rode out to cut off the escape path of the cougar. Several hours later Roy returned, new boots in hand and the cougar stretched over the back of Trigger.
Dale, looking at the scene in front of her, said,
"Pardon me, Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"

50 donations so far. Give it a try.

You know you want to spank it
Jump an Infinity

[ACMESkydiver 0]

BWAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!! OMG!!! 'Laughing My Ass Off [spelled out because it's true]'


Hahahahahahaaaaa..........

I guess my delivery was off...Joe said that it's stupid. -I couldn't stop laughing.

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

My dad's name is Don, and his buddy is Bob.

Bob walks into a pet shop here in Seattle one day and tells the owner, "I'd like an easy-to-keep pet, one that I don't have to take out for walks or get a litter box for...something just to keep me company."

The pet store owner tells Bob that he has just the thing and shows him a bird cage with a beautifully colored parrot in it. "This is a Rary bird. It's got beautiful plumage, it sings sweetly, and it's easy to keep."

"Sold!" Bob exclaims, and takes the bird home.

After a week, Bob notices that this Rary bird has nearly DOUBLED in size! He's almost too big for his cage! Bob thinks to himself, 'Well, that's odd that the shop keeper didn't mention that he'd grow bigger,' but thinks nothing more of it.

The next week, the Rary bird doubles in size AGAIN! He's enormous! He fills up the whole cage, and Bob has to build him a bigger enclosure.

The following week, the Rary bird doubles in size yet again! Frustrated by this bird that is now nearly as big as he is, Bob tells himself that surely this is the largest the bird can get; he'd never even heard of such a large bird.

You guessed it, by the end of the following week, the Rary bird had grown so large that it took up half of Bob's living room.

"I've had it!" cried Bob, "I can't keep this ridiculously large bird! I've got to ditch this thing, but where?!"

Bob calls my dad, Don. Bob and Don decide that they'll have to dump this mutant bird somewhere, and decide that the only place LARGE enough to ditch this freak Rary bird is the Grand Canyon.

Bob and Don load up the trailer with the Rary bird, and head down the coast. They drive day and night.

When Bob and Don finally reach the Grand Canyon, Bob backs the trailer right up to the edge. The two men drop the tailgate, and with a tremendous 'Heave-Ho!' knock the Rary bird into the Grand Canyon.

'Phew!' Bob sighed, "What a trip! Are you sure we needed to drive all this way, Don?"

Don told him, "Well you know Bob...It's a Long Way to Tip a Rary..."

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[shropshire 0]

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[ACMESkydiver 0]

My crappy jokes:


Two fish are swimming in the river. One runs into a cement wall and says, "Dam(n)".

_______________________________________________

Mickey Mouse is in divorce court. The judge looks over at Mickey quite confused, "Mr. Mouse, you mean to tell me that you want to divorce Minnie because she's crazy?"

Mickey replies, "I didn't say she was crazy! I said she was fucking Goofy!"

________________________________________________

A rope walks into a bar and sits down on a stool. The bartender tells him, "Get out of here, we don't serve ropes!"

The rope wanders off.

Five minutes later, the same rope walks back into the bar and sits at the other end of the bar. The bartender says, "Hey! Beat it. I said We don't serve ropes."

The rope steps outside, shakes his hair out, contorts his body into many twists, and hops back into the bar taking a seat at a bar stool.

The bartender says, "Buddy, I've seen you in here before. Aren't you that same rope that just walked in here a few minutes ago?"

The rope says, "Nope. I'm afraid not." (that's 'a frayed knot' for you slow people )
__________________________________________________

Ok, here's the 9 year old's version of 'lame joke', she told me this morning:

How do aliens count to 28?

On their fingers.
_________________________________________________

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[shropshire 0]

A dyslexic man walked into a bra

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[shropshire 0]

Two aerials met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Quote

A dyslexic man walked into a bra

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Quote

Two antennasaerials met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Americanized it for ya.

