BillyVance 35 #1 December 6, 2007 This is a little weird, but... Tuesday my wife got off work so we could drive up to Huntsville, AL for a quick lunch with my folks and give them a little time with their granddaughter, then we headed out to the huge Christmas tree farm just south of the river. I was not impressed with any of the tree farms near my home and just decided I was going to make the hour and 45 minute drive to the same farm my parents have gotten their trees for decades. We almost always got white pines. We drove and walked all over the farm looking for the perfect one. There were quite a few that I thought were perfect but my wife wanted something bigger. Perfect for me is a tree just a shade over 6 feet tall and 4 feet wide at the bottom. We settled on one 8 feet tall and I don't know how wide. I thought it would be a really nice tree. I cut it down with the bow saw provided by the farm. Had it wrapped and placed in my truck bed for the ride home. Mind you now, we were doing this right around the time Skinnyshrek was leaving us, give or take a few hours. I wouldn't know until the next morning what happened to him. Well, that evening I made a fresh cut at the bottom of the trunk and drilled a hole in the middle, set up the cast iron base where I wanted it, brought the tree in and set it up on the base, only needed one try to get it perfectly vertical, how about that! Then I cut the fishnet wrap off. Holy Shit.... it's way bigger than I thought. Not so much the height of it, but how fucking FAT it was! I couldn't help but think of skinnyshrek, so I'm going to name the tree You Fat Bastard. Oh did I say this tree is a water GUZZLER?? Goddamn... I have to pour at least two pints of water every morning and evening into the trunk stand!!! Yeah, shrek could down beer by the pint easy... Maybe tonight or tomorrow we'll get started on the decorating, meanwhile I need a shower to get some of that Fat Bastard's sap out of my hair!!! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
2fat2fly 0 #2 December 6, 2007 Quote I need a shower to get some of that Fat Bastard's sap out of my hair!!! I can only imagine what Lee would do with that sentenceI am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 1 #3 December 6, 2007 Quote Quote I need a shower to get some of that Fat Bastard's sap out of my hair!!! I can only imagine what Lee would do with that sentence The question is, (pause for effect) HOW did it get in his hair?!!!Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #4 December 6, 2007 Quote Quote Quote I need a shower to get some of that Fat Bastard's sap out of my hair!!! I can only imagine what Lee would do with that sentence The question is, (pause for effect) HOW did it get in his hair?!!! Easy, I have to crawl on the floor under the bottom branches to pour the water into the trunk stand. I can see sap droplets on the branches in the needles. Got some trimming to do to those bottom branches.... Any chance I might be hearing it screaming "stop cutting me up you fucking deaf cunt!" "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cocheese 0 #5 December 6, 2007 Hell, give the tree a beer tonight. Be rude not to Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 1 #6 December 6, 2007 Quote Quote Quote Quote I need a shower to get some of that Fat Bastard's sap out of my hair!!! I can only imagine what Lee would do with that sentence The question is, (pause for effect) HOW did it get in his hair?!!! Easy, I have to crawl on the floor under the bottom branches to pour the water into the trunk stand. I can see sap droplets on the branches in the needles. Got some trimming to do to those bottom branches.... Any chance I might be hearing it screaming "stop cutting me up you fucking deaf cunt!" So what you're saying is: You get on your hands and knees and get low on the tree... The tree branches sticking out have sap drops on them... And you're trying to trim the loose stuff around the base of the tree... Did you and ol' skinny have some unfinished business or something?Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #7 December 6, 2007 Quote Quote Quote Quote Quote I need a shower to get some of that Fat Bastard's sap out of my hair!!! I can only imagine what Lee would do with that sentence The question is, (pause for effect) HOW did it get in his hair?!!! Easy, I have to crawl on the floor under the bottom branches to pour the water into the trunk stand. I can see sap droplets on the branches in the needles. Got some trimming to do to those bottom branches.... Any chance I might be hearing it screaming "stop cutting me up you fucking deaf cunt!" So what you're saying is: You get on your hands and knees and get low on the tree... The tree branches sticking out have sap drops on them... And you're trying to trim the loose stuff around the base of the tree... Did you and ol' skinny have some unfinished business or something? Kind of... it involves the cards 2, 7 and Ace, 10. Bonus if you remember what I'm referring to. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 1 #8 December 6, 2007 Quote Quote Quote Quote Quote Quote I need a shower to get some of that Fat Bastard's sap out of my hair!!! I can only imagine what Lee would do with that sentence The question is, (pause for effect) HOW did it get in his hair?!!! Easy, I have to crawl on the floor under the bottom branches to pour the water into the trunk stand. I can see sap droplets on the branches in the needles. Got some trimming to do to those bottom branches.... Any chance I might be hearing it screaming "stop cutting me up you fucking deaf cunt!" So what you're saying is: You get on your hands and knees and get low on the tree... The tree branches sticking out have sap drops on them... And you're trying to trim the loose stuff around the base of the tree... Did you and ol' skinny have some unfinished business or something? Kind of... it involves the cards 2, 7 and Ace, 10. Bonus if you remember what I'm referring to. This thread.Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RALFFERS 0 #9 December 6, 2007 Billy, you crack me up dude...thanks Dialogue/commentary between Divot, Twardo & myself - "from your first Oshkosh when the three of us were riding to or from one of Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverbrian 0 #10 December 7, 2007 QuoteHOW did it get in his hair?!!! Might be some clues in this thread. In a world full of people, only some want to fly... isn't that crazy! --Seal Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 1 #11 December 7, 2007 Quote Quote HOW did it get in his hair?!!! Might be some clues in this thread. Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
