Saturday night humor

[MikeForsythe 0]

The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side".

Barely audible, he concluded, "And you know what?" "What dear?" she gentlyasked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

I think you're bad luck

Time and pressure will always show you who a person really is!

[kbordson 8]

so... do we label this one

"How Men Think"

[MikeForsythe 0]

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so... do we label this one "How Men Think"

Nah, ,more like "facts about women" In fact it was sent to me from a woman!

Time and pressure will always show you who a person really is!

[Shell666 0]

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so... do we label this one

"How Men Think"

Hahahahaha .. you said "men" and "think" in the same sentence ...

'Shell

[LisaH 0]

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so... do we label this one

"How Men Think"

Hahahahaha .. you said "men" and "think" in the same sentence ...

Be yourself!
MooOOooOoo

[happythoughts 0]

Dang Mike. You make one post in 6 months and you have pissed off the only two women posting tonight. (Either that or these are just the elected representatives. The others just agreed to let them respond.)

Apparently, you need to read a relationship thread.


The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off, "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30." She said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civic spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next, "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a dip and chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like crap!" Then I would say, "It is crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

[Shell666 0]

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Dang Mike. You make one post in 6 months and you have pissed off the only two women posting tonight. (Either that or these are just the elected representatives. The others just agreed to let them respond.)

By my count there's THREE of us ... and not a one is pissed off.

'Shell

[MikeForsythe 0]

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Dang Mike. You make one post in 6 months and you have pissed off the only two women posting tonight.

Story of my life Bill Hope life is treating you well, stay safe.

Time and pressure will always show you who a person really is!

[airtwardo 7]

... and not a one is pissed off.

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The night is young!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[Shell666 0]

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... and not a one is pissed off.

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The night is young!

And so are the ladies in this thread ...

'Shell

[d_squared431 0]

Not sure if this has been posted here or not. But I think it is funny


Women vs Men drivers
Body: A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday
morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but
amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in Mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling....about women
drivers the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This
must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live
together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must
be a sign from God!" But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed
to drive.
The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is
completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God
wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands
the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and
drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes
the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the
man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever and evil.
Don't mess with us.

TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1
I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH
You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly

[skinnyshrek 0]

so when you taking my dog on a skydive mike

http://www.skydivethefarm.com

do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM?

[MikeForsythe 0]

No time soon, I just had a hip replacement. But like I said, I will show you how and I will give you the harness to use.

Time and pressure will always show you who a person really is!

[skinnyshrek 0]

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No time soon, I just had a hip replacement. But like I said, I will show you how and I will give you the harness to use.

nah i want to video it

http://www.skydivethefarm.com

do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM?

[Squeak 17]

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No time soon, I just had a hip replacement. But like I said, I will show you how and I will give you the harness to use.

nah i want to video it

I'd gladly do it Lee :) if Mike would let me

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[Baksteen 84]

It's not Saturday, but rather a very slow day at work.
So.

A friend of mine recently purchased a dog from the pound, and invited me to tag along when he was going to walk the mutt in the park for the very first time.

So we went walking along, when my friend decedid to find out if the dog was taught to fetch by his previous owner.
He picked up a stick, and threw it away.
The stick landed in the pond. The dog went "woof", as dogs are known to do, and went bounding after the stick.
He jumped onto the water, ran to the stick, picked it up and ran back.

I look at my friend, my friend looks at me.
"Probably very shallow at the edges," says my friend.
He throws the stick again, and it lands in the middle of the pond.
And off the dog goes again, onto the water, picking up the stick and running back.

I look at my friend, my friend looks at me.
"This is nuts. I'm bringing in the vet," says my friend.

When the vet arrives he listens to his story, and asks us if we'd care to pull the other one, on account of it having bells on.
We assure him we didn't smoke anything, and to prove it my friend throws the stick again.
Same thing. The dog runs off over the water, picks up the stick, and drops it at the vets feet.

The vet stares.
I look at my friend, my friend looks at me.
We look at the vet.
"well? Do you know what is up with that dog or not?" says my friend.
Slowly the vet nods, and turns around to face us.
"Yes, I think I know exactly what is wrong with that dog," says the vet,"I think he just can't swim."

"That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport."
~mom