waltappel 1 #1 August 17, 2006 Skydivers are constantly wondering about etiquette, both on and off the DZ. Having been in the sport for a while, I'm offering my profound knowledge of the topic to my fellow jumpers. For example, let's say you are having dinner with your boss and a client at a very expensive restaurant and you notice the client has a huge booger hanging out of his nose. What do you do? Most people would feel very uncomfortable with saying anything at all, but the proper action is to ask him to hold still, hold a spoon under the offending nostril, knock the booger into the spoon with a fork and, after complimenting him on creating one of the finest boogers you have ever seen, use the spoon to forcefully launch the booger so it will stick to the wall. This gives the opportunity for placing wagers on how long it will stick. I should note that if you are in a Chinese restaurant, use chopsticks instead of the spoon and fork! I'll be happy to answer any etiquette question you have. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #2 August 17, 2006 Quote Skydivers are constantly wondering about etiquette, both on and off the DZ. Having been in the sport for a while, I'm offering my profound knowledge of the topic to my fellow jumpers. For example, let's say you are having dinner with your boss and a client at a very expensive restaurant and you notice the client has a huge booger hanging out of his nose. What do you do? ______________________________ Is it o.k. to bring your spit-cup to the table so that you have it handy after supper? Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lindercles 0 #3 August 17, 2006 Is it rude to blow your nose with your mouth open while masturbating at the dinner table? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #4 August 17, 2006 Quote Is it o.k. to bring your spit-cup to the table so that you have it handy after supper? Chuck Not only is it ok to bring your spit-cup to the table but it can provide some truly outstanding entertainment. For the truly talented spitter, keeping the spit cup in a shirt pocket and spitting straight up in the air and catching it in the pocketed spit cup is a talent worthy of showing off, even to the most jaded of audiences! Here is a great way to amuse friends and family. Set your half-full spit-cup on the dinner table and announce that you are accepting wagers. You tell everyone you will take one large gulp from the spit-cup and ask if anyone cares to wager that you will not! Few people will be able to resist that wager. After the suspense builds for a while, proceed to take a huge gulp from the spit-cup and continue on until you have swallowed every drop. Naturally, this will generate very puzzled looks among your audience. That's when you announce, "Couldn't stop at one gulp 'cuz it was one long mucusy string!" They will laugh themselves into a frenzy at your clever humor! Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #5 August 17, 2006 Quote Is it rude to blow your nose with your mouth open while masturbating at the dinner table? Totally ok as long as you use separate napkins for your mouth, nose, and penis! Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #6 August 17, 2006 Ewwww....Where is the puking emoticon? Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #7 August 17, 2006 Quote Quote Is it o.k. to bring your spit-cup to the table so that you have it handy after supper? Chuck Not only is it ok to bring your spit-cup to the table but it can provide some truly outstanding entertainment. For the truly talented spitter, keeping the spit cup in a shirt pocket and spitting straight up in the air and catching it in the pocketed spit cup is a talent worthy of showing off, even to the most jaded of audiences! Here is a great way to amuse friends and family. Set your half-full spit-cup on the dinner table and announce that you are accepting wagers. You tell everyone you will take one large gulp from the spit-cup and ask if anyone cares to wager that you will not! Few people will be able to resist that wager. After the suspense builds for a while, proceed to take a huge gulp from the spit-cup and continue on until you have swallowed every drop. Naturally, this will generate very puzzled looks among your audience. That's when you announce, "Could stop at one gulp 'cuz it was one long mucusy string!" They will laugh themselves into a frenzy at your clever humor! Walt _______________________________________ Thank's Walt! Those are some pretty cool ideas. You're really good at this stuff! Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #8 August 17, 2006 Quote Ewwww....Where is the puking emoticon? Use this instead: Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JENNR8R 0 #9 August 17, 2006 Is is wrong to argue with a houseguest about whether we watch Oprah or Dr. Phil first?What do you call a beautiful, sunny day that comes after two cloudy, rainy ones? -- Monday. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #10 August 17, 2006 PMFGO works pretty well - Walt, you're just adding value left and right! My question: What's the proper thing to do if you're on a long plane flight, trapped by a comatose seat neighbor roughly the size of a grizzly, and you have to fart? you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #11 August 17, 2006 Quote Is is wrong to argue with a houseguest about whether we watch Oprah or Dr. Phil first? Yes. Watching Dr. Phil is just all kinds of wrong. you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #12 August 17, 2006 Quote Is is wrong to argue with a houseguest about whether we watch Oprah or Dr. Phil first? No need to argue. Merely mention the idea and the houseguest will off himself. