MakeItHappen 15 #1 December 2, 2007 I am taking a fictional story writing course online. This is my first story. Let me know what you think. Fantastic Voyage There was a trip taken by a party that literally went down the drain. The party was reduced down to microscopic size, placed inside a vessel and then swallowed as a capsule into a host body. The fact that the vessel and its occupants were now considered parasites by the host body did not deter the captain of the vessel to navigate it. The vessel was steered into the esophagus. This caused a big problem in the host. The host choked and coughed. Hack, hack, hack all night long to try and remove a irritant deep is his throat. He tried antacids, cough suppressants and finally gagged himself to try to remove the irritant. None of this worked. The vessel eventually reached the stomach. The rocky road of palpitations and great undulations took its toll on the vessel's occupants. The occupants were plagued with motion sickness and just wanted the trip to end. It could not end. There was only one way out. That path took at least a day to travel. Once in the stomach, the vessel was subjected to an acrid environment. The exterior shell of the vessel was slowly eaten away. Leaks developed in the hydraulic systems. Cables were eaten away. Guidance and control systems were compromised. The occupants asked what they could do. The sacrosanct captain pejoratively told them that there was nothing they could do. The captain guided the vessel. Guidance and control systems were flaky at best, but the captain tweaked and jerry-rigged solutions to navigate the stomach. The captain inculcated that only he knew the correct path to save the vessel. The intense storm ameliorated into an environment of softer flagellations. The vessel moved along its path. The vessel had reached the small intestine. The walls of the vessel were compromised. The host extracted life support systems from the vessel. Needed nutrients, oxygen and fuel for the vessel's occupants were sapped by great osmotic pressures. Eventually, the vessel drifted into the large intestine. The undulations became softer and gentler. The vessel's occupants saw large chunks of brown matter that bumped and tossed the craft around. The watery channel gave way to a near solid mass of brown matter that worked as a slurry to move the vessel along. Then all of a sudden there was a great pressure put on the slurry of brown, part solid and part liquid matter. The stream ejected into a large retaining pond. The host set off a control to wash the matter away. There was one piece of matter that did not wash away. The host grabbed it up with a serving spoon from his kitchen and placed it into a plastic bag. The host rushed down to the hospital and asked about searching for the vessel's occupants. One of the occupants was his long time venal friend. One rescue pod was found intact. The pod was super-sized back to reality. The occupants were few. The captain survived. He told the rest of the world what had 'really' happened. There were talk show appearances and books written that lauded the venerated occupants and berated the host for eating a bean burrito during the experiment. The phrase 'Shit-canned' came from this incident. I think it needs a better ending.....???? .. Make It Happen Parachute History DiveMaker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gene03 0 #2 December 2, 2007 You forgot Rachel Welsh and her skin tight EVA suit.“The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him. Stanislaw Jerzy Lec quotes (Polish writer, poet and satirist 1906-1966) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #3 December 2, 2007 QuoteYou forgot Rachel Welsh and her skin tight EVA suit. Raquel Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #4 December 2, 2007 QuoteI am taking a fictional story writing course online. This is my first story. Let me know what you think. Fantastic Voyage There was a trip taken by a party that literally went down the drain. The party was reduced down to microscopic size, placed inside a vessel and then swallowed as a capsule into a host body. The fact that the vessel and its occupants were now considered parasites by the host body did not deter the captain of the vessel to navigate it. The vessel was steered into the esophagus. This caused a big problem in the host. The host choked and coughed. Hack, hack, hack all night long to try and remove a irritant deep is his throat. He tried antacids, cough suppressants and finally gagged himself to try to remove the irritant. None of this worked. The vessel eventually reached the stomach. The rocky road of palpitations and great undulations took its toll on the vessel's occupants. The occupants were plagued with motion sickness and just wanted the trip to end. It could not end. There was only one way out. That path took at least a day to travel. Once in the stomach, the vessel was subjected to an acrid environment. The exterior shell of