GQ_jumper 4 #1 January 7, 2007 Out with em, I wanna hear em!!! I know this has been on here before but I'm sure there's some all new ones out there. Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris. Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father When Chuck Noris jumps in a pool he dosen’t get wet water gets Chuck Noris.History does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or the timid. --Dwight D. Eisenhower Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IcarusNeededAAD 0 #2 January 7, 2007 If jack Bauer was gay his name would be Chuck Norris "Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "...holy shit...what a ride!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GQ_jumper 4 #3 January 7, 2007 If jack Bauer was gay his name would be Chuck Norris Quote If Chuck Norris was gay his name would be Jack Bauer. HA, I WIN, and how dare you speaketh out against Grandmaster Norris. FOR SHAME!!! I banish youHistory does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or the timid. --Dwight D. Eisenhower Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Stumpy 284 #4 January 7, 2007 The Bible according to Chuck Norris: http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/Never try to eat more than you can lift Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites katzurki 0 #5 January 7, 2007 When Chuck Norris makes a BASE jump he never pulls until he bounces up. When Chuck Norris flies a wingsuit he never pulls. Chuck Norris's reserve canopy is a handkerchief. A real handkerchief. Chuck Norris once ran out a wingsuit landing. (He was having a bad day, normally he lands it tip-toe.) Chuck Norris went through AFF in two jumps. (He made the second one because he is a sensible, safe guy.) His student canopy was a Velocity 75. He thought it was a bit slow. VX-46 and 39 are Chuck Norris's transition canopies. Chuck Norris was fond of his student canopy so much, he packed it in his tandem rig as a reserve. Chuck Norris doesn't have a slider. When he wants a soft opening, he grabs the lines on deployment and lets them out slowly. Chuck Norris doesn't trust the Cypres. He says it can't cut through a single pubic hair of his. To be fair, other AADs can't do that either. When Chuck Norris was having his canopy relined, he had the lines made out of his pubic hair. (Chuck Norris's canopy saw only one reline in his six billion jumps.) Once Chuck Norris sneezed and wiped his face with an old canopy. That's how ZP came to be. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites countzero 7 #6 January 7, 2007 before the boogey man goes to sleep, he checks under the bed for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce for eye drops.diamonds are a dawgs best friend Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites willard 0 #7 January 7, 2007 Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick with both legs....at the same time....in opposite directions. But he is still afwaid of wittle baby wabbits! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites piisfish 140 #8 January 7, 2007 Chuck Norris designed the An-2 scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites bozo 0 #9 January 7, 2007 QuoteChuck Norris designed the An-2 Chuck Norris...is...an AN-2 bozo Pain is fleeting. Glory lasts forever. Chicks dig scars. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites willard 0 #10 January 7, 2007 QuoteQuoteChuck Norris designed the An-2 Chuck Norris...is...an AN-2 Chuck Norris has sex with the spinning propeller of an AN-2. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites jtval 0 #11 January 7, 2007 CHuck norris uses the AN-2 as an electric shaver. A disposable one.My photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites DrewGPM 0 #12 January 7, 2007 Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas and my personal favorite... Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites DrewGPM 0 #13 January 7, 2007 Quote... When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women ... This day is coming soon, because Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites katzurki 0 #14 January 7, 2007 When Chuck Norris farts on the way to altitude everybody does an emergency bailout. Yes, the pilot too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Ragnarok 0 #15 January 8, 2007 Chuck Norris has the World record for the fastest head down speed, most points in VRW, the fastest and longest swoop, and all in one jump from 1000' AGL. Chuck Norris does not need an AAD, RSL, or even a reserve. Chuck norris can pack 20 rigs in 5 seconds ANDS have sex with 10 women at the same time._________________________________________ Twin Otter N203-Echo,29 July 2006 Cessna P206 N2537X, 19 April 2008 Blue Skies Forever Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites txhoss 0 #16 January 8, 2007 Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Now thier just called The Islands. Chuck Norris can devide by zero. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity, Twice. Have Rig will travel ... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites jtval 0 #17 January 8, 2007 I was going to pirnt up a shirt and go get my picture taken with Chuck when he was at Nellis. Is was going to say "my Chuck norris can kcik you CHuck norris' ass"My photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites lippy 918 #18 November 26, 2007 Below his beard, Chuck Norris does not have a chin....Only a third fist.I got nuthin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites warpedskydiver 0 #19 November 26, 2007 Every night before bed, the Grim Reaper himself checks under the bed for Chuck Norris. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites airtwardo 7 #20 November 27, 2007 ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites EvilEagle 0 #21 November 27, 2007 Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front. Chuck Norris once brought a baby lamb back to life by rubbing it with his beard. He then broke the lamb's neck. The moral of the story: The Chuck giveth, but the good Chuck, he taketh away... Chuck Norris was actually the 4th wise man. He brought Jesus the gift of 'beard' which he proudly wore his entire life. The other wise men were jealous and had him written out of the Christmas story. The makers of street fighter spoke with Chuck Norris when they realized that every input to the game resulted in the Chuck Norris character doing a round-house. "It's NO mistake!" Replied Chuck. Chuck Norris and Mr. T once got in a fight. Chuck landed a roundhouse kick at the exact second Mr. T landed an uppercut -- the result was the 1980's. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites billeisele 130 #22 January 31, 2008 Web Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you. No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found. Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents. Suggestions: Run, before he finds you Try a different personGive one city to the thugs so they can all live together. I vote for Chicago where they have strict gun laws. 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Stumpy 284 #4 January 7, 2007 The Bible according to Chuck Norris: http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/Never try to eat more than you can lift Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
