having issues n'stuff.. wtf should i do!?

[virgin-burner 1]

first of all, i shouldnt post this in a public place. secondly, surely not on a skydivers forum full of asstrumpets.. third of all, i'll probably ask the mods to move this whole thread somewhere where it cannot be seen no more for the general public, or to simply delete it! but i have to get this off my chest.. somehow!

before you read on, be aware that this could get rather lenghty..

as in this thread, yea, i got fired. once more. as some may know, i'm suffering a bad adhd. not that i mind really, i believe its part of who i am, and to be honest, i like myself for who that is. if you're my friend, call me at three o'clock in the morning, telling me you're feeling like shit, i'm the first to jump in my car and drive as far as amsterdam to be near my loved ones, thats six-hundred miles, fuckers!

i'm not stupid, my IQ runs somewhere in the 140's.. high numbers, duh! i was always into schools, i'm quite well educated. more than most, when i was younger, i never really cared for it. so i always did this additionally, like on my saturdays off.. for years! but i'm somehow bound to structures.. but not too much, coz' thats a real turn off. i need people around me that trust me and my abilites. working from home does NOT work for me î've found out. its simply too much distraction!

i'm not a morning person really. i need pretty much sleep. i'm always late! bosses think i'm unreliable for that. i'm not! i just cant handle it. i've got THREE alarm clocks going in the morning, including a tv screaming at me.. usually i go to bed early too!

i love mingling with people. i'm quite good at handling them, even difficult ones. but it gets to a point sometimes when i feel too much pressure, that it goes wrong.. if i have a good boss, its no problem dealing even extremely difficult people. people that "normal" people cant handle, for me its a walk in the park. but i cant handle both of them at the same time. that de-motivates me to a point to where it becomes unbearable. for everyone involved!

there was this nice thread about drug addicts. well, i guess i'm not your typical drug addict. but i like shifting addictions. sometimes i drink so much, i put everyone to shame. sometimes its the..... or something else! lately, leaping from airplanes gave me the buzz. since its winter here, its hard to come by. well, i'll go again tomorrow. long drive, but worth the trouble in my eyes. one good thing in life in my eyes!
now, some people suffering adhd, also have this messy-problem. they cant get themselves to throw shit away, stuff piles up.. to a point where you couldnt imagine to live in the place anymore. i suppose i'm "moderat" in that area.. my friends and family are all aware of this, they might not like it, but they're "ok" with it. at least they dont give me shit about it. whenever i give it a try, i start at one end, then go on to the next, until i'm seeing so much stuff to be done, that i just lack the energy to do anything further.. it doesnt really get better then..

now, altough i'm trying my best not to show it, i'm extremely sensitive. not only emotionally. that part i dont like and try to act as a tough bastard, which in fact i'm not really. but i dislike that character on people, so i try not to show it too much. also, i tend to sense things before they happen. latest example, i got fired thursday, wednesday night i started taking the shit out of my car. bought the newspaper with the job ads thursday afternoon, did some other stuff, called people to get to know if they had something available.. thursday night my boss comes over and tells me. its all good, i still can handle that, no worries..

i'm aware of all this. i'm aware of what people might think of me or the mess i'm getting myself into. i cant change it. i tried, i've told that here already before, major depression, a couple of psychiatrists, uncountable numbers and vast amounts of medication.. i foolishly thought i'd give a foolish commit of suicide a try, luckily i've only had a bad headache a go. then i figured, i'm better off without all this shit, at least that way, i dont feel like a psycho, sick fuck. i might be, but it doesnt bother me too much. so far, so good..

now, today, i brought the equipment from work back, mobile phone, laptop, fancy car, fuel cards.. all the little gadgets i'd got for my job. i considered myself really lucky to have the opportunity of doing this job. however, i dont consider myself lucky usually.. i can skydive, other people are hungry, i know.. keep that gabber to yourself, please!