the vessel was slowly eaten away. Leaks developed in the hydraulic systems. Cables were eaten away. Guidance and control systems were compromised. The occupants asked what they could do. The sacrosanct captain pejoratively told them that there was nothing they could do. The captain guided the vessel. Guidance and control systems were flaky at best, but the captain tweaked and jerry-rigged solutions to navigate the stomach. The captain inculcated that only he knew the correct path to save the vessel. The intense storm ameliorated into an environment of softer flagellations. The vessel moved along its path. The vessel had reached the small intestine. The walls of the vessel were compromised. The host extracted life support systems from the vessel. Needed nutrients, oxygen and fuel for the vessel's occupants were sapped by great osmotic pressures. Eventually, the vessel drifted into the large intestine. The undulations became softer and gentler. The vessel's occupants saw large chunks of brown matter that bumped and tossed the craft around. The watery channel gave way to a near solid mass of brown matter that worked as a slurry to move the vessel along. Then all of a sudden there was a great pressure put on the slurry of brown, part solid and part liquid matter. The stream ejected into a large retaining pond. The host set off a control to wash the matter away. There was one piece of matter that did not wash away. The host grabbed it up with a serving spoon from his kitchen and placed it into a plastic bag. The host rushed down to the hospital and asked about searching for the vessel's occupants. One of the occupants was his long time venal friend. One rescue pod was found intact. The pod was super-sized back to reality. The occupants were few. The captain survived. He told the rest of the world what had 'really' happened. There were talk show appearances and books written that lauded the venerated occupants and berated the host for eating a bean burrito during the experiment. The phrase 'Shit-canned' came from this incident. I think it needs a better ending.....???? . What happened to the rest of the crew - did they all get "shit canned" except the captain who - by maritime standards - should have gone down with his ship?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #5 December 2, 2007 QuoteQuoteI am taking a fictional story writing course online. This is my first story. Let me know what you think. Fantastic Voyage There was a trip taken by a party that literally went down the drain. The party was reduced down to microscopic size, placed inside a vessel and then swallowed as a capsule into a host body. The fact that the vessel and its occupants were now considered parasites by the host body did not deter the captain of the vessel to navigate it. The vessel was steered into the esophagus. This caused a big problem in the host. The host choked and coughed. Hack, hack, hack all night long to try and remove a irritant deep is his throat. He tried antacids, cough suppressants and finally gagged himself to try to remove the irritant. None of this worked. The vessel eventually reached the stomach. The rocky road of palpitations and great undulations took its toll on the vessel's occupants. The occupants were plagued with motion sickness and just wanted the trip to end. It could not end. There was only one way out. That path took at least a day to travel. Once in the stomach, the vessel was subjected to an acrid environment. The exterior shell of the vessel was slowly eaten away. Leaks developed in the hydraulic systems. Cables were eaten away. Guidance and control systems were compromised. The occupants asked what they could do. The sacrosanct captain pejoratively told them that there was nothing they could do. The captain guided the vessel. Guidance and control systems were flaky at best, but the captain tweaked and jerry-rigged solutions to navigate the stomach. The captain inculcated that only he knew the correct path to save the vessel. The intense storm ameliorated into an environment of softer flagellations. The vessel moved along its path. The vessel had reached the small intestine. The walls of the vessel were compromised. The host extracted life support systems from the vessel. Needed nutrients, oxygen and fuel for the vessel's occupants were sapped by great osmotic pressures. Eventually, the vessel drifted into the large intestine. The undulations became softer and gentler. The vessel's occupants saw large chunks of brown matter that bumped and tossed the craft around. The watery channel gave way to a near solid mass of brown matter that worked as a slurry to move the vessel along. Then all of a sudden there was a great pressure put on the slurry of brown, part solid and part liquid matter. The stream ejected into a large retaining pond. The host set off a control to wash the matter away. There was one piece of matter that did not wash away. The host grabbed it up with a serving spoon from his