katzurki 0 #5 January 7, 2007 When Chuck Norris makes a BASE jump he never pulls until he bounces up. When Chuck Norris flies a wingsuit he never pulls. Chuck Norris's reserve canopy is a handkerchief. A real handkerchief. Chuck Norris once ran out a wingsuit landing. (He was having a bad day, normally he lands it tip-toe.) Chuck Norris went through AFF in two jumps. (He made the second one because he is a sensible, safe guy.) His student canopy was a Velocity 75. He thought it was a bit slow. VX-46 and 39 are Chuck Norris's transition canopies. Chuck Norris was fond of his student canopy so much, he packed it in his tandem rig as a reserve. Chuck Norris doesn't have a slider. When he wants a soft opening, he grabs the lines on deployment and lets them out slowly. Chuck Norris doesn't trust the Cypres. He says it can't cut through a single pubic hair of his. To be fair, other AADs can't do that either. When Chuck Norris was having his canopy relined, he had the lines made out of his pubic hair. (Chuck Norris's canopy saw only one reline in his six billion jumps.) Once Chuck Norris sneezed and wiped his face with an old canopy. That's how ZP came to be. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
countzero 7 #6 January 7, 2007 before the boogey man goes to sleep, he checks under the bed for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce for eye drops.diamonds are a dawgs best friend Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
willard 0 #7 January 7, 2007 Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick with both legs....at the same time....in opposite directions. But he is still afwaid of wittle baby wabbits! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 140 #8 January 7, 2007 Chuck Norris designed the An-2 scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bozo 0 #9 January 7, 2007 QuoteChuck Norris designed the An-2 Chuck Norris...is...an AN-2 bozo Pain is fleeting. Glory lasts forever. Chicks dig scars. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
willard 0 #10 January 7, 2007 QuoteQuoteChuck Norris designed the An-2 Chuck Norris...is...an AN-2 Chuck Norris has sex with the spinning propeller of an AN-2. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jtval 0 #11 January 7, 2007 CHuck norris uses the AN-2 as an electric shaver. A disposable one.My photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DrewGPM 0 #12 January 7, 2007 Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas and my personal favorite... Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DrewGPM 0 #13 January 7, 2007 Quote... When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women ... This day is coming soon, because Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
katzurki 0 #14 January 7, 2007 When Chuck Norris farts on the way to altitude everybody does an emergency bailout. Yes, the pilot too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ragnarok 0 #15 January 8, 2007 Chuck Norris has the World record for the fastest head down speed, most points in VRW, the fastest and longest swoop, and all in one jump from 1000' AGL. Chuck Norris does not need an AAD, RSL, or even a reserve. Chuck norris can pack 20 rigs in 5 seconds ANDS have sex with 10 women at the same time._________________________________________ Twin Otter N203-Echo,29 July 2006 Cessna P206 N2537X, 19 April 2008 Blue Skies Forever Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
txhoss 0 #16 January 8, 2007 Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Now thier just called The Islands. Chuck Norris can devide by zero. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity, Twice. Have Rig will travel ... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jtval 0 #17 January 8, 2007 I was going to pirnt up a shirt and go get my picture taken with Chuck when he was at Nellis. Is was going to say "my Chuck norris can kcik you CHuck norris' ass"My photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lippy 918 #18 November 26, 2007 Below his beard, Chuck Norris does not have a chin....Only a third fist.I got nuthin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
warpedskydiver 0 #19 November 26, 2007 Every night before bed, the Grim Reaper himself checks under the bed for Chuck Norris. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #20 November 27, 2007 ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EvilEagle 0 #21 November 27, 2007 Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front. Chuck Norris once brought a baby lamb back to life by rubbing it with his beard. He then broke the lamb's neck. The moral of the story: The Chuck giveth, but the good Chuck, he taketh away... Chuck Norris was actually the 4th wise man. He brought Jesus the gift of 'beard' which he proudly wore his entire life. The other wise men were jealous and had him written out of the Christmas story. The makers of street fighter spoke with Chuck Norris when they realized that every input to the game resulted in the Chuck Norris character doing a round-house. "It's NO mistake!" Replied Chuck. Chuck Norris and Mr. T once got in a fight. Chuck landed a roundhouse kick at the exact second Mr. T landed an uppercut -- the result was the 1980's. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billeisele 130 #22 January 31, 2008 Web Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you. No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found. Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents. Suggestions: Run, before he finds you Try a different personGive one city to the thugs so they can all live together. I vote for Chicago where they have strict gun laws. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