now, delivering all this shit, it was still all good, i showed my strong chris off to everyone, all good.. i didnt get into arguments with anyone, really, unusual me. i should be proud of my achievements.

then i had to see the general manager. everyone told me what a tough fucker he is. all ok, i find out, my selling skills were good, what was questioned was me being late, being unreliable.. yea, who do you tell, i'm having to live with my own fucked up self for the last 33 years, i know who i'm at.

then, i go outside with my boss: then he starts talking to me about a workmate, his familiy's all like psychiatrists, therapeuts, blah-blah-blah.. he starts talking about my "condition". that i'll neglect myself. that i couldnt bring nobody home. its bad, but yea, its not that bad. i fall quiet. i say, i know, i do care, but yea, thats just the way things are. he says, you know, usually one would have to report something like that. i say: what do you want to do, put me in a psychiatric ward or what? nah, he's just trying to talk to me about it.

well, sir, i wont tell you, but you dont know how much that hurts me. you dont have the faintest idea. i got hurt a lot during my life, i encountered a lot of unfairness, i had to deal with shitloads of people that a snale would outrun intellectually in seconds.. seriously!

ok, so i drive home, friend from the dropzone calls me and asks if we go skydiving tomorrow, i say yes, cool, great! i dont have many friends really, well, none that call anyway, and someone calling me to go skydiving, actually was a first. and no, i'm drinking all that beer alone now. might shoot a round tomorrow, but dont ask.. please!

now, the mind wanders, i'm thinking about the great scenery tomorrow, it will be misty and partly cloudy, temparature at altitude around 0*F.. great day for skydiving! what î was thinking next i wont share. it was all but just plain stupid. it included: "no-one will ever know!".

fuck, i've had such a role this year, man, i've met a lot of great people, another best mate, i got given a second birthday in the sky.. and then some in-sensitive asstrumpet with the social skills of a bucket comes along..

i dont know. fuck corporate life. what shall i do!? i mean seriously, dont give me this "see a professional"-talk or i'll go complete apeshit. and i take as many with me as i can. now that was a joke, ok, A JOKE!!!

i dont know what to do anymore, i was a mechanic, worked in accounting, as a sales man.. fuck it all. come to the states, be a packer, do first and last loads of the day for a year or two, seven times a week, or nearly? become an instructor after that? damn.. i want a cool job, one i can handle. what!?

i hate december!

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

[quade 4]

Without reading the wall of text . . . lemme guess . . . you read a lot of ee cummings?

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[diablopilot 2]

It's the December blah's dude.


I get em' too.....they suck ass, but spring is a comming, and every challenge life presents can be viewed as an opportunity as well.


If you REALLY think that it would be fun to come be a DZ bum in the sates, then DO IT.

I've had more fun eating Top Ramen and living tight from time to time in the last several years as a skydiver than I think I ever would have if I never had took the chance.

I live never wanting to have "regret" for something I never did.

----------------------------------------------
You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously.

[virgin-burner 1]

i've never heard of him.. you think worth looking into?

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

[virgin-burner 1]

does your DZ employ swiss brats!?

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

[diablopilot 2]

We're not quite big enough to keep packers busy full time.

If I had to recommend a couple, I'd say The Ranch, NY in the summer, and then check out Z-Hills in the winter.

----------------------------------------------
You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously.

[virgin-burner 1]

what about the southern states, texas comes to mind, florida for example.. maybe even california?

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

[alanab 0]

move to interlocken and work at balmers :)

[virgin-burner 1]

open up my own, i have a catchy name myself.. there's some exquisit underwear named by me..

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

[moodyskydiver 0]

I know I got an email saying Skydive Aggieland is jumping 7days a week now but dont know if its permanant.Maybe Skydive Dallas if theyre open 7days a week.Aggieland is smaller but a good quality dz.I dont know if they have any packer positions open.

Do what your friends have done...cutaway and leave to save your own sanity and your own life.

