Differences between men and women

[TheAnvil 0]

This is funny as hell. Don't know who wrote it, but he's a genius even if he isn't getting laid.

Here 'tis:

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I
have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were
getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband
on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.
We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said,
"That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?" I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just
when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

Vinny the Anvil
Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL
JACKASS POWER!!!!!!

[PsychoBob 0]

BWAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! Can't wait to use this one.

"I'm not a gynecologist but I will take a look at it"
RB #1295, Smokey Sister #1, HellFish #658, Dirty Sanchez #194, Muff Brothers #3834, POPS #9614, Orfun Foster-Parent?"

[BillyVance 35]

Quote

BWAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! Can't wait to use this one.

My wife isn't that materialistic, but that was a gem!

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[gravityizsexy 0]

lol!!! I enjoyed that...

"'Someday is not a day in my week'"

[peregrinerose 0]

That was freaking hilarious. Need to send to my husband

Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda

[Zenister 0]

bumping old thread as this seemed to fit (some of these have been posted before)

http://www.hogrockcafe.com/women_as_explained_by_engineers.htm

____________________________________
Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed.

[billeisele 130]

some women will buy 2 of anything on sale, even if they don't need it, because they can save twice as much

Give one city to the thugs so they can all live together. I vote for Chicago where they have strict gun laws.