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #13 August 17, 2006 Quote My question: What's the proper thing to do if you're on a long plane flight, trapped by a comatose seat neighbor roughly the size of a grizzly, and you have to fart? Truly a disheartening position to be in because all skydivers know that in order to fart in a public place you must first ask someone to pull your finger and in that situation, the comatose neighbor cannot do it and it's just wrong to pull your own finger. Put on the light to call a flight attendant to come pull your finger. If you cannot hold it that long, go ahead and let it out silently and blame the smell on your neighbor. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
weegegirl 2 #14 August 17, 2006 Dear Walt, The guy who sits in the office next to me is constantly snorting buggers and swallowing them. You know that sound that just makes you want to hurl your brains out. It's always while i am eating breakfast, lunch or just feeling entirely too hungover. Everyone on the hall complains about it behind his back. We shut our doors and wear headphones to block him out. It is NON-STOP! Would it be rude if I left him a box of decongestive shit and some tissues on his chair???? How about I just write YOUR GROSSING US OUT on his white board? Is that bad ettiquette? Best regards, Weege Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveStMarys 0 #15 August 17, 2006 Dear Walt, (2 part question) If you are using a public restroom and the person in the next stall asks for some toilet paper because he/she is out, do you (1) HAVE to oblige and (2) how many squares do you hand that person. BobbiA miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #16 August 17, 2006 Quote Dear Walt, The guy who sits in the office next to me is constantly snorting buggers and swallowing them. You know that sound that just makes you want to hurl your brains out. It's always while i am eating breakfast, lunch or just feeling entirely too hungover. Everyone on the hall complains about it behind his back. We shut our doors and wear headphones to block him out. It is NON-STOP! Would it be rude if I left him a box of decongestive shit and some tissues on his chair???? How about I just write YOUR GROSSING US OUT on his white board? Is that bad ettiquette? Best regards, Weege Jealous? Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #17 August 17, 2006 Quote Dear Walt, (2 part question) If you are using a public restroom and the person in the next stall asks for some toilet paper because he/she is out, do you (1) HAVE to oblige and (2) how many sqyare do you hand that person. Bobbi Since they didn't check for toilet paper first, it is their own fault and you should charge them at least $1.00 per square. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Buried 0 #18 August 17, 2006 is it ok to pick your butt if you are nekked? Where is my fizzy-lifting drink? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #19 August 17, 2006 Quote is it ok to pick your butt if you are nekked? Only if you are drunk! Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JENNR8R 0 #20 August 17, 2006 Is it really necessary to say “please” and “thank you.”What do you call a beautiful, sunny day that comes after two cloudy, rainy ones? -- Monday. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Buried 0 #21 August 17, 2006 if you get really drunk and you throwup on your friends or SO.. what is the best way to handle it? it is best to pretend like nothing happened and excuse yourself.. walk away slowly, then run.? Where is my fizzy-lifting drink? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
weegegirl 2 #22 August 17, 2006 Quote Jealous? Walt ewwwwwww! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #23 August 17, 2006 Quote Is it really necessary to say “please” and “thank you.” Only when you're sober. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #24 August 17, 2006 Quote if you get really drunk and you throwup on your friends or SO.. what is the best way to handle it? it is best to pretend like nothing happened and excuse yourself.. walk away slowly, then run.? It really depends on the situation. Generally the proper protocol is: 1. Deny it. 2. Lie your way out of it. 3. Run like hell!!!! Only as a last resort should you accept personal responsibility--after all, you *are* a guy!!!! Let's say you get drunk and puke on your SO. Here is an example of how you would follow the protocol: 1. Deny it. Say to her, "Don't get so upset you silly girl, that's not really puke!" Then, politely excuse yourself and avoid her for a while. 2. Lie your way out of it. Tell her something like, "OMG, the thought of losing you just passed through my mind and it just made me so sick I couldn't help myself!" 3. Run like hell. If she starts yelling about this being the 7th time you have ruined an expensive dress by puking on it and you see her reaching for a weapon, RUN!!!!!! Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Buried 0 #25 August 17, 2006 so i have this friend... let's call him Walt. He's a middle age bugger who can't seem to get it up and scares off all the women, when you head out to the western bars. He seems to also like those mechanical bulls a bit too much (if you know what i mean). How do I tell him that he's spoiling all my fun, and seems a bit gay? Where is my fizzy-lifting drink? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