Best wishes Chris!

"...just an earthbound misfit, I."

[virgin-burner 1]

Quote

Without reading the wall of text . . . lemme guess . . . you read a lot of ee cumimings?

i read up on him.

HAHA

smart ass..

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

[quade 4]

Quote

smart ass.

I don't claim an IQ of 140, perhaps I'm a dumbass.

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[skymama 37]

First, you need to stop using ADHD as an excuse. It's a reason, but not an excuse. You've had it your whole life, so you should know by now what you can handle and what you can't. Don't take a job that doesn't fit with your personality, you're only setting yourself up for frustrations and possibly another firing.

I'm sure there are books or online information about jobs that work well with ADHD personalities. Find out what they are. If you're not on medication now, think about taking some again. If you are on medication and it's not working, talk to your doctor about it.

If your house is a mess, tackle it in small increments so it is not overwhelming for you. Pick one thing at a time that needs to be cleaned up, such as the bathroom, or your desk or the dirty dishes...you get the idea. Focus, it can be done.

Oh, and suicide is not the answer.

I hope you don't think I'm being too harsh. My father, whom I work with, and my daughter both have ADHD, so I know the problems you face. I also know that they are manageable with hard work and perseverance. When you get knocked down, just dust yourself off and try again. You can do it.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[virgin-burner 1]

well, you just covered pretty much everything what i specifically asked not to. thanks for that!

uh well, i'm seriously thinking about becoming a packer..

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

[tigra 0]

Is Balmers still there? Ahhhh- memories!

[virgin-burner 1]

yes, it is! but it probably got bigger as well..

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

[bigway 4]

Without reading all of that would you be able to sum it up so us with a smaller IQ could know what you are bitching about?

.Karnage Krew Gear Store
.

[virgin-burner 1]

if i have to explain, you wont understand! doh!

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

[bigway 4]

Ah well. Just let me know if you are going to kill yourself so we can start your memorial thread before you die.

.Karnage Krew Gear Store
.

[virgin-burner 1]

now, wouldnt that be cool!

i'm sorry to dissappoint you, i've decided i wasnt gonna go in under that sniveling mess before i've reached 20'000 skydives. that'll take another couple of years i guess. but i^ll keep it in mind to tell you beforehand, ok!?

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

[SarahC07 0]

1. I don't know you, but I bet you're freakin awesome.

2. I think your post is pretty fucking bad ass. I read the whole thing. Usually, when I see a post this long, I skim and jump around or give up on it altogher. I read every word of your post.

3. I feel your 'frustration' - I can relate in an indirect way... if that makes any sense.

4. Do what you think will make you the happiest. You appear to know yourself fairly well - so plan accordingly and DO IT.

5. *beer*

[Krip 2]

Hi V-B

Don't sweat the "pep talk" your boss gave you on your way out the door.

IMO the dude was out of line and his lip service was for his benifit not yours.

You know who you aare and what you got. Use it to work for you. We had a close friend everytime they had to start a new job the fell up (better job) not down.

Your X boss is stuck in his job your not

One Jump Wonder

[f1freak 0]

Quote

i'm seriously thinking about becoming a packer..

I think it's now Canopy Compression Engineer

HAVE FUN...
...JUST DONT DIE

[bigway 4]

Dont have to feel obliged or anything, just ehad up would be nice so i can start the thread for you.



Anyway, stop your crying, get over yourself, go get a puppy or go to a strip bar and be done with your woes. (btw, i still have no idea what this thread is about)

.Karnage Krew Gear Store
.

[virgin-burner 1]

1. thanks! i bet you're too!
2. some would call it stupid. poor you. you should have done so, but thanks for taking your time. i've just re-read it and something inbetween did not work out, i hope you have.

3. it somehow does!

4. i'm unsure. i had to learn it the hard way. i'm just getting into this!

5. come over, there's enough in the fridge!

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda