BillyVance 35 #1 December 14, 2007 This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny... NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE: Oh yes, absolutely."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RALFFERS 0 #2 December 14, 2007 Maybe if I changed my approach my luck would change Dialogue/commentary between Divot, Twardo & myself - "from your first Oshkosh when the three of us were riding to or from one of Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #3 December 14, 2007 I'm pretty sure walmart called to offer you a job but you didn't answer the phone. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #4 December 14, 2007 The funny thing is, skinnyshrek would probably answer most of these questions (not all) about the same way! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RALFFERS 0 #5 December 14, 2007 Quote The funny thing is, skinnyshrek would probably answer most of these questions (not all) about the same way! My kinda' Guy...Dialogue/commentary between Divot, Twardo & myself - "from your first Oshkosh when the three of us were riding to or from one of Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Snowwhite 0 #6 December 16, 2007 QuoteI'm pretty sure walmart called to offer you a job but you didn't answer the phone. Oh yea, I took a message, it's here somewhere......skydiveTaylorville.org freefallbeth@yahoo.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tink1717 2 #7 December 16, 2007 Sorry to shit on your Wheaties guys, but his ones been busted. http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/mcdonald.asp Skydivers don't knock on Death's door. They ring the bell and runaway... It really pisses him off. -The World Famous Tink. (I never heard of you either!!) AA #2069 ASA#33 POPS#8808 Swooo 1717 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
