Tips for today

[highfly 0]

GENTLEMEN. Next time you are making love with a lady, cross your eyes and Hey Presto! That saucy threesome with identical twins that you've always dreamed of.

INTERNET porn fans. Avoid tedious interruptions to wipe the screen by first covering it with several layers of cling film which can be torn off like F1 drivers do with their visors.

TRICK spiders into thinking they have caught a fly by flicking cigarette ash into cobwebs.

MONKS. Conduct a life of celibacy and emotional solitude without joining a monastery by simply living with my wife. It's more comfortable and you'll be able to watch TV and use the internet.

RECREATE the danger of a parachute jump in safety by visiting Google Earth and clicking the scroll bar until you reach the ground. Add realism to the exercise by putting a fan on blowing full in your face.

DRIVERS. Save money by putting much larger wheels on the back of your car. That way you will always be going downhill, thereby saving on fuel.

FEEL a bit like God for the day by making some little people out of plasticine, and then judging them harshly.

MUMS. Confuse your children by mixing butter with their I can't Believe It's Not Butter. They won't know what to believe.

BOOKSHOP owners. Annoy Christians by putting the Bible in the 'Fiction' section of your shop.

TAME budgies and parrots easily by replacing their grit with iron filings. By holding a large magnet, they will sit hapilly on your hand for hours.

www.myspace.com/durtymac

[DFWAJG 4]

Quote

BOOKSHOP owners. Annoy Christians by putting the Bible in the 'Fiction' section of your shop.

This one's my favorite.

[1969912 0]

Quote

INTERNET porn fans. Avoid tedious interruptions to wipe the screen by first covering it with several layers of cling film which can be torn off like F1 drivers do with their visors.

Brilliant! Patent search started....

"Once we got to the point where twenty/something's needed a place on the corner that changed the oil in their cars we were doomed . . ."
-NickDG