kitchen and placed it into a plastic bag. The host rushed down to the hospital and asked about searching for the vessel's occupants. One of the occupants was his long time venal friend. One rescue pod was found intact. The pod was super-sized back to reality. The occupants were few. The captain survived. He told the rest of the world what had 'really' happened. There were talk show appearances and books written that lauded the venerated occupants and berated the host for eating a bean burrito during the experiment. The phrase 'Shit-canned' came from this incident. I think it needs a better ending.....???? . What happened to the rest of the crew - did they all get "shit canned" except the captain who - by maritime standards - should have gone down with his ship? Turtle... I wonder why you copied and pasted the entire thing?Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #6 December 2, 2007 QuoteQuoteQuoteI am taking a fictional story writing course online. This is my first story. Let me know what you think. Fantastic Voyage There was a trip taken by a party that literally went down the drain. The party was reduced down to microscopic size, placed inside a vessel and then swallowed as a capsule into a host body. The fact that the vessel and its occupants were now considered parasites by the host body did not deter the captain of the vessel to navigate it. The vessel was steered into the esophagus. This caused a big problem in the host. The host choked and coughed. Hack, hack, hack all night long to try and remove a irritant deep is his throat. He tried antacids, cough suppressants and finally gagged himself to try to remove the irritant. None of this worked. The vessel eventually reached the stomach. The rocky road of palpitations and great undulations took its toll on the vessel's occupants. The occupants were plagued with motion sickness and just wanted the trip to end. It could not end. There was only one way out. That path took at least a day to travel. Once in the stomach, the vessel was subjected to an acrid environment. The exterior shell of the vessel was slowly eaten away. Leaks developed in the hydraulic systems. Cables were eaten away. Guidance and control systems were compromised. The occupants asked what they could do. The sacrosanct captain pejoratively told them that there was nothing they could do. The captain guided the vessel. Guidance and control systems were flaky at best, but the captain tweaked and jerry-rigged solutions to navigate the stomach. The captain inculcated that only he knew the correct path to save the vessel. The intense storm ameliorated into an environment of softer flagellations. The vessel moved along its path. The vessel had reached the small intestine. The walls of the vessel were compromised. The host extracted life support systems from the vessel. Needed nutrients, oxygen and fuel for the vessel's occupants were sapped by great osmotic pressures. Eventually, the vessel drifted into the large intestine. The undulations became softer and gentler. The vessel's occupants saw large chunks of brown matter that bumped and tossed the craft around. The watery channel gave way to a near solid mass of brown matter that worked as a slurry to move the vessel along. Then all of a sudden there was a great pressure put on the slurry of brown, part solid and part liquid matter. The stream ejected into a large retaining pond. The host set off a control to wash the matter away. There was one piece of matter that did not wash away. The host grabbed it up with a serving spoon from his kitchen and placed it into a plastic bag. The host rushed down to the hospital and asked about searching for the vessel's occupants. One of the occupants was his long time venal friend. One rescue pod was found intact. The pod was super-sized back to reality. The occupants were few. The captain survived. He told the rest of the world what had 'really' happened. There were talk show appearances and books written that lauded the venerated occupants and berated the host for eating a bean burrito during the experiment. The phrase 'Shit-canned' came from this incident. I think it needs a better ending.....???? . What happened to the rest of the crew - did they all get "shit canned" except the captain who - by maritime standards - should have gone down with his ship? I wonder why you did as well. Turtle... I wonder why you copied and pasted the entire thing?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #7 December 2, 2007 What happened to the rest of the crew - Quote The had the wind poop insurance... ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #8 December 4, 2007 Quote What happened to the rest of the crew - Quote The had the wind poop insurance... Maybe she needed a higher impeller fee.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CSpenceFLY 1 #9 December 5, 2007 The captain was the only one that bought the Shit Storm Insurance. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
