Glory, Glory, Halleleujia (long)

[waltappel 1]

What started out as posting a couple of funny stories seems to have turned into a series. In case you missed the earlier

postings, here are some links:

"Maybe the greenies don't like it when you act like a fool...": A true story about just how stupid I can get when I'm really frustrated.
"More Stupid HumanTricks": A story of me getting stupid with some hot sauce.
"My Visit to a Bordello": Just like the title says...
"One more reason to hate the doctor's office": Nipple infections are not fun but can be funny.
"I am a bad man when I get bored": My encounter with a perv in a laundromat
"I am not a smart man when I'm drunk": A BASE site scouting trip gone bad.
"thoughtful career choices": Who says mental hospitals are not fun? (ME, that's who!!!)

This time, the subject is "glory holes". You have been warned.

"So, Larry, are you queer or what?"

"I've been wondering for two years when you were going to ask me that."

If you have read any of my previous posts, you have probably guessed that tact is not one of my stronger points.

Larry was a Registered Nurse who worked in the Emergency Room of the hospital where I was smack in the middle of my janitorial career. He had a relaxed, easy smile and exuded warmth. He was fun to hang out with and made me laugh like hell at his stories. It didn't take us long to become close friends.

It took a long time for me to figure out that he was gay, though. Not that it mattered to me. I had never been around any gay people. About all I knew on the topic was that when growing up, if someone called you a queer, well, "Them's fightin' words you sonofabitch!"

I have since come to realize that for me, gay guys are a good thing. A *very* good thing in fact. One of my recurring daydream fantasies is that every guy on the planet (except ME, of course) is gay and all women are horny and straight and desperate. Desperate enough that even I look GREAT!!!

Ok, back to Larry.

I had known him for a couple of years and never really put together all the things that I would notice these days. What finally clued me in was a poster that he had in his living room. It was from a San Francisco bath house. If you are thinking that I'm not all that bright, bingo! On my best days I have a fairly good grasp of the obvious, but those days were a true rarity back then.

Sometime after that brilliant revelation, he told me about the enormous number of anonymous sexual encounters he was having. This was back before AIDS was invented. It was the eighties and the word of the day was "excess". He would tell me that having sex with six men he had never met before, all in a single day, was commonplace.

No way did I believe that!

This was in Austin, Texas and if you have been there in recent years you have almost certainly heard of their party strip downtown--Sixth Street. Years ago, Sixth Street was a different kind of place. It started off as a seedy, run-down street with its collection of transvestite hookers, drunks, and other interesting sorts. It started transitioning into a party strip with loads of decent bars and little oddball shops. During this transition there was a porn shop called "Mr. Peepers".

According to Larry, the real attraction at Mr. Peepers was not the porn. It was the "peep shows". A peep show is a small, closed booth (2 people is kind of squeeze) that has a small TV screen and a coin slot. You drop in quarters and the porn starts playin'. For gay guys back then, it wasn't the porn that was the attraction. It was the fact that there had been some legal ruling that as long as you kept feeding quarters into the slot and kept the porno flick going, then you had an expectation of privacy and the cops could not enter without a search warrant. That was one attraction.

The main feature was the "glory hole".

Chances are that you have heard of glory holes before. After all, skydivers and BASE jumpers, in my experience, are not ones to miss many opportunities to think lewd thoughts. I had heard of them before when I saw a description of them in Al Goldstein's Screw Magazine.

A glory hole is a round hole about the size of a tennis ball in a partition or wall between two booths or stalls where men tend to hang out. For example, the partitions between restroom stalls or, in this case, peep show booths. Not surprisingly, glory holes tend to be somewhere around crotch height.

Anway, Larry was telling me that on Friday and Saturday nights at Mr. Peepers, there were many dozens of gay men blowing each other in these peep show booths and that he could easily have anonymous sex with a dozen men in a night--men who he had never seen. Usually, they didn't even exchange names and, often, didn't even see each others faces.

"Yeah, right! Larry, you have *got* to be making up that bullshit. Who the fuck would do that kind of crap?!!!"

"If you don't believe me, let me know if you're not doing anything on a Friday or Saturday night and I'll show you!"

"Don't hold your breath!"

I've mentioned before that me getting bored is a truly bad thing. This was one of those times that helped me realize just how bad a thing it was.

A few weeks later I was sitting around bored on a Friday night. I decided to call Larry's bluff. I just knew he was full of shit, but proving him wrong would be kind of funny and a good excuse for us to have a couple of beers.

"Hey Larry, I'm calling your bluff. Let's go to Mr. Peepers!"

He laughed, knowing he was going to see some really priceless looks on my face that night. I went over to his place and we headed downtown.

Walking into Mr. Peepers, or simply "Peepers" as the regulars (Like Larry) called it, it looked like I would guess just about any porn shop would look. A wide selection of hardcore mags, vibrators, lubricants, and just about any kind of sex toy you could imagine. I didn't see any big throng of gay guys, so I was really sure at this point that he was full of shit.

That was about to change.