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[shropshire 0]

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[shropshire 0]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are out in the desert one cold dark night.... shivering.

Tonto suggests that they nip to the nearest bar for a shot or two of booze to stave off the cold.

On reaching the bar, the Lone Ranger orders a round of drinks but the bar keep says that Tonto is not welcome in his establishment.

Tonto says no worries his mate should stay for a couple whilst he goes out side to keep warm. The Lone Ranger agrees to onlyh have a couple and then join Tonto soon.

3 hours later and after many wee hits the Lone Ranger is pissed out of his brain when a local steps into the bar and Shouts...







"Hey..... someone's left the injun running outside!!"










[Also for the slow...... Engine]

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[Broke 0]

What is the differance between a 16 year old girl and a washing machine?

Drop a load in a washing machine and it does not follow you around for two weeks telling you that it loves you

Divot your source for all things Hillbilly.
Anvil Brother 84
SCR 14192

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Quote

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are out in the desert one cold dark night.... shivering.

Tonto suggests that they saunternip to the nearest bar for a shot or two of booze to fendstave off the cold.

On reaching the bar, the Lone Ranger orders a round of drinks but the bar keep says that Tonto is not welcome in his saloonestablishment.

Tonto says no worries kemosabehis mate should stay for a couple whilst he goes out side to keep warm. The Lone Ranger agrees to onlyh have a couple and then join Tonto soon.

3 hours later and after many shotswee hits the Lone Ranger is drunk as hellpissed out of his brain when a local steps into the bar and Shouts...







"Hey..... someone's left the injun running outside!!"










[Also for the slow...... Engine]

-Well now, that IS an American joke, so I had to take out your Brittish slang or it just sounds all f'd up...

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[Broke 0]

What kind of Bees make milk?


Boobies!!!

Divot your source for all things Hillbilly.
Anvil Brother 84
SCR 14192

[lippy 918]

There's a magician doing his stage act and he says to the crowd: 'For my next act I'm going to need a volunteer from the audience.'

A guy gets up on stage, and the magician gives him a hammer and tells the guy to hit him in the temple as hard as he can.........................................................
.............................................................
..............................................................
...............................................................
...............................................................
...........
...............................................................
.........................10 Years later, the magician snaps out of his coma, sits up in his hospital bed and yells 'TA-DAHHHHHHHHHHHH"

I got nuthin

[freethefly 6]

Little Johnny wants to be a bus driver, just like his dad, when he grows up. He figures he'd get a start on being a good one and practice bus driving on his tricycle. Starting from his room he pedals out into the hallway and eventually arrives at a door. He stops and acts as if he is opening the bus door. "SHHHHHHISH (door sound)". He looks back at the riders on the bus and says "All you mother fuckers who want off the bus get off the fucking bus! All you mother fuckers who want on the bus get on the fucking bus! All you fat fuckers to the back!". He closes the door and proceeds to his next stop in the kitchen. His mom is in there busy preparing dinner when Johnny pulls up alongside her and says "SHHHHHHISH (door sound)". He looks back at the riders on the bus and says "All you mother fuckers who want off the bus get off the fucking bus! All you mother fuckers who want on the bus get on the fucking bus! All you fat fuckers to the back!". His mom cannot believe what she just heard and snatches Johnny off of his tricycle giving him a good swat on the butt and plops him back down on it. "Just wait until your father gets home, young man!". Johnny looks at her and then acts as if he is closing a bus door quickly "SHHISH". He pedals about five feet when he stops and pretends to open the door and leans out to say "Lady, it's cunts like you that makes the bus run late!"

"...And once you're gone, you can't come back
When you're out of the blue and into the black."
Neil Young

[lawrocket 3]

Two peanuts were walking through Central Park.

One was a salted.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[freethefly 6]

What do you say to a biker in a suit?






"Will the defendant please rise"

"...And once you're gone, you can't come back
When you're out of the blue and into the black."
Neil Young