There was a curtained doorway with a sign above it saying "this way to the peep shows" or something like that. Ok, let's check it out.

We went through the curtain and I just about shit!!! It was packed and many of them were looking at me like, "Hmmm. Fresh meat!!!". Had I not had such enormous trust in Larry I would have run like hell.

Larry was getting a kick out of this. He told me not to worry--nobody would screw with me; just stay close to him.

"Deal!"

He then launched into a sort of tutorial. A very weird tutorial.

Remember that legal ruling about peep show privacy? They had signs around giving the details and there was some sort of indicator (a light, I think) outside of each peep show both that lit when the movie was running. Larry uses this to find an empty peep show booth. Being a regular, he had brought plenty of quarters.

So Larry finds an empty peep show booth, we go in, and close the door behind us. He fed some quarters into the slot and some cheesy-ass porn flick starts playing.

Larry got a big grin on his face, pointed to the "glory hole" and then got down on his knees to look through.

"You look through the hole to see if you like the action on the other side", said Larry. "If you do, you then stick your fingers through the hole and give sort of a 'come hither' gesture."

Apparently Larry liked the action on the other side because a few seconds later a big, hard penis comes through the hole.

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't consider this to be anywhere near the realm of the "every day" experience. At least not in my world. I was starting to freak. Larry, on the other hand, was thoroughly enjoying watching my reaction.

There's something about watching one of your close friends blowing a cock sticking through the wall that just screams of being out of the ordinary. I wasn't in Kansas anymore. That was for damn sure.

After a few minutes, Larry gets up, whips it out and sticks it through the glory hole. Now this just looked downright silly.

It looked like he was fucking the wall and having the time of his life. He was laughing at the absurdity of the whole situation and at me, since I was pretty much in a state of shock by that point.

We left after that, which is good because I don't think I could have taken much more. He normally would have stuck around longer to rack up a few more "numbers" but understood that it just wasn't my thing.

Larry and I stayed friends and I never, EVER accused him of bullshitting me again.

Walt

[Lindercles 0]

walt.......i love you, man.

[skydivermom 0]

Too bad you didn't post this one yesterday. I started a poll this morning entitled "what's your favorite Walt tale?"


Your Base story won by a long shot....but this one would have beat it without a doubt!

Mrs. WaltAppel

All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28

[jtval 0]

HOLY SHIT WALT, I AM LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF.

Thats some funy shit

My photos

My Videos

[waltappel 1]

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walt.......i love you, man.

You are truly one of the few!

I fully expect a cyper lynching one of these days.

Walt

[waltappel 1]

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Too bad you didn't post this one yesterday. I started a poll this morning entitled "what's your favorite Walt tale?"


Your Base story won by a long shot....but this one would have beat it without a doubt!

Are you serious?!!!

Glad you like it.

Wa;t

[waltappel 1]

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HOLY SHIT WALT, I AM LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF.

Thats some funy shit

Glad you liked it. I wasn't laughing at the time, but in hindsight it really was kind of funny.

Walt

[jtval 0]

I bet the look of shear panic on your face was hysterical.

I'm pretty sure I'd have the same face on but I would kind of take his word for it and believe that that shit went on. you, my friend, had the balls to go watch..now THAT'S fuckin funny

My photos

My Videos

[skydivermom 0]

Walt,

I must admit that I did not read the whole thing. Yes it was too "out there" for me but I still believe it would have beat the base story in the polls hands down!

Mrs. WaltAppel

All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28

[BillyVance 35]

That there is too damn funny!!!

I didn't realize there were places like that here in the states. I do know there are places like this in Europe where you could go to a wall with holes and get a blow job from a woman or get to fuck one, through the hole...

I can't remember when, but I thought there was a thread about this with some pictures on here some months ago? Or was it someplace else... I dunno... but it was fucking funny!

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Scoop 0]

Thanks for another awesome tale - Up to the usual standard . So whos printing these threads off and binding them together to make some kind of 'this is your life' book!?

I can imagine it at the DZ - Duh Duh Duh Duh... out comes the book and the embarrasing stories
Waltappel. This is YOUR life!

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

You gotta STOP!! I'm peeing myself, yet again. How many days in a row, does this make???


Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[waltappel 1]

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I can imagine it at the DZ - Duh Duh Duh Duh... out comes the book and the embarrasing stories
Waltappel. This is YOUR life!

I'm not worried about that. It's the stories I won't tell that could get me blushing.

There are jumpers out there who have some dirt on me but they either love me too much to rat me out (and vica versa, I might add) or they were just as involved.

For a couple of days I was thinking I ought to do some damage control after re-reading a couple of those stories, but I've since thought, "Who the fuck am I kidding? I have forever branded myself a social outcast/fucktard".

So anyway, I'm gonna keep writing 'em.

I would like to see other people post their funny stories, though.

Walt

[waltappel 1]

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You gotta STOP!! I'm peeing myself, yet again. How many days in a row, does this make???


Bobbi

Sorry, there ain't no end in sight.

Walt

[masterrig 1]

Walt, this is your best effort to date! Love ya', Man! (But not in a homosexual way!)


Chuck

[waltappel 1]

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Walt, this is your best effort to date! Love ya', Man! (But not in a homosexual way!)


Chuck

Thanks. I actually put very little effort into the stories. Each one takes somewhere around an hour or hour and a half to write and they are all true.

If I had to make up stuff to write about, it would take forever.

We live in a very bizarre world, or at least I'm very sure that I do. I sometimes wonder whether weirdness tends to drift my way or whether I attract it, or if I'm the only one that really notices it.

One thing's for sure, though. I DO notice it and long ago I lost any tendency to run away from it. It's like slowly down to see the gory details of a car wreck as you are driving by, but weirdness happens a whole lot more often than car wrecks. At least in my world it does.

Here's one thing that happened years ago that may indicate whether these things happen only to me. It's not really long enough to be a story, but it was kind of funny at the time.

I was living in Austin, TX and my parents lived in Round Rock about 20 miles away. We would go visit them just about every Sunday afternoon. One Sunday as we were driving up the MoPac freeway, so named because it parallels the Missouri Pacific railroad tracks, I looked out the window and saw something that you just don't see every day.

There was a guy walking along the railroad tracks. He was wearing jeans and no shirt. This in itself wouldn't seem that odd, but the jeans were down around his ankles and he was jerking off. This was in broad daylight--around 4:00 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon.

Damn, where's your video camera when you need it?

Does this kind of shit happen only to me? I doubt that but either it happens more often to me than the average person or maybe I'm just the only one willing to talk about this stuff.

Walt

[Lindercles 0]

i can't help but notice a large percentage of your stories happened in Austin. especially the ones about jerking off. obviously this is just a coincidence, but my, what a particularly odd fluke.

[waltappel 1]

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i can't help but notice a large percentage of your stories happened in Austin. especially the ones about jerking off. obviously this is just a coincidence, but my, what a particularly odd fluke.

Maybe Austin is just a jerkoff kind of town.

Walt

[masterrig 1]

I think, you're just in the right(?) place at the right time. I've had some things happen to me in my life-time that folks would just roll their eyes and walk away. I think, in your case, your curiosity and desire to learn has had a lot to do with your experiences in your life-time. I think too, the fact that you're a nice guy has kept you 'safe'. Hell, I don't really know but, I think, a compilation of your experiences in 'book' form would make for a good seller!


Chuck

[Lindercles 0]

Clean Up After Yourself: The Collected Leavings of Walt Appel
It's got #1 seller written all over it!

[waltappel 1]

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I think, you're just in the right(?) place at the right time. I've had some things happen to me in my life-time that folks would just roll their eyes and walk away. I think, in your case, your curiosity and desire to learn has had a lot to do with your experiences in your life-time. I think too, the fact that you're a nice guy has kept you 'safe'. Hell, I don't really know but, I think, a compilation of your experiences in 'book' form would make for a good seller!


Chuck

Thanks--that is quite a compliment. I think my place in life is pretty much as a detached observer and that part of me has been coming out in a big way lately.

I know two people who I would really like to write a book about--primarily an accounting of the stories they have to tell. One of them is "460" who I was with on the BASE site scouting trip that went wrong.

The other is Bill Lee, a master rigger in the Houston area who is one of the most fascinating people I have ever met. And that is saying something because Bill and I have been close friends for many years and he continues to amaze me.

Hopefully I'll get the opportunity one day.

Something I've been quite sure of for a long time is that everyone, and I do mean everyone has something interesting to say. It can be a challenge to get them to start talking, but I've developed a bit of talent for it over the years, and that's what I like to do.

That's one of the reasons why I'm really boring in person, though. I talk very little, especially in larger groups, because I am far more interested in what other people have to say than I am in expressing my own thoughts. I already know what my own thoughts are--I want to hear some new stuff.

So to those who are starting to think that I must be really funny in person, trust me--I'm neither interesting nor fascinating in person. If and when we meet, I will almost certainly do my damndest to get you to do most of the talking.

And who knows? You just may give me a GREAT story to write about!

Walt

[waltappel 1]

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Clean Up After Yourself: The Collected Leavings of Walt Appel
It's got #1 seller written all over it!

What a great title!!!!

Walt

[soulshine 0]

Have you ever read anything by Robert Fulghum? You seriously remind me of an R rated version of him.

Keep the stories coming. Everytime I click on one I instinctively cross my legs before I begin reading so I don't piss on myself from the inevitable laughter. Good stuff.

Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity!
~DEVIOUS BEEF~~FGF #69~

[waltappel 1]

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Have you ever read anything by Robert Fulghum? You seriously remind me of an R rated version of him.

Keep the stories coming. Everytime I click on one I instinctively cross my legs before I begin reading so I don't piss on myself from the inevitable laughter. Good stuff.

I've never heard of him. I'm not much of a reader. I'll certainly take it as a compliment though, and am glad you are enjoying it.

Walt

[rickjump1 0]

You are gifted.

Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.